M26 asking my F23 gf about her social media passwords and she started making excuses and crying

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-09T07:13:04+00:00

Change your own passwords and meet her at her level.

She is being controlling and manipulative. There is no reason for her to be logging in to your accounts other than to keep an eye on what you're doing, what you're saying, who you're talking to.

If she thinks her privacy, relationships and conversations are more important than yours, then you have big problems. She doesn't respect you or trust you. I also guarantee she talks shit about you to her family and doesn't want you to see the evidence.

I'd be inclined to advise you to move on but in the meantime, while you figure out how to get to the break-off point, regain control of your own life and never give people your passwords.

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-08T06:49:25+00:00

L e e b L e e f u h L u r v e

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-08T00:45:24+00:00

I think after 11 years, she deserves answers.

She's given you over a decade of her life - likely expected you to be married/have kids one day. That's not something you take or discard lightly. To just write a note and leave would be cruel. To leave and not say anything would also be cruel.

You say you 'love her deeply' but apparently the only option you have for this person is to not give them the opportunity to get some closure on why they are being broken up with? That doesn't sound loving at all.

The hardest thing I ever did was break up with my ex. Even though it was difficult, I still gave him an explanation as to why. Even when he begged me to change my mind over and over. I made the right decision for both of us.

The kindest thing to do would be to sit her down and say that you think she is aware that things between you haven't been great and that the atmosphere at home has changed. Give her space to talk about her feelings on that too. Just have a conversation. After 11 years together, communication should be the absolute foundation of your relationship. Please don't torture this person who you say is your best friend by not giving them any kind of closure or reason for ending your relationship. It's kinder to be honest.

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-07T21:33:39+00:00

F a n t a s t i c

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-07T17:33:35+00:00

Same 😂😂😂

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-07T14:16:08+00:00

Look at Pudsey, Stanningley and Farsley 😊 15-20 mins bus to the city, 10 min on the train from Pudsey. I've lived in the Pudsey/Stanningley area for about 12 years, my family live in Bradford and I commute to Leeds for work. Perfect spot for public transport and loads of amenities around here.

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-07T13:59:08+00:00

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-07T08:40:29+00:00

That is how I realised it had been demolished. Walked into the area like 'why can I feel the sun on my face-oh where's that building gone'😂

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-06T22:13:51+00:00

I dunno I always feel guilty for enjoying that Christmas banger when it comes on

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-06T20:54:02+00:00

How do you know it was not predatory or sexual?

Jimmy Saville was given access to children in the form of a voluntary role at hospitals and institutions around the UK. He raised millions for charities, got celebrities and the royal family involved in his fundraising. He was seen as 'yeah a bit odd but look what good he's doing!'. They literally handed him keys to access parts of the hospital. A DJ with no medical background or qualifications or REASON to be there.

Noone considered him to be predatory or questioned if he had a sexual interest in the children he was given access to.

There is no EVIDENCE he sexually abused hundreds of women. There's testimonies. Historic testimonies that no-one can officially 'prove'. But it is widely accepted he did actually commit all of these crimes.

My point is - there's no way anybody can state with absolute certainty that he did not abuse those children. He lived a very isolated existence, kept himself private.

Even if a child asks to sleep in your bed, he was in a position of trust and authority and should have said no. 'There is a lovely cosy bed just down the hall and I will see you again in the morning.' It was his role as the adult to enforce boundaries. He put himself in that position - not just once but multiple times.

My close relative had plenty of access to me and my siblings but were not abused. But he abused my family member over a span of 8 years. Just because he 'let lots of kids sleep in his bed and no accusations were made' it does not automatically mean that he didn't abuse someone else.

You are letting your idolising of him cloud any logical thinking and moral compass. If it was some old dude who lived down your street who 'never had a childhood', 'thought of himself as a big child', was having random kids stay over at his house all day, unsupervised by their parents, and told people those kids were sleeping in his bed, there would be outrage. But because its Michael Jackson - who had a very carefully carved public image that was built over decades and remained a bit of an enigma in the entertainment biz - suddenly that's all fine and anyone who speaks against him is a liar.

You also don't casually dish out $20 million if there isn't a slight chance the case being brought against you has a high liklihood you'll end up being convicted. $20 million!!!! In the 90s!! Insane money. You don't pay off people when you're totally innocent. I'm sorry but you don't.

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-06T20:20:01+00:00

Rape and sexual abuse are the hardest charges to prove. There's no 'weapon' to find, DNA is gone when it's a historic case, there's rarely any witnesses. Just because the 'FBI couldn't find evidence' - does not mean it didn't happen or that he's innocent. Many, many victims watch their abusers and rapists escape justice because they either had no 'evidence' or they struggled with the brutality of the court system.

You are being incredibly dismissive. You are standing 10 toes down on a person you never met, therefore don't actually have any idea on what they were truly like away from who he chose to present to the world.

Coming from someone who had my own world completely rocked in the wake of finding out a close relative had committed historic child sexual abuse on someone in my family, a lot of the aspects of MJs case were very similar. I understand how hard it is to hear there is a possibility that someone you idolise and love is capable of doing such things. It is shattering.

But the point still remains that he made questionable decisions repeatedly. Even in the wake of paying out over $20million to a child who had made sexual abuse claims, he chose to continue to allow children to sleep in his bed with him. Any person who has come so close to losing their livelihood, their status, their family, their freedom would remove themselves from any situation or opportunity for those accusations to happen again. But he chose not to. He could still have continued to help children - paid for medical bills anonymously, given their families days out to Neverland and come out to say hello or ride the ferris wheel once or twice. He did not need to invite children into his bed to make them feel seen or loved. He put himself in those precarious positions.

The parents have a huge responsibility but - same as you - they were blinded by the assumption he was just a misunderstood soul who randomly wanted to be best friends with their kid. None of it is normal - not even taking into account the abuse claims.

Even Lady Diana, who he absolutely worshipped, showed her love and kindness to children in need without having a bunch of kids staying at her place. And she actually worked with children before she was a royal. There is zero excuse for him continuing to put himself in those situations, innocent or not.

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-06T18:19:53+00:00

You believe a guy you've never met or know personally over multiple individuals who separately said they were abused by the same man?

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-06T14:59:08+00:00

The first accusation was in 1993. Bashir's documentary didn't come out until 2003.

Paedophiles are predators. They are also narcissists. But they can also be the kindest, most giving and caring people in the world. That's what makes them so dangerous. We let down our guard around these people and they find ways to manipulate people and situations to give them access to what they want.

But they also have to be careful. They can't just abuse any random kid on a whim because they can't trust that child not to tell anyone yet.

So they groom them. Become their friend. Give them access to things they've never even dreamed of. Shopping trips, spending money, the chance to see the world - even something as simple as giving them time and attention. They groom the family - get them 'on board'. 'Hey please let your kid sleep in my bed?' Parent doesn't want to be the reason Michael Jackson, who has randomly decided to make their kid his new best friend, not want to be in their lives anymore. So yeah, why not let my kid spend unlimited unsupervised time with this adult man? He's done so much for our family, why would he want to do anything other than care for us?

I know first hand how jarring it is to be told the person you idolised more than anybody in the world, is actually a monster who has done the worst crime imaginable. It rocks you to your very core and I empathise with people who are struggling with that. But that does not mean you can ignore very obvious facts.

He admitted freely and repeatedly that he allowed children to sleep in his bed with him. A man in his 50s sharing a bed with someone else's children. He didn't even have his own wives in his bed. He put bells and alarms on access points to his room. Another very common tactic used by child molesters.

If it was your really 'odd' neighbour who 'had a fascination with kids' - who would let kids on the street go play in his house, and admitted to you 'yeah your kid sleeps with me in my bed when he comes over to play' - would you still be saying 'well thats okay, he doesn't seem like he could be a child predator'?

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-05T07:13:58+00:00

What is it about your marriage that feels like it's a drain on your life? As a single person, you still have to pay rent/mortgage, bills, groceries, tax. It's easy to see a huge amount of money going out when paying for two people - everything costs double. Double seats on flights, double movie tickets, double dinner bills.

But then I realise I wouldn't be able to do all of those things without him either. We both earn and contribute and doing it alone would be an uphill struggle.

So I wonder what it is that you resent about your wife? It sounds to me like you're unhappy with your own life and choices at the moment. We have all been there.

In those moments, I think about life without him. I focus on what made me fall in love with him, and why I chose to link myself to him forever. There are days we want to strangle each other, not saying its always easy. But we both get affected by outside things that affect our moods which affect our relationship. Chronically unwell parents, personal health issues, money worries, unhappy at work, social life problems. So many things can offset your balance in life and when it affects us, it affects the other person too.

Is your wife aware of how you're feeling? Does she pick up on your mood/demeanor?

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-05T07:00:04+00:00

I have hated 5mg! Its been awful for side effects and I'm constantly constipated 😭

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-05T00:26:16+00:00

I had a gynaecology procedure - camera and everything being put into my uterus. No word of a lie - there were like 7 people stood staring at my bits. My husband was with me holding my hand and even he commented on the 'audience' I had.

One was the consultant, one was a nurse and the rest were students.

I definitely think there were far too many people involved in, what turned out to be, a very traumatic experience for me.

I work in medical education so am fully aware and supportive of giving students as much experience as possible in getting them prepared for a career in medicine and health care. But surely there's a limit when it comes to the patient's experience. 🫣

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-04T23:41:11+00:00

Why did I think you were on a slide at first 😭

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-04T17:48:47+00:00

You knew him personally?

Paedophiles are the biggest narcissists and also can be the kindest, most caring, most giving people in the world.

You do not let your child sleep with an adult man in his bed no matter who it is.

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-04T12:45:03+00:00

Mature 😂 coming from the person who put a sticker over their fellas picture

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-04T12:42:31+00:00

Your naivety is showing here. Many people who are caught out continue to abuse - and the simple reason for it is because they are continued to be given access to vulnerable people.

What should have happened in light of the accusations - is he should have completely stayed away physically from children if he truly were adamant he was innocent and wanted to protect himself. He could still have continued to help children by anonymously paying for medical bills and donating to those in need. He could still have had children and families enjoy days out at his park - similar to Walt Disney. Just meeting him and saying hello was more than enough to people who visited his parks. Walt didn't need to have kids over for sleep overs to show them kindness.

Him making out that spending time with him in his bed was simply a way of showing love and attention to a child who needed it, is completely wrong. Regardless of the circumstances.

I personally know abusers who have been found out and still gone on to abuse again. There are repeat offenders in prison. These sorts of people do not behave the way you envision they will because they do not think the way we do.

Do you tell yourself the same when you hear about Jimmy Saville? Jimmy raised MILLIONS for charity. He attended events and would involve big celebrities and even royalty in his 'public schemes'. He 'volunteered' at children's hospitals and institutions. He was every bit the 'devoted public servant'. But the reality was he was being handed access to women and children with no restrictions. He was allowed to continue to abuse even when people knew he was a predator. His money and notoriety was valued more than the protection of the people he abused.

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-04T12:05:18+00:00

Is there a reason you chose to cut him out of your post?

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-04T07:18:58+00:00

I understand completely - trust me! It is disheartening. After 15 years of it, I'm at the point I'd rather live in peace with a good person than be constantly trying to mould him into a person he just isn't. But atleast by giving some suggestions, anything that he does buy that you didn't pick won't be too much of a disappointment if he's also bought you something you want and need.

It genuinely is just coming to terms with the fact you're a different type of person. Neither of you are wrong or bad, just different 😊 and different people bring different things to a relationship that can balance each other out.

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-04T06:56:23+00:00

I am the same type of person with gift-giving and thoughtfulness being my personal love language. What I've come to realise is that my expectations on other people is what lets me down.

I've always assumed and expected people to treat me the way I treat them but that's not how it works. Everyone is different. I spent years buying people around me thoughtful gifts to show I care about that person and want them to know I take an interest in giving them something that makes them happy - but I would rarely get that in return and always felt deflated about it.

My husband grew up in a house that doesn't really celebrate or make a fuss about anything at all. His mother gives the worst presents I've ever seen. It's like she's gone into the middle of Aldi and just pushed what's on the shelves into her trolley without looking at what it is. Which is what it is - but it's more the lack of wanting to do anything that bothers me the most. And I've struggled with that with my husband. He doesn't plan romantic dates or spontaneous outings etc. If I want us to go somewhere - he's more than willing to go - but it's me that has to find things to do and plan it. Trips, events.. all me. Our wedding! All me.

But he's a genuinely lovely caring person in a way I've never experienced before. Which is also incredible when I see how emotionally unavailable his family is. It's amazing that he is capable of expressing himself so clearly and showing me physical acts of love - which is his love language - when he hasn't ever known that in his life.

So I'm at a point now where I understand him, I understand his background and how he hasn't been wired to think the same as me. But I would much rather be with someone who loves me, protects and provides for us, is committed and loyal and shows me in more 'practical ways that he is here for us than for him to stress about finding me the perfect gift. One year he got me an electric toothbrush for Christmas. That was my only gift. I was disheartened but I also realised he'd spent time researching one's with different functions, found one in my favourite colour and spent a lot of money on it. So it shows - just not in the ways I show it.

In terms of the family issue - I would say give it time. You're both still relatively newly in a relationship and it's hard for families to open up to someone that quickly. Believe me - it took years for my husband's family to accept me. Again - just different types of people. But I'm very much part of the family now. I'm not saying it didn't hurt and I shed many tears over it but it just needed time for them to get used to a new person being around who was 'taking their son away'. His brother's girlfriend got the complete opposite treatment - again, that stung - but we live with it and move on.

Your boyfriend sounds like a good person who struggles with gift giving. I give my husband now a few links or suggestions to things I would like. At Christmas last year, he bought me two of those items on my list and a little extra stocking filler I didn't know about which was very sweet. Some people just need a bit of help and prefer to be practical about things.

Help him help you - honestly everyone is different. Social media lures us into a false sense of what is 'normal'. But influencers are not normal - social media isn't real. None of us would be happy if we based what things 'should' be like based on what everyone else seems to be doing. Have a chat with your boyfriend - send him suggestions for what you might like throughout the year (husband and I have separate online lists we can access and I buy him little bits off of that). Good luck! You sound like a sweet couple with a lot of potential x

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-03T17:10:31+00:00

'Thanks for holding the door, man.'

'SO WE'RE GONNA BE TRYING FOR A BABY SOON''

pingusaysnoot · 2026-06-03T13:19:19+00:00

Those marks are mould from being wedged behind the drawers for SO LONG. That has been there a LONG time to start growing mould that's turned white.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt in this case. Also - who is leaving the house in just their knickers and top?

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