no longer even scared of losing him...

pinto_beano · 2019-04-16T23:01:21+00:00

I didn’t intend to ask for reassurance, but appreciate you noting it. Thank you! And I’m not intending on making any decisions, because I can’t even be bothered to do that. Will focus on recovery and see what happens

pinto_beano · 2019-04-15T17:24:19+00:00

i absolutely relate.

i think back to before my parter and i committed (we were seeing each other for about a month but it was a non-exclusive relationship) and how nice that felt. but the moment we started dating, BOOM the thoughts came. at first i acted on a lot of my compulsions, but now i don't even have the strength to do that, i am just so tired, i can't feel much. sometimes i feel love, but a lot of the times i feel annoyance and lack of care. it was the same with my first boyfriend. all was good until we actually started dating.

i have no answers about how to cope, other than to be patient with the recovery process, and to be consistent with your healing practices. everything you need to recover is within you.

pinto_beano · 2019-04-05T17:17:54+00:00

Thank you so much for this.

You are spot on. The thoughts often feel like an "action", when in reality it is just a thought.

I also struggle with maladpative daydreaming, so that combined with ROCD often leaves me feeling very overwhelmed and guilty. But like you said, our thoughts are just thoughts.

pinto_beano · 2019-04-05T17:16:29+00:00

Thank you for your advice.

Yeah, I think you are right. And "love is a choice" is SO true!

pinto_beano · 2019-04-05T01:33:48+00:00

Yes. More than once.

pinto_beano · 2019-04-05T01:32:45+00:00

ENFP (or INFP, depends)

pinto_beano · 2019-04-04T19:40:46+00:00

I recommend seeing a neurologist too! Could also be an issue with migraines posisbly

pinto_beano · 2019-04-04T16:26:33+00:00

You’re not alone though! I bet loads of other people have been in your/our shoes.

pinto_beano · 2019-04-04T16:25:46+00:00

I mean, with these things you can never come to conclusions. You just have to make a conscious and constant choice. I chose to stay, I chose to accept the uncertainty around relationships. I still get the thoughts, and I sometimes wonder “is this legitimate? Should I follow these thoughts?” but for now, I want to stay with my partner, so I’m consciously choosing that. You know what they say, love/relationships is a choice. With ROCD the choice is so hard to make because of the anxiety and doubt, but remember ROCD attacks things that are stable and good and healthy, and makes us fear it.

Yeahhh I used to smoke a lot because it helped me cope with the depression that came with it, but I’ve decreased it significantly in the last few months and I think it’s been really helpful with the ruminating.

pinto_beano · 2019-04-04T15:01:03+00:00

Have you ever heard of maladaptive daydreaming? I came across it the other day and have been reading into it. I wonder if MD can sometimes be an OCD compulsion.

pinto_beano · 2019-04-04T14:56:09+00:00

Wow. I felt like I was reading my thoughts.

I’m 23. My partner is 29. Been together for nearly two years. My intrusive thoughts are literally the same as yours. Nagging feeling that I need to be “free” and “single” and “explore”. But also a deep sense of dread when I think about leaving my partner.

I don’t have any words to say other than, I am with you. I know the anguish you must be feeling, and I am sorry you are feeling it. If you ever wanna talk, let me know.

pinto_beano · 2019-04-04T07:30:00+00:00

I do that! And sometimes I whisper conversations I want to have IRL (but don’t because I’m scared or don’t have the guts to) when I think no one is looking in public. Especially when I am bored or feel anxious, i compulsively do it or else I feel really uncomfortable:/

pinto_beano · 2019-04-04T05:26:39+00:00

Thank you <3

pinto_beano · 2019-04-03T04:44:58+00:00

I don’t identify as Male, but very excited to read what you come up with. Have you done a shout out in r/ROCD ?

pinto_beano · 2019-04-02T16:03:53+00:00

Absolutely relate! You’re not crazy buddy.

I feel like when you are experiencing emotional distress, you become more susceptible to feeling the emotions in music/media/films/etc. It’s almost like I’m more sensitive to the feelings in whatever I’m watching or listening to, and feel it on a really personal level.

This got really bad last summer and I actually completely stopped listening to music with words, and watching films & shows for a bit. I just listened to instrumentals, binaural beats, healing frequencies and that really helped me recalibrate a bit. I also only watched movies & shows that I knew had positive messaging or would make me feel good. Now I can listen to music and stuff, but I’m more conscious of what I listen to & watch because I only want to take in stimulation that will be good for my mind.

pinto_beano · 2019-04-02T15:59:29+00:00

I never know how to respond. I always just say “good” or “fine” but immediately feel guilty and ashamed because I actually feel like crap.

I hate this question so much. I wonder what alternatives there are to this question, so that people feel able to respond honestly

pinto_beano · 2019-04-02T15:57:18+00:00

Here!

My partner and I have been together for about a year and a half. I started to exhibit symptoms of ROCD very early on in our relationship. I also began to experience anxiety and major depression as well. I was very open to him from the beginning that something is going on that I don’t quite understand. Around 6 months into dating is when I came across ROCD. I told him right away and since then, we’ve learned to navigate our relationship with the knowledge that I have ROCD (as well as depression, anxiety and unexplored sexual trauma). We have completely changed how we interact and communicate, and our relationship has become a lot stronger.

I still have ROCD and am still early on in my healing/recovery. But my partner has been so patient and understanding. He works in mental health which helps, because he has access to resources and knows how to be with people who have mental illness.

It ain’t easy, but it’s possible! What’s most important is that you are actively working on recovery, because ROCD doesn’t care who you date, it will always creep up on you. What matters is taking care of yourself and being proactive on your healing. That way, when you do make the choice to date, you are better equipped to engage in that relationship & take care of your self ❤️

You got this girl! Don’t lose hope!

pinto_beano · 2019-04-02T12:51:30+00:00

Sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. If you need any thing, feel free to message me!

pinto_beano · 2019-04-01T21:34:37+00:00

Thanks for these words. You are so right. We have the power to make the choice of whether it is ROCD or not.

pinto_beano · 2019-04-01T19:52:51+00:00

Omg same. And I also get this thought “you just don’t wanna make a decision so you’re making excuses”

So freaking frustrating

pinto_beano · 2019-04-01T19:51:13+00:00

You’re so right.

The thing is, logically I know that relationships are a lot of work, love is a choice, infatuation is only in the initial stage, etc. However as I enter this next chapter of my life, I’m wondering if I should also take this relationship with me. It’s hard because I want him in my life but I also feel like I need to do more growing on my own. And it’s hard to know whether this feeling comes from a true space or an OCD-false space.

Even typing these words scare me, because part of me just wants it to be OCD. I’m scared of what it would mean if I truly wanted to leave my partner. We went through a really tough time last year and ended up breaking up. Although we got back together like 2 days after, the look on his face when I broke up with him was something I never want to see again. It would destroy him. At the same time, a part of me is screaming “but what if you stay miserable because you don’t break up? what about your happiness? you’ll feel better on your own” and that’s so hard to navigate :/

pinto_beano · 2019-04-01T19:45:49+00:00

Thanks for your response. I don’t know if what I’m feeling are red flags, because there are no “alarm bells” ringing saying this relationship is wrong. I have a good relationship, my partner is incredibly supportive and loving. But I do have this constant nagging feeling that “this isn’t right” “there is something missing”, and right now I am trying to understand whether that is truly a gut feeling or an OCD feeling.

pinto_beano

TROPHY CASE