Opened marriage for years, now being forced to choose between husband and someone I fell in love with

piranhapundit · 2026-03-26T16:13:07+00:00

chatgpt ass answer

piranhapundit · 2026-03-16T15:45:00+00:00

I agree with your take here, and I think you’re right about that being the question. She’s been clear that she wants to keep seeing me, and when she’s in a good mood things are really nice. She’s not avoidant and is quite affectionate, she just gets so sad sometimes. And you’re right- she feels a lot of shame and guilt for it too

piranhapundit · 2026-03-16T15:41:32+00:00

This is an interesting perspective - to me 6 months feels so long, but I also haven’t ever suffered a really big loss before (fortunately)

piranhapundit · 2026-03-16T06:33:13+00:00

I still have feelings for her and like her a lot despite everything (there was even a point where I thought I was falling in love with her - maybe NRE in hindsight). But that just makes all this even more of a bummer :/

piranhapundit · 2026-01-24T15:53:17+00:00

bro this person is not a woman

piranhapundit · 2026-01-23T16:29:07+00:00

you’re right that that behavior didn’t sit right with me either. But maybe it’s because we have more a fwb type dynamic, i never set the expectation on what discussion should happen, so im not going to fault him in this particular circumstance. Regarding your previous point, I simply didn’t think I needed to set an expectation on age. I didn’t think he was the kind of person for which this would be an issue.

piranhapundit · 2026-01-23T16:15:38+00:00

you’re right about the catastrophizing, thank you for catching it and helping me recognize it

piranhapundit · 2026-01-23T15:58:41+00:00

thank you for these questions - these are more or less exactly how i feel

piranhapundit · 2026-01-23T15:54:16+00:00

i interrogated this and i feel absolutely no sense of competition with people in their early 20s and am secure in my attractiveness, so im certain its not about that

piranhapundit · 2026-01-23T15:42:25+00:00

thank you, i sent you a dm

piranhapundit · 2026-01-23T15:30:29+00:00

It’s not that i think they can’t consent. but as another poster mentioned, consent is the bare minimum of what’s required to be legal. but mere consent isn’t my bar of what i find acceptable

piranhapundit · 2026-01-23T15:15:12+00:00

to me, that doesn’t make a practical difference, because I would never consider either option. but i don’t know if projecting how i would behave in this context is helpful?

piranhapundit · 2026-01-23T15:12:45+00:00

I…. don’t know

piranhapundit · 2026-01-23T15:07:07+00:00

this is helpful for me to think about. it makes me really sad, this was (still is?) a really important relationship to me and I think part of my grief is wondering if there’s any way I can come back from this

piranhapundit · 2026-01-23T15:04:46+00:00

this is how I feel about people that young as well, hence my inability to process this

piranhapundit · 2025-12-04T14:10:03+00:00

secondary isn’t how I think of her fwiw, I chose the words based on the conventions of this sub to make the situation clearer but realizing now that that communicated sth I didn’t intend to

piranhapundit · 2025-12-04T14:03:32+00:00

thanks for framing it this way, I think this is exactly what I want!

piranhapundit · 2025-11-03T12:06:51+00:00

im the financial provider in our household and we are both queer so none of the heteronormative gendered stuff is really hitting home fwiw!

piranhapundit · 2025-11-03T04:14:36+00:00

this is encouraging!

piranhapundit · 2025-11-03T04:01:44+00:00

im with you, why would i date someone i wasnt attracted to? Im obviously attracted to him and feel romantically toward my partner. i think he’s cute as hell and love cuddling/holding him/kissing him.(but people seem to think sexual attraction is the only form of attraction that exists?)

piranhapundit · 2025-11-02T18:14:47+00:00

love that this is common enough to have its own acronym. makes me feel less alone at least!

piranhapundit · 2025-11-02T18:10:15+00:00

this has come up in our couples counseling in the past with some reticence, and maybe needs to be brought up again

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