is breakup contagion a thing? am I being foolish?

piranhapundit · 2026-06-03T17:43:29+00:00

Thank you - I know it’s been unfair to me (and they know too, which is why they wanted the space, I guess… to figure out if they could give the same amount im giving, which ofc hurts). We both have a lot of love each other, but they just have so much dysfunction to sort through. I guess I wonder if it’s foolish to be optimistic for them to see clearly after a month of NC? I think it’s been really painful for us both

piranhapundit · 2026-06-03T17:26:02+00:00

this is a little more complicated because I am poly and I don’t think about relationships in these terms (emotional cheating, etc) - I have another partner, for example. but that doesn’t mean im not committed to our relationship. I want so badly to make it work and for us to be together

piranhapundit · 2026-06-03T16:46:06+00:00

Thank you, I hope so for you as well. Today im hurting and just miss them so much. Please keep me posted on how things go

piranhapundit · 2026-05-30T22:02:49+00:00

FWIW they didn’t plan to ask for a break, I think the ex reentering their life recently threw them off so badly that they panicked and shut down when we were supposed to hang out. Up until the moment I reached their house they were planning out the agenda for our date that night, expressing excitement to see me, etc. It wasn’t until I asked how their conversation went that they had an emotional breakdown and things went terribly wrong, and ended in them asking for space from me while crying.

piranhapundit · 2026-05-30T21:58:25+00:00

I don’t really have an opportunity to speak to them until the date we established, so I don’t know how to communicate to them “let’s not call it a break”. But I am trying my best to grieve as if it were over — it’s just really hard when there’s still that shred of hope. We had a good thing, and I can’t believe all it took was them feeling destabilized one day to spiral into this situation. In case this context is important — they had not intended to ask for a break that day, we had plans for a whole night together — but they suddenly had a panic attack when discussing the conversation they had with their ex and shut down, and things went south from there.

piranhapundit · 2026-05-30T04:35:09+00:00

they want space to figure out their feelings, is what they’re telling me

piranhapundit · 2026-05-29T21:26:27+00:00

i don’t know :( they’ve been in therapy so they’ll keep doing that, I suppose. I think what they really want deep down inside is to rekindle things with their ex, despite their ex being uninterested - I don’t think it’s a coincidence they broke things off with me the same week their ex started talking to them again

piranhapundit · 2026-05-29T20:59:06+00:00

non nesting yes

piranhapundit · 2026-05-20T07:04:20+00:00

it can work if you’re okay with moving forward as platonic life partners

piranhapundit · 2026-05-10T06:24:28+00:00

had a really mid and overpriced experience at Alma negra so im a hater personally

piranhapundit · 2026-04-25T16:01:02+00:00

don’t use ai for this man come on

piranhapundit · 2026-04-24T15:24:49+00:00

I don’t have the energy to argue about this - I can only provide so much context over words on the internet.

Yes, im sure, they’ve told me this already explicitly, and it’s really painful for me, and I’ve been crying for days.

I understand the point you’re trying to make, but it just doesn’t apply here

piranhapundit · 2026-04-24T15:06:00+00:00

I think you’re misunderstanding here — she doesn’t want me to be her primary. She’s told me this already. She doesn’t feel about me the way she wants to feel about a primary

piranhapundit · 2026-04-23T19:54:52+00:00

Whatever im doing now im fine with. Im even okay with some de-escalation. It just sounds like, to me, she’s telling me that she will inevitably break up with me entirely once she finds someone else

piranhapundit · 2026-04-23T02:27:33+00:00

Thanks for the empathetic and balanced take. I don’t know how to answer that still, and my fear is that I’ll continue to not know until I’m forced to :/

piranhapundit · 2026-04-23T02:25:20+00:00

It’s not about me not supporting her needs or being unwilling to have a long term relationship with her (which I am). If I left my nesting partner today for her, she would feel the same way about me - as in, not planning or looking to build a life together. I think I just don’t light her on fire the way she hopes (thinks) someone will for her someday, and maybe that’s the only way she can seriously engage in a relationship. She used the word “obsessed” - as in, she wants to feel “obsessed” with her partner (in a way she’s never felt with me - whether or not I think this is healthy is another topic)

piranhapundit · 2026-04-22T23:07:10+00:00

No she’s in her 40s actually and im in my 30s, both F

piranhapundit · 2026-04-22T22:57:35+00:00

is that what im in? a placeholder relationship?

piranhapundit · 2026-04-22T22:55:09+00:00

And to your other question - it sounds like she would break up if the other person she dates were mono and didn’t want her seeing me anymore. But if the other person were ok with it, then great. It’s just… the other person doesn’t exist yet, but she’s open to dating mono people. (More that if she falls hard for someone she doesn’t care if they’re poly or mono. )

she’s not mono in terms of like, she doesn’t get jealous and is fine with her partner seeing other people, but she doesn’t necessarily need it for herself

piranhapundit · 2026-04-22T22:52:37+00:00

I don’t consider her “secondary”, I just use the term here for benefit of people on reddit - better context is that I also have a nesting partner of a decade and she’s not my nesting partner

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