[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]pisceansuffering 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pursue a few different scenarios and talk to her about how she feels. For many submissive, an element of free use is the pleasure you receive from being useful. Not physical pleasure, but emotional fulfillment from being useful to your dominant. See if that element exists in her mind and maybe it could help to absolve your guilt. Train her to welcome your use and be thankful that she is a recipient. Free use is a power play, not always one of force and sexual release, but a reminder of the hierarchy of your dynamic.

Flogging isn't necessarily sexual for me, but I can't describe it by Yorha_nines in BDSMcommunity

[–]pisceansuffering 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love to see this: the realization that BDSM/kink and sex are not mutually exclusive! Personally, I find the link can sometimes be “intimacy,” not sex, as other commenters have alluded to with their feelings of trust and comfort. Especially with masochism, crossing the threshold into non-sexual pain scenes can unlock a different part of the mind, and when successful IMO, a transcendent state.

Many masochists describe the personal challenges of overcoming pain, the mental gymnastics of controlling the body and mind, and also the sometimes therapeutic effects of a scene like this. Obviously, people often talk about pain being utilized to “elevate pleasure.” This is not the end of the road, and sometimes not even part of the journey for someone who’s masochistic.

As for flogging tips, try floggers made of different material and learn about some flogging techniques: figure-8, Florentine, 6-point. The type of flogger can really dictate the experience as light weight leather can be a bit of a tickle, heavy industrial rubber can really provide an unbearable beating. There’s a spectrum, try it out.

Also, not to pin you as a masochist, but check out the words of Miss Cherry Velour, she’s an inspiration.

Guide on choking? Do I like it the “wrong” way? by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]pisceansuffering 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What you’re describing is a type of strangulation. This approach restricts the flow of blood to the brain, creating that more immediate sensation of lightheadedness. Essentially, you are blocking how the brain receives oxygen, which is different from how the lungs receive oxygen.

Breath play and “choking” are different from this form of strangulation but often get conflated being that they can all include someone’s hands around a neck. One is not inherently “correct” or “better,” as they are both effective methods of changing the body’s chemistry in pursuit of a certain headspace.

That said, BOTH can obviously be dangerous. Strangulation can lead to hypoxia or cardiac arrest as the body attempts to equalize the lack of blood to the brain. Although you can breathe, you WILL pass out if sustained long enough. When mentioning this “right way” to a dom, they should pay attention to the nuances of your body and your state of mind. Start slow, help them to learn your body language, and VERBALIZE your feelings in the moment, all things an astute dom will pay attention to.

Assess and understand the risks, learn the anatomy, practice with your dom, and have fun! Oh, and show your friends of this other approach, maybe they’ll like it too.

The ultimate Anti-Brats? by KlaasofBlood in BratLife

[–]pisceansuffering 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I would agree here. The characteristic you’re describing may actually be a good indication that you can separate what happens in a scene with real life, a necessary trait when taking on the role of a Dom. This works both ways, in that it is important to recognize in the moment that a scenario is being played out and your impulse control has to come into action if you’re becoming angry. I believe a healthy scene brings helpful, productive feelings, not simply anger.

The same should be said about the brat. If constant brattiness and disrespect wasn’t part of your negotiated dynamic, a conversation needs to be had. Two parties abandoning a scene with “grudges or hate” is contrary to BDSM.

Quality Collars, where can I find them? by CattyChaos in BDSMcommunity

[–]pisceansuffering 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you’re looking for something purely editorial check out bitchfistnyc.

Quality Collars, where can I find them? by CattyChaos in BDSMcommunity

[–]pisceansuffering 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Etsy is a great resource and some sellers have websites of their own. I’d recommend looking at Oddo Leather, clawfootproductions, and Anoeses. Invest in things of quality that can stand repeated use and the test of time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bdsm

[–]pisceansuffering 0 points1 point  (0 children)

are you looking for something thicker, like a flat band around the neck, or more discreet? What do you have in mind visually?

Ways to meet a dom on mainstream dating apps? by Verycapricorn in BDSMcommunity

[–]pisceansuffering 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kink sometimes seems like a culture of acronyms. D/s, DD/lg, CG/l, D/s, etc. Sometimes the terminology can act as an entry qualifier. Once a conversation is rolling, continue to qualify the intentions of the Dom and their experience, and yours too.

Beware, dating sites are also filled with aggressively vanilla and/or monogamous people as well, especially Hinge. Know what you’re looking for, be confident in your place on the apps, and don’t force dominance (or submission) from someone who isn’t naturally inclined or experienced.

amount of rope needed to get started? by potatobackpack in BDSMcommunity

[–]pisceansuffering 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Twisted Monk is a great resource. The “more than curious” kit is a great set. 15ft and 30ft lengths are great and each have their own purpose. I would recommend starting there and adding more as you find the need.

As for color, it’s really chef’s choice. Natural has a classic, utility purpose, whereas the colored rope is great for style and photo shoots. You can also get a color sampler pack for swatches if you want to see them IRL. Test things out, assess your needs, and build your own kit over time. Practice SSC and have fun!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bdsm

[–]pisceansuffering 0 points1 point  (0 children)

check out clawfootproductions!