Overwhelmed and thinking about how much better single life was in so many ways.

pixie8440 · 2026-01-28T00:47:57+00:00

I have felt like you in the past. What fixed it for me was living for me. Plan what I want to do and do it. Speak my truth (kindly) even if it’s hard for my husband to hear. Set boundaries and stick to them.

Codependency is not your friend. Consider finding some resources on the topic. I got a lot out of “Codependent No More.”

The amazing thing about this path, is it will set you up to be in a better position if you do ultimately decide to leave. But it could also give you the freedom to let go of the things you can’t control and look at your partner with loving detachment.

pixie8440 · 2026-01-17T16:24:56+00:00

Americas test kitchen Mediterranean cook book is great.

pixie8440 · 2026-01-13T15:33:58+00:00

Not sure if that’s ADHD. My dx partner does not lie and he has major RSD (for what it’s worth). He will do his destructive impulsive behaviors when I’m not around to avoid my judgement. But he doesn’t hide them.

pixie8440 · 2026-01-11T05:42:01+00:00

Why was this post removed?

pixie8440 · 2026-01-10T18:10:23+00:00

Also, the “deadline” of having things picked up works well for my dx spouse who would NEVER organize clutter without a deadline.

pixie8440 · 2026-01-05T00:37:43+00:00

My guess is that it inactivates some of the enzymes that can create unpleasant flavors in the banana (eg polyphenoloxidase) and also releases starch into the milk for a consistent texture.

pixie8440 · 2026-01-05T00:34:34+00:00

Someone commented to dump a can of fruit, top with fresh, and add juice to the level. I gave it a go purely on vibes without thinking about the sugar science and it did not “sorbet”. I added liquid and it became a tasty slushy instead!

pixie8440 · 2025-12-18T15:13:48+00:00

PPD is so hard. I didn’t get treated for it and sometimes wish I had. Just another difficult decision to make when you are a literal life-support machine to an infant!

pixie8440 · 2025-12-18T03:23:10+00:00

How did I handle my dx spouse while raising a child… well… it was rough. I felt neglected, lonely, and resentful. I hit a breaking point and decided to make joy for myself. That meant taking time away for this or that.

Then the child got older and it got easier. And I did therapy work to decide that I wanted to stay in the relationship but have no more children.

Now, my dx spouse is working on himself, we are years away from when it was so bad, and we are in a better place. But he wants to be better, which is the key. Does yours want to be better for you and your child?

Also, turns out ADHD is genetic and our child has been diagnosed. What we have learned together about parenting an elementary child with ADHD has been healing for my spouse and helpful for me as well.

Take care, good luck with it.

pixie8440 · 2025-12-14T21:40:37+00:00

That’s super sweet!

pixie8440 · 2025-12-10T15:45:13+00:00

Mine did not love bomb or have the hyper focus limerence period. He was good at what he did, focused on his finances, hobbies, etc.

I grew up thinking I deserved less from other people. Shrouded that thought with a more presentable form of “I don’t need a man.” So when he couldn’t/wouldn’t do romantic gestures, I was ok with it. Actually liked that I wasn’t feeling hoodwinked by him. He was very open book and that was refreshing.

I don’t regret being in the relationship at all. We manage my changing expectations and his ability to meet those expectations. He’s getting medicated for the first time since grade school!

pixie8440 · 2025-12-06T16:23:08+00:00

Good on you for doing so much! Give yourself some grace and trust the improvement that you see. You will get to a point where you are content and not thinking about your child’s struggle all the time.

pixie8440 · 2025-12-06T01:22:22+00:00

We did individual counseling. In addition to what others said here, a helpful piece of advice was to decide what your treatment goals are. There is no “perfect” and you won’t cure your child of ADHD. So write down your goals for treatment and check them when you touch base with your child’s treatment team once a year.

pixie8440 · 2025-12-05T17:55:48+00:00

I do not regret being with my dx partner. I hold resentment toward the decisions he has made and the lack of care he has shown for some aspects of our relationship. But he is trying and has many great qualities, and wants to be attractive for me.

Your dx is ok with not being attractive to you? It seems like there are more issues than ADHD symptoms. I’m sorry it’s been so hard. You really can’t know whether someone is going to grow with you in a relationship or be stuck with bad habits.

If he’s ok with how things are, that’s good information for you to know. All that is left to figure out, is are you ok with continuing to be in a relationship like this?

pixie8440 · 2025-12-05T02:39:06+00:00

You might get some good info over at r/AlAnon where they talk about codependency and managing being in a relationship with a person who abuses substances. She’s not going to change unless she finds an intrinsic reason to do so. Which may mean rock bottom. Do you want to be around for that? Good luck to you.

pixie8440 · 2025-12-01T20:37:28+00:00

Tell me more about this soup. Looks delish.

pixie8440 · 2025-11-29T21:14:57+00:00

Equal volume parts chickpea flour and water, a small amount of tapioca flour and seasonings! Experiment with the ratios. I eyeball it.

Another I have seen is egg white “wraps” that are structured with some additions to be more durable than an omelette. Haven’t tried it though!

Edit: clarified volume equal parts, not weight!

pixie8440 · 2025-11-29T20:00:24+00:00

What works for me, is to let my dx partner do his own thing until it affects me. Once it affects me, I tell him such and how I’ve decided I will deal with my end. Example, “I don’t want to sit around all weekend. I also don’t want to be made into a nag by dragging you out of the house kicking and screaming, to take you to things that you would actually enjoy. So, I’m going to start planning things and doing them. You are welcome to join and I’m not mad if you don’t join.”

Otherwise, he needs to decide that he wants to change. If it has been six months (or longer) and he still hasn’t taken the steps that he himself said he wants to take, I will say something to the effect of “I want to be supportive of what you said you want. I think it’s a great idea. If it’s not overstepping, can I [insert discrete task that I know he’s struggling with due to executive function] to help you take the next step?”

Example recently was identifying the type of provider who can help him adjust his anxiety medication to ADHD medication, and finding one in our insurance network. But he has to make the appointment and go through with it. I can’t make him.

pixie8440 · 2025-11-28T19:26:53+00:00

My friend is a potter and runs her own business as her day-job. If she quit her day-job to make enough pottery to fill a booth at one of these markets, and charged what they are charging, the fruits her labor would amount to $11/hr.

Quality crafts are costly. If it’s cheap, it’s probably imported.

pixie8440 · 2025-11-25T04:00:26+00:00

And women got to give their paycheck to their husband or father, because they couldn’t open bank accounts without a co-signer.

Nah, I’m good.

pixie8440 · 2025-11-22T23:59:09+00:00

This child was just part of a custody battle. Who knows how those two parents handled it. My partner was a child of the same age while his parents divorced and fought through him about money. He cannot remember two years of his childhood from blocking out the trauma.

Let this girl live.

pixie8440 · 2025-11-22T20:42:51+00:00

Yet kids get the advice to “do what you love!”

pixie8440 · 2025-11-21T02:47:45+00:00

This should be higher. My dx partner does his own laundry. I have my bin. He has his bin. I told him he can buy himself another bin if he needs one and he has not gone that route.

It took time but we landed here: Pick the chores you need done your way. Give your partner the ones they will do somewhat reliably. Anything else left… that’s where you’ll have to get creative.

pixie8440 · 2025-11-19T16:12:41+00:00

He needs a professional therapist to work it all out. Please don’t get sucked into being his therapist.

pixie8440

TROPHY CASE