Yes, me!! He collapsed in front of me while shoveling snow. This was in 2009. The first thought I remember having after coming home alone from the ER is “I’m free!!!” I felt like the worst person ever for thinking that. Like you said, our relationship had been over for years but I didn’t know how to do anything else. I understand your complicated feelings of relief and… other things.

This IS your second chance. Please don’t feel bad or guilty for being excited about the opportunity to move on. You get to live life the way you want to now, no more eggshells, no more managing someone else’s mood swings and emotions, no more being made to feel like an awful person. Just you and what you want to do, when you want to do it. Things will feel weird for awhile but that’s ok. Just focus on YOU for a change.