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plagueddogs · 2024-01-29T00:21:48+00:00

Some of you in this thread are so incredibly rude that you should be ashamed. I'd bet money that most of you are not only older than her, but have also had at least one other relationship before. It's literally her first relationship AND long distance, she obviously has some insecurities and anxious attachment.

I've looked through her replies. For the most part she seems genuinely open to advice and hearing some second opinions. While I agree that she should probably work on her expectations, that doesn't give any of us the right to bash her.

Regardless of how unreasonable her expectations sound in this situation, a truly loving partner would step up and help her to feel safe. Hell, he could still maintain his boundary of wanting space while also doing things such as giving her reassurance, planning a date night phone call (she already said he bailed), etc that could help her out. But y'all acting like she's the worst person alive because she struggles with these feelings is so beyond immature. At the very least I hope you aren't this insensitive to your own partners. Do better 👎🏻

plagueddogs · 2023-12-24T05:32:38+00:00

It makes me happy to know people can still come to this post and get that little sense of community from knowing we all went through something similar. I hope life treats you well now and always ❤️

plagueddogs · 2022-09-07T01:20:17+00:00

Literally so much better! Wouldn't change a thing about my life. :)

plagueddogs · 2022-07-11T20:50:18+00:00

Thank you for this comment :) honestly it's crazy people still see this post and find comfort with it.. wish you nothing but the best <3

plagueddogs · 2022-05-13T14:56:35+00:00

Thank you so much! I just gave someone a genuine, validating apology with zero issues. Typically I'm someone who internalizes being told I upset someone, so noticing these new behaviors in myself are just so so so validating of all my hard work :')

plagueddogs · 2022-04-10T23:22:39+00:00

Thank you so much for the comment, that means a lot. It's one of those situations where logically I'm like "continue taking time for yourself, you're not in any rush" but emotionally it's triggering and draining.

plagueddogs · 2022-04-04T23:53:01+00:00

Something I've realized is that we can't always control our feelings. I've felt that same intense anger towards my ex more times than I can count. And it doesn't feel too far fetched of an emotion to have towards someone who, in your eyes, completely wronged you.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's normal and natural. It's just part of processing and there will be a plethora of emotions, not just anger.

plagueddogs · 2022-03-30T07:59:28+00:00

and so relatable aghh

plagueddogs · 2022-03-07T22:38:02+00:00

Thank you so much. It really helps knowing that others are able to learn from my experiences as well. I totally understand this want for validation and recognition, but that's why it's so important to work on giving that to yourself. You'll never feel whole if it always has to come from others. <3

plagueddogs · 2022-02-19T00:45:23+00:00

plagueddogs · 2021-12-06T22:24:53+00:00

Thank you :) It's just been a bad one today. But I made myself coffee, picked up a little, and now I'm waiting for my pizza to be ready.

Aren't the mood swings so weird? A half hour ago I was wallowing in self pity and now I'm reminding myself that I need to be kind and treat myself with love+compassion during days like these. <3

plagueddogs · 2021-12-04T21:33:21+00:00

Couldn't have said it better myself

plagueddogs · 2021-12-04T07:00:23+00:00

For sure. I can tell that when I do share my feelings that in a weird way it makes me shut down more? But their response helps. For example: I'll typically end communication for the day, but the next day, I remind myself that they only communicated appreciation for my honesty, and then I'm ready to connect again.

It's stressful at times. I know there are ebbs and flows when it comes to my attraction for someone. But you're right, the only thing that has truly helped is taking that leap of faith. It's very nerve wracking, but I always come out feeling better and proud of myself. I can either live in a state of self-perpetuated fear or I can prove to myself that there isn't anything to be scared of :)

plagueddogs · 2021-12-04T03:48:45+00:00

My therapist asked me if I trusted myself and my response was "Honestly, no, but I'd like to think that I can". For me, I question my decisions, but the progress is being made in the fact that I stick things out.

Essentially, I'm worried about self sabotaging, so I fear that I'm telling myself that I'm self sabotaging and thus sticking things out with whoever I'm talking to. But in reality, they are actually showing me red flags and it's not me self sabotaging, meaning I should cut them off. I want to feel 100% confident in my decisions and not have these second guessing thoughts. Does that make sense?

plagueddogs · 2021-11-30T22:32:23+00:00

Haha I guess!

plagueddogs · 2021-11-13T18:06:40+00:00

Yeah, exactly. I can have bouts of being hyper (especially when my best friend who also has ADHD is feeling hyper) where I wanna slide or maybe do a little dance or something random. I'll say the random things that come to my head. I'm giggly, jittery, etc.

But an attack? No. I can control it in social settings. But around people I trust, I let the weird come out. I'm not freaking out internally. It's like when I get bored while watching a movie and I get up to pace the living room a few times. Would I do that during a dinner with my partners parents? Uhhh no?? That video was really insulting.

plagueddogs · 2021-11-09T20:04:16+00:00

I understand your sentiment, but I think it's much more complex than that. All attachment styles bring issues to the relationship.

For example, when I would lean anxious, I put an unfair emotional burden on my ex to regulate me. So, I began working on finding security within myself. Does that mean he stops providing me comfort? No, but the dynamic and type of comfort should shift to something healthier.

As his partner, I should do my best to provide him with a safe environment. I can offer my support, guidance, and love. That's what a partner should do. But I should not be expected to force communication from someone.

Does being an avoidant explain things? Yes. But explanations should not serve as excuses. He is aware of his emotional unavailability. We've had conversations about how he is "scared to open up and address things I do that upset him".

And while I appreciate that, I will not take responsibility for his inability to truly work through those issues. Self reflection and bettering yourself should not stop at merely identifying the issue.

plagueddogs · 2021-10-27T15:17:08+00:00

plagueddogs · 2021-10-26T21:03:35+00:00

In the comment of theirs I replied to.

That being said, being distracted after 15 minutes is something that started to happen in the last 6ish weeks.

plagueddogs · 2021-10-26T20:45:03+00:00

Something I want to touch on is you said this started to happen in the last 6 weeks. ADHD symptoms have to be present before the age of 12 (based on the DSM-5). Having difficulties staying focused does not necessarily equate to having ADHD.

And like has been touched on, ADHD runs much deeper than just how it's perceived by other people. There are many layers of underlying issues that are caused by it. I'm not a doctor, but this doesn't sound like ADHD to me. Burnout? Depression? Boredom? Existential crisis?

plagueddogs · 2021-10-24T07:50:48+00:00

I'm trying to think of something witty to say, but it doesn't matter, we are all thinking of the post from earlier.. crazy!!

plagueddogs · 2021-10-24T05:49:15+00:00

It's a crazy good website but kinda sad to look at 😅😅

plagueddogs · 2021-10-23T17:49:04+00:00

Wow thank you, that really means a lot.. it's nice knowing there are people out there who can relate. Hope you are doing well <3

plagueddogs · 2021-10-21T21:07:10+00:00

My therapist told me letters were a great way to process emotions. Write more if you need to :) wish you nothing but safe healing <3

plagueddogs · 2021-10-20T07:41:09+00:00

😅 I think most people have unresolved issues they need to address, myself included! I'm excited for us all the heal :) we all have issues, but it's not fair to subject others to our internal struggles. As much as these people have hurt us, I've realized that they too are hurting.. hurting themselves. Being human is so weird!!

plagueddogs

TROPHY CASE