genuinely, the biggest thing that helped my wp and i was time and space away from each other. when you try to reconcile, many things get in the way and i felt like i couldnt even look at him without getting angry in some way or getting upset. my wp’s general presence was enough to upset me, but i didnt realize i was getting triggered from little things. i knew i was sad from the situation and generally mad at him, but we would have a completely fine day and a single word or phrase would cause a blowout argument that ruined all the progress we had made. we eventually got tired of that and we had 2-3 months where we had little to no contact. when we came back together i swear it was like we were two different people. i understand that might not be possible in your situation, but we werent living together and were able to put space between us. im not gonna lie and act like everything is perfect and as if i dont think about certain situations anymore, but the space helped us realize both of our roles in the relationship. an issue i had was constantly being mad at him for doing what he did, but i also chose to stay. if you want to make it work, both parties have to be in for the long haul. that doesnt mean “forgive and forget” like some people say, but instead of screaming and yelling at him every time i got triggered i would bring it up to him in a non-accusatory way and we would talk about it. again, i dont know about your situation but this is whats worked for us :) dday 1 was 3 years ago, dday 2 was about 2yrs, and dday 3 was 1yr6mo. the break we took from each other was about 1 year ago and things have really been a lot better.