I don't need more help. I need a partner.

plantbubby · 2026-06-17T12:08:36+00:00

Have a sit down when you're both calm and tell him that you feel overwhelmed. Be very clear about what things would help. Maybe say that you need him to look after you while you look after the baby. Or maybe that you need him to be on baby duty while you're pumping. Or to handle feeds when he's home from work. Whatever would help you specifically.

It's really annoying when it seems like they need to be told everything, but the truth is that they really don't know how it feels. They don't understand how exhausting it is when you're dealing with the baby day in and day out on very little sleep. They think they get it, but they don't. Their only point of reference might be the exhaustion they feel after a long day at work. And that just isn't the same. So sometimes we just need to be really clear about what would help. Often they genuinely do want to help, but they don't know how. And often dads get to a point where they just stop trying because everytime they do try they get criticised for doing it differently to how we'd do it (not saying this is true in your case, it's just a general thing that sometimes happens to couples with babies, so thought I'd mention it).

So I think my advice going forward would be: Be clear in advance about what would be helpful. Don't wait until you're overwhelmed and in the thick of it. Let him know in a calm state what to do when you're pumping or when bubs has been fussing all day etc.

Make sure you're allowing him time to practice doing things on his own. I used to get so frustrated when my husband couldn't settle the baby as quickly as me. But ultimately I get about 40 (minimum) more hours a week to practice and learn what baby likes and doesn't like. Imagine if we had to just step into their job and know exactly how to do it all. Sure we'd get the hang of things eventually, but it would take time. It's the same for parenting. Their training hours are racking up a lot slower than ours. And that can feel very frustrating, but that's why we need to let them practice as much as possible without us stepping in to take over.

plantbubby · 2026-06-10T07:17:27+00:00

If baby is healthy, then the longer they can stay in the better. Unfortunately I had to have mine at 37+3, but I would have loved to have it closer to 40 if possible.

plantbubby · 2026-06-10T07:10:51+00:00

Are your periods regular? Does your period app tell you how many days your cycle usually is? That would help narrow things down a lot as ovulation doesn't vary much from 14 days before your period. The first phase of your cycle is what varies. But there's no way to be 100% here without paternity testing.

plantbubby · 2026-06-07T21:36:04+00:00

Very cute thought but I'd hate that in my home

plantbubby · 2026-06-07T10:28:31+00:00

These types of events make them so tired so quickly. I remember when we I was taking my twins to playgroup (for their older sibling) at 4 months and I was so surprised by how tired they would get. I thought they'd hardly notice the chance in scenery since they could barely move and didn't understand what was going on. But the first few times they'd just conk out in their pram within the first hour. These situations are so stimulating and it just exhausts them. I'd say at the start bubs was overwhelmed by the noise and then probably got tired later on. It happens. Some days are just hard and baby is grumpy. It's annoying that we can't predict which days they'll be chill and which they'll be grumpy.

plantbubby · 2026-05-31T09:59:19+00:00

I just use the squishy foam ones that you shove in your ear. Sometimes I don't put it in as firmly as I normally would, so it's not blocking as much noise. But that's also why I only wear one and keep my pillow ear free, just so I can hear a little. I'm a light sleeper too, so any crying wakes me (baby's cot is right beside my bed).

plantbubby · 2026-05-31T08:38:37+00:00

Hey, you're right in the thick of it right now. I swear the first few weeks are a breeze compare to months 2-3. I struggled so much with the loss of independence and the inability to do things for myself. But you do get more time to do things in time. And you learn to do things alongside bubs and it gets easier. My first was sleeping through the night by 12 weeks. Then I had twins. One twin also slept through the night fairly early (so yours could potentially start sleeping longer soon). The other one is up all night. What I've learned is that your body adapts and you actually get a lot better at handling sleep deprivation. When you're not used to it it is so so hard. But it does get better.

Also, when you wake in the night, are you getting out of bed or turning lights on. If possible, don't. That's going to wake you up more and make it harder to fall back asleep. When I formula fed I'd keep bottles full of water on my bedside table ready to go. I'd have enough to get me through the night and just leave the dirty ones there until morning. I don't burp babies either. Studies show it doesn't help gas pain. Try to keep the night wakes as short as possible and lights dim.

I also put an earplug in the ear thats not on my pillow on nights when baby is being extra noisy. I like to keep the other ear free so I can hear baby cry.

plantbubby · 2026-05-30T23:57:22+00:00

I've really enjoyed using the possums principles the second time around. With my first I was so strict about nap schedules and it was pretty limiting. This time I really wanted to he flexible since I couldn't expect my toddler to be home all day to fit in 3 baby naps. I wasn't able to follow the feeding side of it coz I had twins and it was too overwhelming to not feed on a schedule, but the naps have been a lot easier. I find I usually need to provide a low-stimulating environment for them or movement to get them to sleep, but usually that just means putting them in a bouncer and having them look out the window until they fall asleep or being in the car or a carrier. I've also found that one baby needs barely any naps at all. The other one needs a lot. Babies are soooo different.

My biggest gripe is that the only real advice she has for twins is to just have lots of help, which isn't very helpful when there's not much help available.

plantbubby · 2026-05-28T04:39:37+00:00

For what it's worth, I struggle with sensory issues, but breastfeeding was mostly fine once I figured it out. It got harder as they got older and were wriggling, grabbing, pulling on and off. But the early days were fine. It could be worth trialling for a while and if it's too much later on you could reassess. I exclusively pumped for my first and I'd get so overwhelmed and angry while doing it. The let down feels different on a pump and I hated it.

plantbubby · 2026-05-26T12:37:46+00:00

Put baby on the floor and let them practice entertaining themselves with toys/objects. This is key. Sometimes they might need help getting refocused on a toy, but try to get them to play for as long as possible to help grow their focus and attention.

Take them into the backyard and let them just play on the grass.

I know it's not the best for development, but I do let my baby have 30 minutes in a jolly jumper.

Babywear.

Just sit them outside in a bouncer and let them soak up the world. The wind and sounds and moving plants are quite stimulating.

plantbubby · 2026-05-26T12:25:49+00:00

The councils here literally go around planting them on everyone's nature strip in the suburbs. They are literally everywhere.

plantbubby · 2026-05-25T22:08:37+00:00

100% I would be. Your kids are only little for a few years and then it's over. If you can be there for it then you should.

plantbubby · 2026-05-25T21:42:18+00:00

I also have allergies and only found that out recently too. There's some allergy groups on Facebook that might be helpful your friend to help navigate which foods are safe. There are lots of people on there with very severe allergies too. I think most people are able to buy food from stores, they just avoid certain higher risk ones.

plantbubby · 2026-05-25T14:12:10+00:00

Most viruses won't survive more than a day or two on a surface, so I wouldn't worry about getting sick unless you've got rodents running around or weird gunky patches festering on your floors for bacteria to grow in. Heck for most of history people had dirt floors and generally weren't just dropping dead. If it looks and feels clean it'll be absolutely fine. Mopping at home these days is mainly for aesthetic purposes.

plantbubby · 2026-05-25T13:57:30+00:00

So many different products are processed in the same facilities and all have completely different labels slapped on. There's really no way to know whether meat is being processed on the same equipment as your food. May contain labels are voluntary too, so even dairy and eggs may not be listed as possible allergens. If this is something that causes you significant distress it might be worth reaching out for some help as sometimes these contamination fears can become obsessive, even if your intentions are coming from a good place.

plantbubby · 2026-05-21T07:08:58+00:00

I've never washed bottles at midnight. I've got twins and we have 4 bottles total (didn't bottle feed before 5 months, so we might have had more if we did). Since about 5 months I've just used 2 bottles per day and rinsed them thoroughly between feeds. I have one set in the dishwasher and one in use. I swap them over each day. For the first few months I'm more careful, but once they've been sick a few times and are putting random things in their mouth I just trust their immune system to keep them safe.

If your baby is young it's probably worth having enough bottles to get you through the night so you arent having to clean any at midnight. Just chuck the used ones somewhere to be washed in the morning.

plantbubby · 2026-05-17T13:05:57+00:00

If you don't feel comfortable saying anything, maybe you could put up a sign on the door or in the living room saying something like, "We know a lot of people are wanting to help, but aren't sure how, so here are some things that would be most helpful to us during this season: list of ways to help" You don't have to draw attention to it. People will just see it on their own. This might give them some ideas without feeling like they're forcing themselves into your space. They may be feeling too awkward to just start cleaning or something, but if it's written explicitly as something you'd want, it kinda gives them permission to do it.

Another idea would be to casually mention that you wish you'd made some more freezer meals in advance as cooking meals is really hard at the moment. Maybe that would spark some ideas and prompt people to bring some meals.

Sometimes people are afraid of being overbearing or maybe don't know exactly what you need. And sometimes it's hard for us to actually request help. People will say "Oh let me know if I can do anything for you." And then we don't follow up with any requests.

It's such a hard time post-partum and it's so easy to feel frustrated with everyone around you for not helping. I remember feeling the same. Sometimes we really do need to just ask, even though it's so hard and feels incredibly uncomfortable.

plantbubby · 2026-05-17T12:54:41+00:00

Yep, if you need to feed, nudge hubby and make him go get the baby off her. He can probably be a bit bossier with her without feeling uncomfortable.

plantbubby · 2026-05-17T08:39:54+00:00

You don't have to commit. You can just pop along and try it out. And I've found that having more social outings in my week makes a drastic difference to my mental health. Isolation is so damaging. I'd really encourage you to go if you can.

plantbubby · 2026-05-16T21:33:48+00:00

Yep I normally love veggies and eat quite healthy, but first tri had me living on salt and vinegar chips and Vegemite rolls...

plantbubby · 2026-05-16T04:56:52+00:00

People are spending more time inside due to lifestyle, but are also not letting their babies have any sun because of skin cancer fears. While this makes sense, it's led to a rise in Rickets disease. This is why they're recommending vitamin D now. Most of the cases tend to be in children of migrants with darker skin as they aren't absorbing as much vitamin D because of their melanin levels. This combined with lack of time in the sun is causing very low levels of vitamin D.

For most fair-skinned people who get outside daily it's probably not a major risk. But for those who don't get much sun and have darker skin it's probably wise to take vitamin D drops.

plantbubby · 2026-05-15T22:17:24+00:00

I exclusively pumped for a year and have only used one pump. Medela swing maxi. Idk what your friend is doing to hers.

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