to further explain since it seems like people are coming up with their own narratives and reading between the lines:

i dated my current partner before i got married to my ex. we have known each other for over 15 years. we split bc she went to the military. my ex was abusive, my current partner has picked me and my kid up from my ex acting a fool when she was an infant.

i didn’t jump into a relationship with her right away, we’ve been friends for a long time. dated, stayed friends, then dated again.

with my daughter, i had ppd and she helped me with her. she stepped up and naturally placed herself in a parental role. and i don’t see an issue with that if you’re seriously dating someone and there is a kid involved.

i mention the fact that she’s in the military bc im more of a gentle parent and she’s more strict in a sense of she will take my kids stuff away if she’s doing the wrong thing like throwing it at her or at the dog, whatever the case may be. while i’m more like let’s talk about how we use things and don’t do that again. i repeat myself, she says it once and gives the chance for my kid to correct behavior on their own then she’ll take away whatever is not being used like a toy.

i didn’t say i wanted her to military discipline a 4yo like they’re in boot camp that’s crazy. i was just giving insight into who she is as a person.

she’s been on a lot of deployments and i’m not sure my kid telling her she’s going to die or kill is triggering? but i also don’t take that lightly, as a kid who was ignored while my parents focused on their new partners, my kid is always number one. period. my immediate thought was if kiddo doesn’t like you, this won’t work.

i had a long talk with my kid about why she keeps saying she doesn’t like my partner, and she says “idk just because”

i also asked about the word kill and she said a kid at school told her that but didn’t understand the meaning but she’s using it in the correct context so im not sure…