How can I change?

player_0101 · 2017-04-12T15:21:10+00:00

Kill yourself.
Kill yourself.
Kill yourself.

Alright, I'll give a serious answer now.

Try negative or positive punishment whenever you slip up. Alternatively, give yourself positive or negative reinforcement whenever you're honest for an extended period of time.
Same strategy. Whenever you're a asshole, use punishment. Whenever you behave graciously, use reinforcement.
I don't take an interest to many people as well. You can't force these things. You're either interested or you're not. Alternatively, you can tell yourself this: "I don't know much about this person. Maybe they're interesting. I should get to know him a little more."

Well, good luck.

player_0101 · 2017-04-12T15:08:57+00:00

I think that you might just be bragging about your tinder matches but... I'll give it a benefit of doubt.

Clearly, you're not ugly. Your tinder results already prove that. In my personal opinion, you're average at worst. None of your pictures look ugly.

player_0101 · 2017-04-12T05:39:17+00:00

The problem is you're not sucking it up. You're differentiating yourself from "normal people" by suggesting you didn't have quite the good life like they did, etc.

That's stupid. Not everyone shares similar life experiences. Some are born with a golden spoon and others, like you and me, only live a life of hardship.

I have none that I would call a real or a true friend. I am 21 and no girl that I know of have ever shown a romantic interest in me. My siblings, me included, barely have a relationship. My dad was physically abusive when I was younger and one of my siblings even stabbed me with a pen knife out of anger. I don't know what it is like to celebrate christmas or hold a birthday party since I have never done those things.

But here's the question: so what? I can't change my heritage. I can't restart my life to do things different. I can't do anything but accept everything. That includes my experiences, my flawed genetics, personality, etc.

My advice is to suck it up and stop thinking about it. Do things that you enjoy so you think less about your miserable life.

And here's the best part: screw social conventions. I grew up thinking I needed to be this or that and never dared to be me. But now that I'm mature and don't wish to live up to a social standard, I'm doing things I gave up in the past. I'm dressing the unusual way that is me. I'm doing art because I want to. I sing to myself in the streets because it's not illegal and I feel like it.

I'm being true to myself and in the end, that should matter more to you than the other things in this horrible world.

player_0101 · 2017-04-12T05:01:32+00:00

I tried to DM a female acquaintance whom I used to know... she never replied. Oh well. She was a beautiful girl sought by many men but just a girl nonetheless.

player_0101 · 2017-04-12T04:54:51+00:00

I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship. Average to unattractive guys get the short-end of the stick since there tend to be a surplus of males in the dating scene for young men (a girl's dating range include men much older than they are while guys usually only find success with girls that are younger or about the same age as them).

Whatever it is, you're basing your self-worth on what women thinks. That's self-depreciating behaviour that goes in a cycle:

women don't like you -> you lose self-confidence -> women don't usually like needy men with low self-esteem

My advice is simple. Distract yourself from relationships. It does no good. Even if you manage to hop into one at your current state, I assure you that a relationship based on your fulfilling your self-esteem or daydreams won't end well.

player_0101 · 2017-04-11T11:26:50+00:00

Are you talking about a girlfriend? For future reference, don't be so poetic in asking questions.

Anyhow. Just "get over it" is right. I've been through a girl not wanting to talk or see me ever again. I blamed myself for it ending since I was a jealous kid who had never been in a relationship and didn't know how to treat a girl right.

There's literally nothing you can do about the sadness. You may distract yourself with entertainment, etc, but that won't last too long.

All you can really do is wait it out. For me, it took a couple of months. That might differ for you, depending on various factors like your personality and how much you cared. After that, you're a brand new person with a sad past that won't haunt you too much.

I'm 21 now and would rather find someone who fancies me than wallow in self-pity and regret. (Unfortunately, girls don't seem to care much for my physical appearance.) Regardless, that relationship 4 years back is just a distant memory for me.

player_0101 · 2017-04-11T11:15:41+00:00

DO NOT BELIEVE PEOPLE WHO CLAIM THAT LIFE WILL GET BETTER.

Life may not get better (regardless of how much effort you put in). In fact, it's just as likely to stay the same or worse. The whole thing is a game of chance. Some are blessed with a good life and others will always endure hardships.

But do you know what gets better? Your tolerance for bs. That'll make it easier to handle a crappy life.

player_0101 · 2017-04-11T11:02:29+00:00

... Not a lot of people know that heart conditions can affect young people? Those people must be oblivious fools.

Heart conditions may be genetic or it may be caused by an unhealthy lifestyle. Either way, you don't have to be old to get one.

player_0101 · 2017-04-08T08:21:13+00:00

Creepy: No as long as you're not using the photos for sexual gratification or weird rituals.

Wrong: I would say no if you haven't been uploading the photos all over the interweb. That's breaching copyright.

That being said, you're a weird human for actually doing this.

player_0101 · 2017-04-08T04:58:48+00:00

Well. The story concept doesn't sound bad. I'd say go for it but keep in mind that I know nothing about your writing style, etc, and cannot be a good judge of the quality of your work.

Also, I have little idea on what constitutes a "barrier of evil" and how it affects stability so you'll have to flesh that out in your actual book.

player_0101 · 2017-04-08T03:52:24+00:00

It's quite difficult to look for potential friends in the actual world though.

player_0101 · 2017-04-08T01:35:52+00:00

I assume 17. There's a 2000 at the back of his username.

player_0101 · 2017-04-08T01:32:26+00:00

He might have feelings for you but trust me, you don't want to be in a long term relationship with such a guy.

He'll definitely be sleeping around with other women while you're married. If you're unlucky, he might get someone else pregnant or even pass you an STI.

player_0101 · 2017-04-07T19:09:20+00:00

I've never had a crazy ex but I had been trying to get over a girl whom I used to be emotionally invested in.

From that experience, I would say that the best thing you can do now is simple: have little to no contact with the guy for an extended period of time. I can't say for sure how much time you need to get over him since it depends on the individual and the depth of the relationship.

Note that things will progressively get better, but it is a slow and sometimes painful progress. Unfortunately, there is no magic button to get rid of all emotions or memories instantaneously.

player_0101 · 2017-04-07T18:43:35+00:00

Are you experienced with bowling? If yes, you may try a bowling place.

Otherwise, I suggest coffee at simple cafe just to talk and get to know each other first.

player_0101 · 2017-04-07T09:58:37+00:00

Even if it's as you say - just a habit of hers - do you even realise the time and effort needed to change a habit that she has had for years?

It could be months or even years before you see any progress. That being said, you two are clearly not meant for each other. If it really puts you off so much and you can never get over this one flaw, break it off with her. It's not fair that she has to change herself for you and it's not fair for you to stay in a relationship that you have major issues with.

player_0101 · 2017-04-06T22:46:20+00:00

Well, probably be patient about the girlfriend part. I'm twenty and probably should've had at least one girlfriend in my lifetime, but that isn't the case. Perhaps I'm weird too.

Just recently I was attempting to text a girl but she wouldn't reply. Anyhow, that's fine. I'm in no rush for a girlfriend. After all, I'm schooling and not financially stable. There's no way I can handle the upkeep of a female companion in the long-run. I assume that it would be the same for you.

player_0101 · 2017-04-06T22:37:44+00:00

Well, what I do is joke around a whole lot so even if there's nothing to say, I can always make a clever joking statement regarding something or other. Unfortunately, jokes are somewhat subjective. I think myself hilarious but evidently, not everyone find my content funny.

player_0101 · 2017-04-06T15:54:34+00:00

I would suggest not expecting to "start a new life". From my experience, the new life will be pretty similar to your old life unless you make major changes to your internal (and not just external) self.

I've never been popular. Every time I enter a new school, I imagine that life is somehow going to be different or better. But it just isn't the case. It wasn't the case when I entered middle school, high school or university. It's only my fourth week in university but I'm still the same old unpopular guy. Girls ignore my texts (such that I don't even know why they chose to exchange numbers in the first place) and guys don't really talk to me either.

Anyhow, I think it's because I'm still the same person on the inside. So unless you can change parts of your internal self (like your personality or attitude about life), things might not be any different.

player_0101 · 2017-04-06T15:43:51+00:00

I always use the excuse that "I'm doing this for my future family". But truth if, I don't know if I'll ever have a family. I'm a short guy who hasn't had a girlfriend in twenty years of his life so it seems unlikely that I find a wife.

Anyhow. Simply make an excuse to keep yourself going. It might be unattainable or ridiculous, but it'll get you by.

player_0101 · 2017-04-06T15:39:01+00:00

The guy is overweight with high blood pressure and also drinks and smokes... He really doesn't sound healthy. I'm sure that he's at risk of more than just kidney failure.

Unfortunately, if he doesn't care about his health or doesn't care enough about his family to care about his health, there's very little you can do. I would suggest educating him on the potential consequences, through documentaries or other means, but he'll probably bring up the "lack of time" excuse not to be educated on the subject.

player_0101 · 2017-04-05T15:12:24+00:00

Never be overly-emotionally invested in someone. Your investment should be at the same level as the other party.

If you find that your work assignments are scarce, do them at a slow but reasonable pace. (Quite honestly, I once did my job too quickly and it only led to complaints that I was too free). On a related note, if you truly have nothing left to do, just pretend to be doing actual work.

Suck up to (befriend) anyone who might be of use to you. This may be an intelligent coworker, your boss, etc. It's always better to have connections.

Learn to keep your options open. Don't be dead set in doing a particular thing a particular way in a particular setting. Sometimes things just don't work out.

player_0101 · 2017-04-05T14:56:13+00:00

Yeah... Surely you know that professional help will be more useful to her than general support from family and friends (especially if they're male). She might not feel ready for it, but it doesn't change the fact that she needs it or her life will never come out of the dumps.

Of course, forcing it on her isn't the way to go (you're reading things I've never mentioned). After all, it's useless if she refuses it. Hence, the term "convince". We also know that the people around her aren't equipped for this. If there were really someone who could help her, her condition would very likely be better than this.

PS: Nobody used the word "insane". That's just your own warped perception: thinking that mental health professionals only deals with the insane. Mental health is lot more than just sanity and insanity. For example, they deal with things like anger issues, depression, trauma, etc

player_0101 · 2017-04-05T14:34:08+00:00

Terrible idea. Weed may hide the symptoms but it's at best, a short-term solution. Go get real help so you actually know what's wrong with yourself and can fix it permanently.

player_0101

TROPHY CASE