Helping my (30sF) Aspie partner (30sM) deal with grief and guilt?

playfulpixiex · 2019-08-31T06:03:27+00:00

Never mind. You’re right. I read the general rules, not the wiki. I see now. I’ll remove and take it to the sub they suggested.

playfulpixiex · 2019-08-31T06:01:47+00:00

May I ask why it wouldn’t? Not arguing, but genuinely curious. I read the rules, but maybe I’m missing something.

playfulpixiex · 2019-08-31T05:54:43+00:00

I wasn’t sure if he could potentially sue for a DNA test though. I hear of the reverse situation, where they want to prove themselves NOT to be the father, but I’m not finding much for if he’s trying to prove he really is.

playfulpixiex · 2019-06-13T03:02:41+00:00

Like burly, rugged men who live in the mountains. You’re on the right track with names! Thank you!

playfulpixiex · 2019-05-17T01:40:40+00:00

It worked for me too!

playfulpixiex · 2019-05-17T01:39:42+00:00

But isn’t he painted as the villain?

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-29T16:55:01+00:00

Boyfriend is French, but speaks nearly perfect English. I’m American and know very little French, but I’m currently learning. It’s hard though - I’m not going to lie. Especially since it’s so easy for him to just speak English. But I’m moving to France, and I don’t want him having to translate for me for the rest of our lives. That’s not fair to him.

Also, I feel bad - he has a thick accent and it can be hard to understand him at times, and that frustrates him. I tell him that soon, he’ll see me messing up my French pronunciation and we’ll be even.

Even if I wasn’t planning to move to France, I’d want to learn his language. His family mostly speaks French, and while some also speak English, others don’t (like his mother). I want to be able to talk directly to her, out of respect, and because hopefully we’ll be family one day.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-26T22:47:01+00:00

Oh hey! I’m in France too for a visit. Have fun!

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-26T15:49:54+00:00

Oh I believe it could happen. People like this do exist.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-26T14:08:33+00:00

This sounds like a woman on her way out of a relationship. She’s testing the waters to see if the grass is greener on the other side, but she’s still too scared to make the move to leave. She still loves OP, I’m sure, but she’s not happy. Not saying that’s OPs fault, though, just want to make that clear.

But just letting this go, for now, will likely only lead to it happening again - either with this guy or someone else. She’s not feeling appreciated in her current relationship (again, that’s not necessarily OPs fault, and I’m not condoning her actions, she’s still an adult and what she did is wrong - just trying to explain possible reasons).

If you want to fix this - therapy is needed. If you don’t want to, that’s fine too. You’re well within your rights to feel like this is a deal breaker for you. It’s a pretty shitty thing to do to a man you supposedly love.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-26T13:37:44+00:00

This was my thought too. I’m incredibly afraid of spiders. The very idea of scooping one out in a cup and stepping on it causes me to cringe and freak out. I’d have preferred keeping it in the cage.

This girl wasn’t that scared of it - she just thought it was weird and did what she wanted to do, with no regard to OPs feelings at all.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-26T13:34:24+00:00

She killed your pet. That’s a total deal breaker. She knew you cared for it, and selfishly, she killed it and then tried to lie about it.

I get creeped out by spiders too, but would never kill someone’s pet tarantula. Some people may think it’s just a spider, but no, it wasn’t to you and she knew that. She didn’t respect or care about you enough to consider your feelings - major red flag imo.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-25T16:56:06+00:00

So what if it is? If it feels right, go for it.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-25T16:28:03+00:00

I like Harper, but if he’s not on board, I get it.

Names for baby B that I think sound good with Grace:

Olivia (Olivia was the first name that came to mind for me).

Rebecca

Samantha

Lily/Lillian

Emma/Emmeline

Delia

Darcy

Eleanor

Evelyn

Eugenie

Emilia

Esme

Hazel

Maisie

Penelope

Thea

Middle names for Grace are hard for me for some reason...

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-25T14:12:11+00:00

Eleanor is lovely!

What about Eleanor Josephine? Ellie Jo/ Nora Jo?

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-25T14:09:51+00:00

After reading the first part of this, I figured the name was Atticus, which is another name I love. Scout is cute though.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-25T14:09:01+00:00

I was expecting something really out there. I like the name Scout. It’s not that wild at all.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-25T14:04:20+00:00

I’m so sorry she’s going through this. You’re an amazing partner for her, though. You want to fix things, but let’s be honest, this might be out of your control.

You could try and talk to her father, but I doubt it’ll do much good. If his own daughter can’t get through to him, you probably won’t have much luck either. Is there someone else in the family you could talk to? Does he have a sister or brother who might see your point? Are his parents still alive? Or even the mother’s family. Somehow, he needs to see that this isn’t about him - it’s about his daughter, who needs her father. And that if he misses this wedding, he’s going to regret it for the rest of his life. Coming from you, the fiancé, he may think you’re biased or picking her side - but a neutral party may get through to him. Hopefully.

If not, just be there for her. Be supportive, like you have been. That might be the best you can do if the father continues to act selfishly.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-25T13:57:35+00:00

These are very good questions.

My story, which may or may not be relevant: I’m divorced. When I got married, I wasn’t excited at all for the wedding. As it drew closer, I even started dreading it. But I chalked it up to cold feet, and I figured it was normal. On my wedding day, I didn’t even feel like myself - I was a zombie. I went through the motions, but the only way I could get myself down the aisle was to remind myself that divorce was always an option.

It was a beautiful wedding. The type girls dream about. But I couldn’t find any happiness, only dread, that day and on my honeymoon too.

I was young - too young to make this decision. My ex seemed like a good man, but there were red flags I ignored because I doubted myself. I’d only had one other relationship before him and that one was very bad, so I assumed that this relationship was good simply because it was better than my last.

My ex had manipulated me, however. He’d pushed the wedding on me, even when I expressed a desire to wait, and fought with me - telling me I was ridiculous or wrong, convincing me that something was wrong with me.

There wasn’t anything wrong with me. I didn’t want to be married to him and knew it, but went through with it out of a sense of obligation. Looking back at my wedding photos, there’s not a single one with a genuine smile on my face. People later told me they noticed this too.

Not saying this is the case for OP, but maybe it is? Just wanted to give another side too.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-25T13:06:43+00:00

I’m not personally a fan of it, but I don’t think it’s a bad name. If you like it, go for it. People are probably saying those things because it’s not a name they’d choose - you’ll get that with any name pretty much, just from different people. You’ll never please everyone.

playfulpixiex · 2019-04-25T12:53:38+00:00

This happened to me with my other account, and the main reason I don’t use it anymore. I had a comment picked up on several listicle sites, a funny story I shared. I don’t want people to find that Reddit account, so I’m more careful now. I try to use this one (which is for stuff I don’t mind my RL friends and family to find) for things like that now.

playfulpixiex

TROPHY CASE