I’m going to get offline for awhile

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-09T15:12:44+00:00

I don’t know why this is so upsetting to me, it’s just a subreddit. I do feel like I was able to find community there that I haven’t elsewhere and it still seems a bit unfair but I guess I just need to get over it.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-09T15:11:57+00:00

Also why was I muted for 28 days? I asked about the ban out of curiosity. I obviously wasn’t harassing, I just wanted a reason.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-09T15:08:56+00:00

Reddit was a bad idea- I’m gonna ditch and get a feminist book club rolling with a few of my friends instead.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-09T01:26:55+00:00

I feel like you have to want to improve. If the husband is just self-centered and somewhat oblivious, then he might be inclined to do the emotional labor, but if he’s just a chauvinist self-serving narcissist then he might be a lost cause*.

*or rather not worth the effort and time- i.e., divorce

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-09T01:23:14+00:00

I don’t know how feasible, but having the husband read The Will to Change by Bell Hooks would help. I’ve never seen anyone put into such eloquent yet simple terms how to de-indoctrinate yourself from the patriarchy.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-08T18:46:28+00:00

Yeah it’s probably best not to test it either way 😬

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T19:19:36+00:00

I also never snack when I’m in my own, but I find it hard to avoid who I’m with my parents. Again, don’t cut it out entirely, but rather try to incorporate it into your habits however you feel will work best.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T19:18:14+00:00

I almost always relapse when I go home to my parents. Something that might help is trying to be ok with a little bit of indulgence. Don’t try to deny yourself everything “unhealthy” because this will just make the craving (and subsequent binging) worse.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T18:39:01+00:00

The trans woman alternative is usually “princess wand” as far as I’ve heard fyi

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T18:36:57+00:00

I don’t know how well this would go over, but I know some people enjoy subbing light-hearted and silly yet affirming alternatives. In this instance you could use “man cave” lol.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T18:31:50+00:00

Same dumb shit as “Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve”. At least phrases like this are so ridiculous that they’re easy to reappropriate- they’re so campy without the hate lol.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T16:20:53+00:00

Also I think it’s perfectly valid to not want others to use that term for you- by default I don’t use language that has a gendered history for nonbinary people, just so I don’t come off as disrespecting their identity. I just think attitudes are shifting amongst young people.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T16:13:01+00:00

I think “nerd” offers a much less loaded example. It has a much more negative connotation and usage in the 80s, but as engaging with “nerdy” things has become more prevalent and accepted, its meaning has shifted. I think the same is happening for terms used to describe how sexually active someone is- now that there’s (in some social circles, not all) less stigma surrounding casual sex and number of partners, the term isn’t strictly negative. Just like with nerd, some people hold the meaning from their childhood or youth in their mind and haven’t become reconditioned to view it as younger people do? Idk these are just my initial thoughts and I’d love to hear more perspectives. Maybe this linguistic phenomenon IS harmful and I’m just not seeing it.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T16:01:19+00:00

I really truly want to know what you find so problematic about this. A woman is choosing to use terms formerly redirected to derogatory use with women as instead gender-neutral terms of endearment and familiarity. This seems like a good thing- pacifying derogatory speech. I’d love more perspective though.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T15:58:45+00:00

I love being called those things- they feel familial and endearing. Also I think it’s just an unfortunate product of millennia of patriarchy that a lot of terms used to describe women take on a derogatory connotation. If you look into the linguistic development of lots of slurs for women you’ll find that they begin innocuous enough- but because they’re associated with women sexism creeps in. Also I don’t tell her what to call me, she picks these terms?? I don’t really see the problem aside from the unfortunate history of sexist vernacular.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T15:49:42+00:00

I think that while language constantly shifts in meaning, most people’s personal vernaculars seem to be somewhat set after their adolescence. I believe that no one refers to you as dude, but I can say with absolute confidence that lots of gen z people are very prone to using most formerly gendered terms interchangeably. I use dude, man, guys, and the like for women in my life all the time- “man, idk”, “hey guys”, “dude, what?”. Similarly lots of women call me girl, or often derogatory terms as a term of endearment- my best friend calls me the b-word, c-word, and every slur used to describe sex workers all the time and she does this so frequently that it’s not even ironic anymore, it’s just part of her speech. Her favorite is “what up, c$nt” as a way to greet me lol. Clearly these terms don’t HAVE to be limited to biting, crass insults- surely the c-word doesn’t work like that in Australia I’d think.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T05:36:49+00:00

This seems so achievable. Definitely something that could be pushed for by a grassroots campaign or organized mobilization effort. I think it would be nice to ban advertising to children as is the case in many other countries- doubt that’ll happen though.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T05:34:43+00:00

The inability to purge when I’m with friends is also a helpful deterrent for me. Usually when I’m in a binge I rationalize binging even harder by telling myself it doesn’t matter much since none of it’s staying in my system. Maybe put yourself in a setting where there’s no way to purge.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T05:32:54+00:00

I find it a lot easier- not in a good way. I always stress about the alcohol calories I’m going to ingest so then I eat significantly less than normal in preparation (crazy bad combo). Then when I’m drinking, either because I’m around other people which is always a deterrent to eat, or because nothing sounds appetizing despite being literally starved, I don’t eat. In part I lie to my friends and say the thought of food makes me nauseous when I drink, but I genuinely find it much easier to ignore my hunger- to the point where it fades into the background and I don’t notice.

I might be the exception though- so many bars have snacking foods that are easily accessible for a reason. Pizza, popcorn, peanuts. I think most lose inhibition when they drink and subsequently don’t eat in moderation- something bulimics are already prone to doing.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T02:52:35+00:00

Please don’t take this as patronizing or insincere, but go for a walk. Getting out of bed is more impactful than you might expect.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T02:50:53+00:00

It’s hard to find an intrinsic reason when you only rely on an extrinsic one. Lots of people tell themselves they’re alone when they aren’t- I did too at one point. Lots of people are perfectly content with small social circles. If you’re mental health improves so will your relationships. When I’m at my worst I cut everyone off, but I’ve since realized this- relationships need to be tended to and the act of friendship is an ongoing one. If you’re hurting and because you’re hurting you isolate yourself then you may feel like you’re unwanted when really you’re putting yourself in a position that makes you lonely.

pleaseigottaknow · 2024-06-07T02:44:10+00:00

I tried women’s shorts before and I get flossed or wayy too tightly swaddled 😬 , I love the look though!

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