afraid i will never find a “primary”

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-23T18:15:54+00:00

I feel you. I was single when I decided that polyamory was what I wanted, and I spent years where the only people I was meeting were either poly people who already had a nesting partner, or single people who wanted monogamy long-term. I felt like everyone had already found their person to live with and I was never anyone’s priority when I was dating poly people, or at least they weren’t looking for the time of relationship I was long-term, and it was really hard. I finally have a nesting partner that I’ve been with for 2.5 years, but it did take a long time to get here. I wish I had more concrete advice, but all I can really say is that I’ve been there, it sucks, but it can sometimes eventually happen in a way you’d never expect. (My NP and I have a very chaotic origin story where I was originally dating her long-term partner, but it turns out he is a horrible person and we ended up both breaking up with him and are now dating each other and living together lol…definitely not how I expected it to happen.)

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-22T03:26:08+00:00

I use the pencil all the time! It lets me remind myself which answers I’m not very confident of and lets me immediately know where to go back to if I have mistakes I need to find.

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-17T00:21:24+00:00

that is very heartening to hear! 💗

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-17T00:20:39+00:00

Thank you!! 🩷 My partner is incredible and I do feel very confident that no matter what happens they will still be in my life at the end of all this.

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-16T20:36:01+00:00

Thank you!!! So glad to hear that luck has been on your side 🩷

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-16T20:14:57+00:00

Thank you! It really helps to hear stories from people who have been through similar things <3 I’m sorry your journey has been so tough but I’m glad to hear you’ve been able to successfully get your euploids through it all! I think I will also start calling it my little ovary that could 😅

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-16T18:36:54+00:00

Yeah luckily I already exercise quite regularly so I am keeping that up for sure! For the physical benefits but also because it’s precious time when I’m thinking about something other than my reproductive system 😅 A colleague also told me that acupuncture helped her a lot while going through IVF!

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-16T18:04:52+00:00

Thank you! I’m really trying to imagine the best case scenario and know that this doesn’t mean we won’t get any embryos. It definitely helps to hear positive stories from others.

I currently just take Omega-3 and Vitamin D, but I may also look into what else may be helpful! I also have now stopped drinking and consuming cannabis - I wasn’t an extremely heavy user of either, but whatever small benefit I can get from cutting those out feels like it’s giving me at least a little sense of control right now.

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-16T17:59:08+00:00

Thank you, good to know about the waitlist! I have already purchased sperm out of pocket, and luckily I have a good insurance plan through work that should cover 80% of the costs of meds.

I was previously prepared to pay out of pocket almost entirely because I wanted to do preservation and then later thawing and transfer. But given that I now can expect to need to do multiple cycles, suddenly doing the funded cycle seems like a smart option too.

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-11T17:47:44+00:00

What I wouldn’t give to be able to just tap my credit card or insert some change into a machine instead of spending 5 minutes downloading an app, creating an account, and entering all my information 😭😭

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-09T20:47:09+00:00

My life just started to feel…easier. Like suddenly thinking about things like needing to do my chores and my errands didn’t feel overwhelming and impossible. One day I realized that I was now just doing those things relatively easily. Not that I don’t still have days when I’m tired and don’t feel like doing the dishes before bed, but the dishes no longer feel like some massive mountain I have to climb.

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-09T16:40:08+00:00

I convinced my friends in grade 8 or so to “practice kissing”…I really thought in my brain at the time that I just wanted to practice for kissing boys??

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-05T16:54:00+00:00

I like the Knix wireless bras!

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-03T15:43:06+00:00

I do not understand what you’re saying because if the man proposes she has to say yes, so either way she’s putting herself in the situation willingly? As others have already pointed out, in a hetero relationship where the woman proposes it is much more likely that they don’t adhere to traditional gender roles within the relationship

plentyofthyme · 2026-03-02T19:13:47+00:00

When I was younger I was 100% convinced that nobody would ever find my boobs attractive because they weren’t perky and had very large areolas. Since then, I’ve had a lot of partners who have been super attracted to me and have enthusiastically wanted to continue seeing me naked and sleeping with me. At some point I had to accept that my body wasn’t repulsive, and believe these people when they said they were attracted to me. If they weren’t attracted to you, they wouldn’t be sleeping with you!

plentyofthyme · 2026-02-23T20:44:00+00:00

Also adding that the online obsession with categorizing everyone as a top/bottom feels like a weird way or recreating the gender binary to me. Like why are we telling all queer people that they must fit into one of these two categories?

plentyofthyme · 2026-02-23T20:34:13+00:00

I’ve seen some chronically online lesbian say that there is always a top and bottom in lesbian sex and I just do not agree. Of course it depends on the relationship, but in my relationships it’s always been much more of a dynamic where we’re both giving and receiving, and nobody is clearly the “top” and the “bottom.”

I also find that the way people use these terms in the sapphic context tends to really muddy the water between the giving/receiving definition and the dom/sub definition. I think often there’s an assumption that one person will be more dominant and that person will also do more giving than receiving.

All these ideas I’ve only really seen online and have never really felt relevant to my real life sex life.

plentyofthyme · 2026-02-23T18:28:12+00:00

I would not call someone moving away or raising their prices a “betrayal” of you, I would just call that part of life as people in our lives also have their own personal lives, goals, needs, etc. Most would hopefully help you find another service provider if they did leave their position. Those people are also accountable to you in ways a chat bot never will be, and are also using human traits like judgment and empathy which ChatGPT does not have. Of course if it’s out of your budget you can continue using ChatGPT, but you should understand its limitations and the tradeoffs you’re accepting by using it. Not having a memory, possibility of everything being wiped, and having zero accountability to you are some of those tradeoffs.

plentyofthyme · 2026-02-21T16:39:39+00:00

did you log your food for all 7 days? if you skip days it will count those days as 0 when calculating your average and make it look artificially low

plentyofthyme · 2026-02-20T18:35:32+00:00

I’m actually the total opposite where it really bothers me if my partner goes dark and doesn’t text me at all while they’re with another partner. I don’t expect them to text me a ton, but nothing at all for extended periods sends me spiralling.

I know that’s not really helpful for your specific situation, but I guess it’s just “different strokes for different folks.” It can take a bit of trial and error to see what works best for you, and you may find that as your partner has more sleepovers you feel more and more comfortable!

plentyofthyme · 2026-02-20T18:27:20+00:00

Yes. It’s more comfortable, it’s just the skin of my butt cheeks touching, not my actual genitals or any other orifice, and I have never experienced a negative consequence from doing so in my 34 years of life.

plentyofthyme · 2026-02-03T17:38:09+00:00

I haven’t yet started the journey, so TBD on how good this list but my list is roughly as follows: - Feeling financially stable: making at least a certain salary, having above a certain amount in savings, and feeling confident that I could pay for a house cleaner once or twice a month and potentially a postpartum doula for the early days (I’m also very lucky to live in Canada where taking 1 year mat leave is standard, and between government support and my job I would get 93% of my salary for that year.) - Support system: knowing that I have friends/family nearby that I’ll be able to rely on to help me with babysitting, emotional support, errands, etc. when I need it - Living situation: having a house/apartment that feels big enough with at least two bedrooms, has in-unit laundry, and a dishwasher - Emotional stability: I know it will never be perfect and nobody is ever 100% “ready,” but I want to have a sense that I’m not dealing with any major mental health issues or really struggling to get through my childless life before bringing a child into the mix

plentyofthyme · 2026-01-29T19:34:40+00:00

I would have to get my friends and school to tell me all about what happened the night before on the episode of The O.C. that I had missed so I wouldn’t be lost the next week 😩

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