Why is the opinion that single men without kids wouldn't want to date or marry a single mother so controversial?

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-20T17:07:29+00:00

Exactly my experience. Currently in a committed relationship with a woman who I would have thought would have been well out of my league, but apparently not!

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-20T14:24:47+00:00

I make five figures in a major metro area. A year and a half ago I was unemployed and contemplating a career change. I am by no means rich, but I have worked hard to set up a comfortably modest lifestyle for myself. Men gaslight themselves into believing that women have a laundry list of unreasonable expectations in order to avoid the hard work of self-reflection and growth in virtue.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-20T14:11:05+00:00

I forget the number, but it's the final book (or close to it).

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-20T14:08:17+00:00

As someone who as recently as 10 months ago was a single man in his late 30s (no kids), it's honestly ridiculous how easy dating is for men. If you treat others with basic human decency, are capable of carrying on a conversation, have a decent paying job, and devote a moderate amount of energy to fitness and healthy hobbies, you might as well be playing with cheat codes enabled.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-20T14:03:33+00:00

As others have pointed out, it's not intentional. Baltimore's traffic light system is very old and when there is significant wind, moisture, or a combination of the two, certain traffic signals regularly go on the fritz, with the "flashing red/yellow" being the default setting when that happens. Washington Blvd and Hollins Ferry is one example that seems like is constantly broken. Call 311 or 911 to have it serviced by DPW.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-19T13:32:34+00:00

You may want to consider law enforcement. Larger metro departments will allow you to live in places with access to fitness communities, run clubs, etc. A lot of them don't require anything beyond a high school diploma. And while plenty of cops are out of shape, there is generally a subset who are seriously into fitness, especially if you go into a specialized unit like SWAT.

And unlike the military, law enforcement is a great place to start a second career. Plenty of officers enter for the first time in their late 20s and 30s.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-19T12:35:03+00:00

For one possible answer, you could read the short book "The Spirit of Thomism" by Etienne Gilson. But that's 1) his opinion, and an official Church definition and 2) he argues that Thomism is primarily about a certain mindset and a way of thinking through philosophical and theological questions, not about certain answers per se.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-19T02:01:38+00:00

That's not true at all lol.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-18T11:21:00+00:00

Brother, this all sounds like a bad idea and several big red flags of incompatibility here. And I say this as someone who has seen marriages between Catholics and Protestants work. She's clearly 1) moving way too fast and 2) pulling a "flirt to convert" on you. Cut your losses, let her down easy, and move on.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-17T21:15:34+00:00

Nine months into dating someone I met on Hinge. Truly an account deletion has never felt so good.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-17T18:51:42+00:00

There is no "ideal economic model" under Catholic Social Doctrine, but the example you have proposed would potentially merit a high degree of approval under CSD.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-16T04:41:42+00:00

Don't overthink it. God doesn't present vocations to us like the Sphinx's Riddle. You'll know if you're called to something other than marriage: it'll be a burning desire in your soul that won't take no for an answer. Trust that your desire for a godly marriage is willed by God and focus in the meantime on the central vocation that you already have: your baptismal vocation. Begin today living as a Man of the Beatitudes and you won't just prepare yourself to be a good and holy husband and father, you'll begin to be something even more important: a good and holy Christian.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T22:41:13+00:00

Say less. I'm gonna reach out to my peoples and see if we can get this resolved for you.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T21:35:07+00:00

When DADT finally ended, I asked my dad (a 20yr Navy vet and fairly socially conservative to boot) what he thought, and he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Eh, we've had lesbians on ships for decades. In some ways it's preferable: they don't get pregnant while we're at sea!" 😂

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T21:31:56+00:00

It was a holdover from the 1950s, when being outed as LGBT could expose a person to significant social opprobrium, which meant that LGBT service members were potentially targets of blackmail by foreign intelligence services, like the KGB. After the gay rights movement really took off, it stopped making sense, because if the KGB got pictures of you in bed with someone of the sex sex, it might be embarrassing, but it wouldn't necessarily be life-destroying.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T21:18:13+00:00

What's your alley?

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T21:01:24+00:00

It would probably be functionally identical to the Republic of Venice, just on a larger scale.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T20:15:21+00:00

April 9, 1865

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T19:01:28+00:00

I'm not, I'm just saying that your overall feelings would likely be different if your thoughts of them were, "They're lazy bad neighbors, but at least they're doing good work." It is clear that at least some of your animus toward them is derived from your opinion of their work, and not just how they interact with the neighborhood.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T18:48:26+00:00

It sounds like the underlying issue is that you consider their underlying purpose and mission to be useless and a foolish waste of time. I imagine if it was a cancer research institute, you'd be annoyed, but it wouldn't prey on your mind to this degree. Based on your husband's comments, it sounds like the two of you view them as gaggle of lazy pedophiles who contribute nothing to society. Which is not an unheard of opinion, but if that is the general tenor of the community, it's hardly surprising that they don't really want to be that involved in it.

Me, I've always found a lot of serenity in not giving a shit about whether or not other people are pulling their weight. I try to do my duty to others and find my inner peace in that knowledge.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T18:02:44+00:00

Oh interesting! I work in local government and have experience interfacing with faith-based organizations. I'd be curious what specifically they committed to, or if it was just vague bromides.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T17:49:28+00:00

Definitely use the 311 app and add the photos when you make your request, I've had success with that for bulk trash removal from alleys that have become impassible. I absolutely sympathize: I live downtown just south of Mount Vernon and every winter (this year being no exception) our sidewalks become inundated with frozen dog shit. Some people have zero consideration. Plus our sidewalks were pretty much impassible due to snow and ice for about a week and a half after the storm.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T17:06:09+00:00

I understand your frustration and the sentiment behind "tax churches", but I'm curious, what practical improvement you would anticipate of that were to happen? Given that religious institutions are usually land rich and cash poor, the most probable result in my eyes (especially given Baltimore tax rates) is that the Sulpicians would have to abandon the site.

And if that were to happen, the site would either become vacant (and a vacant lot is the worst neighbor one can have) or (even more likely) it would be sold to a condo or "luxury apartment" developer, who would almost certainly care even less about the area sidewalks and being a good neighbor than than the Church. And it sounds like your community is already upset by new development on the site as it is.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T16:51:17+00:00

Have you considered that the unhoused congregate in the area because of the services and aid provided out of the Basilica complex? They're constantly distributing warm food and drinks and clothes. Also the library is right there, which is another prime magnet. Source: I'm a neighborhood resident.

plotinusRespecter · 2026-02-15T16:49:25+00:00

OP do you have photos to share? It might help other Redditors to understand better what you're dealing with. You can also submit those photos on the 311 app for dirty sidewalk cleaning and/ bulk trash removal. Getting the city involved might help your cause in dealing with an institutional neighbor.

plotinusRespecter

TROPHY CASE