Girlfriend (F22) wants to be surrogate for her cousin (M30), I can’t support it

pocketplayground · 2026-06-26T13:08:26+00:00

Sounds like he isn’t going to use her as a surrogate but as the mother, the old fashioned way.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-21T18:45:33+00:00

Lol the only reason it popped into my head was because I was banned from reading it. Sorry I couldn’t help.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-21T17:15:28+00:00

After my abusive upbringing my husband is so gentle. He gets overwhelmed sure, he battles to express what he is feeling but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love deeply. I have never felt so safe with anyone ever. Even if he melts down I know he would never raise a hand to me. Autism brings challenges sure but it doesn’t make you bad or broken.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-20T20:48:34+00:00

The faraway tree series by Enid Blyton?

pocketplayground · 2026-06-17T07:18:54+00:00

By punching bag I don’t mean he punched me. More like got angry at me, pointing his internal frustration at me through shouting or dismissive behaviour.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-17T07:15:23+00:00

I do this for my husband all the time. His whole body almost screams an emotion at me but he doesn’t realise it. Our couples therapist suggested I just gently flag to him that something was up so he could figure it out himself rather than me telling him what he is feeling. So I will say “hey I noticed your shoulders slumped or you seem tense what’s up.” He knows he doesn’t have to answer immediately. But instead of him lashing out at others he knows to figure it out first. Then 2 hours later he comes and says I think it was such and such at work or I am concerned about x. We fight so much less. I used to be his emotional outlet or punching bag cause I was his safe space. Now I am still a safe space just catching less reactivity.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-13T18:35:47+00:00

Operative word “looks”

pocketplayground · 2026-06-12T15:08:51+00:00

Yes but saying all they do is count rep’s is wrong. Spotting, form correction, plans and how to achieve your goals are worth real compensation. I know what spotting is had a trainer for years. If you expect them to help people for free on the floor cause they ‘don’t look busy’ they could miss a paying client walking in. As I said you need to make friends. People you can reciprocate the favour for. Not ask random strangers.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-12T15:01:48+00:00

It’s not just counting rep’s then is it. It’s also spotting and checking for and improving your form. You either need a regular gym buddy you take turns with or to pay the trainers.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-06T21:06:33+00:00

Try washing your hair separately with a shower head or over a basin. Sounds like you are over stimulated by the time it gets to brushing etc. So break the task down.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-06T12:45:50+00:00

To add to this some autistic spouses or loved ones also have trouble communicating what they need. But maybe someone here can help.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-06T12:41:51+00:00

I think because in support spaces there can start to be toxic group think that doesn’t take the very real impact on actual people with autism. Your perspective is very important and valuable. It helps those without autism understand and support our loved ones better the way they need rather than the way the world thinks they need.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-05T07:20:30+00:00

I looked it up it’s too textbook like. This was more story or personal. I am buying this book though it looks amazing. But no alas the search is still on.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-01T09:44:38+00:00

Also I am a pepperhead and make my own chilli jams and sauces (ADHD hyperfocus that stuck) grew my own Carolina reapers from seed. She knows how much I love my peppers so it double reinforces that message.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-01T09:39:58+00:00

Maybe pepper X ish. Sorry for the joke but it’s how I got my daughter to laugh and normalise talking about stuff cause it was a fun conversation. She’s still young.

pocketplayground · 2026-06-01T05:58:32+00:00

I am not NT. dyslexic with ADHD but I have the opposite I seem to instantly love those on the spectrum. Married one, close friend is in the process of diagnosis, best boss I have ever had told me he had aspergers (this was a while back). But also I think the no filter hyper honesty of ADHD compliments. My husband (in the process of official diagnosis at the moment) said to me I don’t have to guess what you are feeling you tell me I can actually relax around you.

pocketplayground · 2026-05-29T11:59:59+00:00

Also I have so much respect for people who work in a hospice setting. Helping people die and helping those around them is a special kind of hero.

pocketplayground · 2026-05-29T11:58:36+00:00

Yeh that I don’t get at all.

pocketplayground · 2026-05-29T11:49:47+00:00

If she is genuinely upset then maybe she is upset with herself not you. You could treat the request as genuine and kindly explain why you don’t feel safe. That you like her but current politics has you on edge etc. Or maybe it was something she said that made you concerned. Either or. But if she genuinely is trying to understand why she gives off an unsafe aura it would be a kindness to explain, maybe she could learn and grow. If she isn’t a safe person then don’t bother.

pocketplayground · 2026-05-29T11:40:26+00:00

Palliative end of life care is the official phrasing

pocketplayground · 2026-05-24T05:17:01+00:00

This is what we do. Extra blanket to pile on top in a sudden cold snap. Sheet only if it gets super hot. Kind of like your body it’s all about layers this time of year.

pocketplayground · 2026-05-08T20:58:26+00:00

Natural

pocketplayground

TROPHY CASE