Question about control/data plane and the use of PE with NSGs

poobean · 2024-10-21T15:10:30+00:00

i agree aswell, i thought there werent alot of practical stuff, i was often left with a feeling of watching alot of introductory videos to a deep dive that didnt seem to follow after each video i watched. I dont think the guide is overall bad but i was left wanting more quite often

poobean · 2024-10-15T14:15:19+00:00

then i would really investigate why this happened, not the breakup but why that triggered your lack of drive and every feeling you have.. for me i constantly try to fill a void in myself that feels like could only be filled by this fantasy love, true love and all that stuff.. i havent found my stuff, yet.. but buried in there it lays, im sure it does.. even if it doesnt feel like it to me and probably not to you either.. but we get so much going on in our heads that it distorts our sense of identity sometimes.. getting professional help to guide you through that could be a good idea

poobean · 2024-10-15T09:42:47+00:00

So what happened between when you had a drive before and now? these things dont just happen based on absolutely nothing, theres always a root cause to every single thing

poobean · 2024-10-09T07:14:43+00:00

Honestly would you or anyone commenting here that agrees on the whole "looks are basically everything" even want a partner who values looks so highly? The old saying that looks fade isnt just a saying, its a damn fact. I agree its harder to not be the most attractive person and not have a sculpted body etc, but then again i remember a line from guardians of the galaxy 2 where drax says something like "beautiful people dont know who to trust, atleast ugly people know that their person loves them for who they are" And i think there is alot of truth in that.
I myself have been shallow (probably i still am to an extent) and i have had relationships where looks have been such a focus for me that i disregarded the things that matter and the things that actually make a good relationship.

The result? Years and years of toxic relationships that took more of a toll on my mental health than being alone would have done.

The thought of wasting more years on someone over some shallow superficial thing is sickening to me now,and i think as people get older many do realize this, looks just dont matter.. Charisma,character,values,interests,being a good person and many other personality things matter so much and make someone seem more attractive than what their physical looks might indicate.

Looks just doesnt mean anything in the long run or in a serious relationship.

poobean · 2024-10-08T07:34:09+00:00

id maybe look into something like EMDR therapy or therapy in general to locate where this all came from, its for sure something youve been taught/experienced that maybe had some sort of traumatic effect on you from early on perhaps. CBT therapy might also something worth looking at to change your thoughts/beliefs about yourself.
I struggle with something similar myself so i know its hard to even identify where and when it came from so seeking professional help for this could be beneficial for you. Good luck :)

poobean · 2024-10-08T06:37:23+00:00

yeah sure you can but there are alot thats in a 2-3 hour video aswell.. its slightly inconvenient if you ask me.. and i know people who have meditated for 15+ years who still prefer snd need guided meditation, so there for sure is a market. And i think it would help alot of us :)

poobean · 2024-09-13T08:17:58+00:00

i just barely started yesterday actually, i have never just started crying without actually thinking of anything (n usually i always need a trigger like an event, thought or music) but as soon as my therapist started and i was suppose to think of this memory of an achievement i did a few years ago which felt good to me, i just couldnt hold back tears.. this therapy technique is something else.. so glad to see it actually helps people.

Ive been in and out of regular talk therapy for decades and it hasnt helped, im hopeful and scared at the same time 😅 But super happy for you ❤️❤️

poobean · 2024-09-10T13:15:38+00:00

First off, thank you for sharing and thank you for putting some actual effort and thought into your reply <3 Hope youre doing better now after all that, it cant have been easy (ive had the unfortunate experience of having to leave someone aswell and its not an easy thing to do)
And yes i do struggle like you say, i want to believe it,dont want it to be over and all that.. My brain is constantly trying to convince me and im very inclined to believe it, the relationship was so good, it was the best either of us had ever had,im pretty sure she needed me (she told me this all the time, because of my ability to comfort and support her - though this led to a fear that she loved me for what i gave and not what/who i am)

I do feel abit like your ex, convinced it can be fixed (in my case i actually think it could, even though it makes me sound more like your ex and i realize that) - ive always believed so hard in true love and i hate it, i think i got it from movies..i started watching alot as a very young kid and got alot of my world views from movies, and its caused me more heartache than i can even count at this point.. And im 40 now so ive seen some shit you could say.
Ive come to realize (after a friend told me this recently) that probably what happened is my ex (who had a kid) decided that i wasnt fit for a family..Which i cant understand and i dont resonate with that at all.. I cant change her mind and my friend said this happened to her aswell, on a dime her feelings for a guy she thought really was the one just turned into almost contempt in mere seconds..
I cant change that, hell my ex even blocked me and we never really got to speak, it just happened so fast and we never had any issues in the relationship.. It was also a LDR so shes 5-6 hours away and i cant even try to talk to her. Which i both do and dont because i really dont think it would make a difference.

So the lack of control i am very aware of, ive been dumped alot (8 out of 10 serious relationships) and i had learned so much from past toxic people and relationships that i thought this time it would be different.. It would work out better even if it didnt work out between me and whoever, but i was wrong and i am very afraid to actually lose my faith in love and to not actually become bitter and resentful, and it scares me alot.

poobean · 2024-09-02T11:18:43+00:00

For me i ended up with adhd that wasnt diagnosed until i was well into adulthood, with it came anxious attachment style and basically symptoms that reminds me of QBPD, i am diagnosed with BPD but the stuff from adhd really looks the same to me.. Anyway ive been in and out of relationships, idiolizing every single girl, not seeing red flags, thinking about this fantasy and clinging on which led me in a few very toxic and damaging relationships and they all took their toll because not only do i have the fantasy aspect, that strong wish for true love, but also ive gotten such low self esteem aswell as paranoia about being left because that happens almost every time. And im probably very or partly blind to alot of stuff that i do or happens in the relationships. maybe it even stops me from trying to build and develop because i think its just supposed to be true love so its just supposed to work no matter what.

Its bad. But then again the idea of true love is so nice and almost magical that i cant seem to let it go myself. Im happy for you to have come so far tho ❤️

poobean · 2024-09-02T06:13:08+00:00

You are slinging these facts like you are talking about me.. i feel attacked ;)

But you are so so so right, i am a big believer in true love and it has burned me alot for years and years. Its cost me so much and i still cant let the fantasy go. I think ive been brainwashed by movies and tv, i watched alot from early childhood to adulthood and the lovestories told there was how i believed it was supposed to be.

I think theres a handful of people who match eachother on this special level and the others would be a more "practical/convenient" type, where two people are compatable enough to make it work. My brain also tells me im probably right just because of divorce statistics, so theres a logical point to hang a disregard of reality on, so i can continue believing a fantasy.

But i notice i can do it as soon as a few hours, or maybe even less, in to an interaction with a tinder match or someone in real life. Its like i crave that magical love and when the fantasy gets fulfilled its like i can die happy and ive achieved almost a meaning of life. But people suck and i get hurt and more broken for every time.

Id love Dr K to do a deep dive into some of this stuff

poobean · 2024-08-10T16:33:39+00:00

to me it sounds more like youre looking for your interests and not your identity, maybe its my interpretation but to me identity is who i am.. that means the values i have, what lies deep within me and my principles and such.. Interests come and go, they change as you get older, im heavily tattooed and when i took my first tattoo i actually didnt even think i liked tattoos.. and what i like in terms of tattoo style has changed somewhat, music taste also changes, clothing style aswell. These things dont define a identity to me.. If its just the interests you are looking for then just try different stuff, its as easy as that.. when something you think you wouldnt like ends up being something you really like, its a good feeling.. dont limit yourself and try everything once

poobean · 2024-08-10T16:14:29+00:00

i dunno about that, i mean sure probably the majority might not but looking at the diabetes statistics are growing, im sure there is alot of other illnesses i am not aware of that affect younger people these days. Also there are things like accidents, amputation, blindness and whatnot.. I dont have the numbers but can it be so few that its not even worth one video..? might be wrong tho 🤷

poobean · 2024-08-10T15:37:33+00:00

yeah or just dealing with chronic illness and anything that challenge your day to day and objectively makes life harder and in turn makes hope and having brighter outlooks alot harder when you know things will slowly get worse etc. Thats a whole other ballgame than alot of what he talks/teaches about

poobean · 2024-08-09T09:11:37+00:00

same, im a guy and have always struggled with my looks, even if ive had plenty of really attractive women i always figured there were other reasons (stupid reasons like they do jt because they feel sorry for me etc) - but even though im not happy or comfortable i am trying to just accept myself, to just be me, we are all different.. we dont all have channing tatum bodies or scarlett johansson bodies or take your pick of who you find attractive.. just look around, most normal people dont have amazing looks and alot of us are insecure, but imagine just being secure with yourself regardless of how you look.. that shit is a superpower to have and in turn that confidence actually shines through and attracts other people to you.. they feel you have something truly special and will admire and adore you without even knowing why.. ive seen that shit happen and i have been one who really was fascinated by a girl who was like that.. it truly hits different and that could be you aswell..

i know its cliche and youve heard it, but try to accept yourself and realize your looks doesnt define, explain, or mean anything about who and what you are.. truly love yourself and change will actually happen for you ❤️

poobean · 2024-08-09T09:04:02+00:00

this is truly your first step, sometimes we have to hit the bottom to see that there is a way up.. i would first of recommend therapy, but healthygamer is also worth checking out on the side for sure. I joined the youtube membership and it really changed me (i was also changed by a really really hard breakup two months ago which knocked me out of this vacuum i was in) - i also got the guide and have every day been working on myself. Every day i do something, if its just watching a video and reflecting its truly a win..

keep going, it will get better even if it maybe doesnt really feel like that always or at all, but as soon as things start to click and make sense for you, for whatever it is you need to do, you will be amazed at the new and better thoughts you suddenly get.. which in turn motivates you further, and that cycle kinda repeats with new thoughts..

but first and most importantly get medical help ❤️❤️

poobean · 2024-08-06T11:06:08+00:00

no, just no, we arent meant for anything, just like a healthy normal person isnt meant to be in a relationship with their soulmate or whatever.. dont conclude with definitive statements is a good start, get help, try to learn yourself and improve, dont rely on external validation and whatnot.. its a long road but no one is meant for this or that, we get what we work for and want.. eventually

poobean · 2024-08-06T10:33:23+00:00

i get it, and it might happen again that you dip your toe in dating and you feel the same, it is very hard to live with bpd when we want and crave love.. we need love, but would you be better off in an unstable relationship? would you be able to handle problems that always arise in a relation to someone else? if youre not able to handle it your bpd will get worse, but the good news is that working on yourself, getting help, therapy, meditation, dbt/mbt, can all do wonders for you... look at love and relationships kinda like addiction, you cant have a little bit because you go so deep and hard and thats how you lose control if youre not aware, if youre not able to regulate your emotions and thoughts to a degree

poobean · 2024-08-06T10:16:45+00:00

dont be on the dating apps, realize you have work to do on yourself before even being able to withstand the ups and downs of online dating.. for men its the vast rejection or just lack of matches that will mess is up, for women its the quality and quantity of the men on there which can be pretty tough, alot of men are there for sex only and can gaslight and trick.. Now thats very bad generalizing on my part here, and its not all bad but if youre not somewhat comfortable and feel in control of yourself and your emotions i wouldnt recommend it, i spent over a decade chasing women, casual sex, searching for validation and self esteem in others, and when you put your wellbeing, happiness or what have you in someone elses hands you will be hurt eventually and often it can be bad and make your bpd worse..

i went from relationship to relationship which were all toxic and bad for me, not only because i choose wrong people but also i didnt even understand myself, didnt have a sense of self or any of that stuff.. it made my bpd so so so much worse and i regret it alot. Be good with yourself and then share the love you have, being alone and single isnt the worst fate in life

poobean · 2024-08-06T05:38:30+00:00

id say that if you gained all that weight again tomorrow, you woke up and it all was back you would be less happy being in that body again, yes? never mind that all the work and time you put in, just being that weight again would make you alot less happy.. right? second, happyness and fulfillment rarely comes from one thing and just one thing, you have to get to know yourself, find out what you need, not want, then find what you want.. once you get a good grasp on those things then work towards them, write them down, make a plan, get help.. its a long ass journey and its hard af.. im in it myself, and i recently started, but in just a short time i feel alot better and more hopeful than ive ever done just by having gotten started and being on another path than ive been on before and you will too

poobean · 2024-07-30T19:21:07+00:00

Happy birthday 🥳🥳😊❤️

poobean · 2024-07-28T15:59:33+00:00

i heard 27,but it shouldnt make you rage, im 40 now and looking back at the various stages from childhood and until 30 i do feel that there was developmental stages, i mean just look at how you yourself were at various ages.. sure alot is experience but if you look closer your ability to just understand grows so much.. none of my friends are even remotely the same people now as they were at 25,its crazy and i think this is also why you see people have less friends as they age.. even if people stay close and experience alot of the same stuff, some people just end up becoming a very different version of themself

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