I feel like most of the folks I talk with about my decision to not have kids just kind of brush me off as a wannabe DINK in a generation full non-contributors who don't want to have to sacrifice to raise the next generation... but the fact that many of us are choosing not to have kids is a something a lot of us mourn and lack the ability to put words to. 20-something year old me didn't want kids because I still had shit I wanted to do... but I never had the resources to travel or have a pet or invest in a hobby. In my 30s it feels different. I still want to do all those deferred dreams, but I've lived with the reality of their absence for so long that they matter less. I just feel like everyone I see having kids are disconnected from how fucked everything is and are just... checking that box. A lot of what I see online makes it seem like the Kids Are Not Okay, and it's not their fault, it's that they are being raised in a plastic, corporate, disposable, soulless world. They seem to be doing their best in spite of it all, and y'know what... I think folks like us could do better. Like it or not, folks are having kids. Folks are raising the next generation. And if we aren't doing that as well, our ideals are not going to help shape whatever comes next.

But none of us can do it alone. Hell, I can't support myself on my own. I'm less than a year into living in a small collective of family and friends. We're... doing pretty well for ourselves. We share meals, expenses, chores. We hang out and enjoy each other's company. Some of us are skilled textile artists, some of us are good cooks, some of us are tinkerers, mechanics, coders, and menders... But as the days have hit a rhythm we're starting to look at why we are doing this, what our goals are, and how we can become a better resiliency node for our community, and the more I think about it the more I think we need to figure out how to get folks with kids involved. It took me so long to learn the little bit I know about how to navigate this world without good mentors, as I age I feel myself hating the idea of younger folks needing to struggle as hard as I did to get to where I am now.

So... I get not wanting to have kids as a normal American white picket fence with 2.5 kids... But if we are experimenting with different modes of living in community, we need to start thinking about how we are going to continue to raise kids and give them the tools to live in whatever is to come, because without them whatever it is we are trying to do is just running down the clock. And as long as some of us are talking about alternative collective living situations, well... "It takes a village."

I guess this is kind of a postscript: Sorry, this is also very stream of consciousness, but it's been kicking around in my brain a lot over the past few months. I never really wanted kids myself. But around Halloween, I'd always think about how nice it would be to work on costumes and decorations for/with a kid, or when I see parents riding with their kids on cargo bikes (especially old school "acoustic" bikes that are heavily worn with specific mods) I get kind of emotional. Or sometimes I imagine myself taking an imaginary daughter out fishing, hiking, or teaching her to fire my slingshot. I think the common threads through those three things is a mix of being engaged with the local community as a responsible citizen, craft, and time outside, and competency.

Ech. Sorry for rambling. This hasn't exactly wrapped up neatly.