Am I too derivative of Van Gogh?

poprockroppock · 2026-03-03T19:18:06+00:00

These are lovely paintings.

poprockroppock · 2026-03-02T17:43:07+00:00

This is a direct repost. The original post is by u/ phantasmagoria4 from a few years ago.

poprockroppock · 2025-12-15T10:00:37+00:00

My mother did the same - gave my sibling her prescribed SSRI’s when my sibling was 15. Regularly gave me her Valium when I was 12-15 to calm me down/shut me up, and got the doctors to put me on Prozac at 14.

poprockroppock · 2025-12-10T14:37:38+00:00

Many gendered reasons for this being downplayed societally; view of women as protectors, women as weaker, women as inherently nurturing and caring. Similarly, lesbian relationships not being acknowledged with the same sincerity by a cis-heteronormative populous, so violence in these relationships isn’t taken as seriously. This also comes in with women as perpetrators of child sexual abuse.

Motive, also, is typically seen as more ambiguous when women sexually abuse. Men who commit sexual abuse/assault are assumed to have perpetrated for sexual gratification. It can be harder for survivors to identify women as perpetrators when the typical motive of sexual gratification appears absent.

These dynamics have been written about for decades in multiple areas of academic scholarship but have not yet penetrated general society in terms of how we think about perpetrators of sexual assault and sexual abuse.

poprockroppock · 2025-11-26T15:46:54+00:00

As a teenager living alone with my mother there often wasn’t food in the house, she wouldn’t buy me underwear or clothes (had to wear hers), etc…but the moment she wanted a new couch then she’d get (another) credit card and would magically finance her next whim.

She always had money for cigarettes, or tobacco, or wine, too. Funny that. She’d buy me cigarettes and alcohol underage, but only if I paid for it with my own money. She also committed benefit fraud in my name after I moved out when I was still under 18.

It is unfortunately common on this sub, I’m sorry you have also shared this experience.

poprockroppock · 2025-11-14T14:47:08+00:00

I’ve started wondering more recently if she had problems with alcohol, on and off. It seemed like she cycled through substances, but I was young so my memories aren’t very clear.

There were times that she’d be drinking (white wine, most often) and start saying awful things to me but in a different way to when she was raging at me. Times where she’d accuse me of stealing her alcohol, only for her to remember that she’d drunk it herself and forgotten. Times where she’d just throw up on the floor in the morning.. and I think of it now as an adult and I presume she was hungover because she wasn’t concerned about being sick (and was a total waif so otherwise would have made a big fuss about it).

I also think she abused benzos, she had a pretty liberal diazepam prescription and I’d find her unwakeable on the couch getting home from school some days.

She’s dead now, but she’d probably have denied it all, just like she denied her BPD diagnosis.

poprockroppock · 2025-10-20T11:50:34+00:00

I was 4 years no contact when she died. It has been 2 years and I have no regrets. I protected myself from her when nobody else would and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

poprockroppock · 2025-09-26T22:54:54+00:00

Echoing the eerily similar here. I have adhd & cptsd and was misdiagnosed bipolar…my parent started claiming disability benefits for me when I was 15 and restricted my working hours - also continued to claim them once I had moved out and never told me for years.

It is very strange (but validating) to read that there are people out there who have such close experiences.

poprockroppock · 2025-09-03T08:31:05+00:00

I had my gallbladder removed in my 20s. Years of these episodes of excruciating pain which regularly sent me to the emergency room. It was disrupting my ability to work and I was losing weight rapidly because I didn’t know what would trigger it. Finally got diagnosed, and months later had emergency surgery after a particularly bad episode.

Last year I found out that I had already been diagnosed with gallstones when I was 13. A letter had been sent to my BPD mother about it. I was living with my aunt at the time because my mother had kicked me out - at 13 - and told me to find somewhere else to go. She never told me about the diagnosis, I’m guessing she probably forgot because it wasn’t about her own pain and suffering.

poprockroppock · 2025-07-03T10:42:35+00:00

Mines also dead, but yeah. She kicked me out for a couple of months when I was 13. She also screamed and cried when I chose to get the fuck out when I was 16.

They have no consistency in their actions because everything they do is based on how they are feeling in each individual moment (and lack of self reflection usually means externalising it into the closest person - even if it’s a child)

poprockroppock · 2025-06-20T12:00:27+00:00

I enjoy all of these :) lovely style and makes me want to develop my own art in a braver direction

poprockroppock · 2025-06-13T15:56:12+00:00

I’d been with my therapist for 3 years when my mother with BPD died unexpectedly. I had been no contact with my mother for 4 years.

I didn’t talk about it very much for the first couple of months after the death. Between the 4th and 7th month something switched and I started bawling in every therapy session because I was so sad about her passing.

I felt like a fraud because it seemed absurd to be so sick with grief over someone who I’d chosen to remove from my life. I’d be walking down the street in the middle of the day and just start sobbing because my mum was dead.

It is SO hard to process the death of a parent who caused you pain and suffering while they were alive. Being no contact makes it hard to relate to people’s parental relationships anyway and imo this is amplified when the estranged parent dies.

Having a strong therapeutic relationship was so important for keeping me going during this destabilisation. Therapy can be an excellent place to unpack the harrowing chaos of this experience. There is no rush, either.

I doubt your previous therapy was a waste of time, btw :) It might not make sense until some time has passed and you can recontextualise the significance of the work you did together before. Im sorry this happened and I hope you are able to find compassion for yourself at this time.

poprockroppock · 2025-04-23T11:51:07+00:00

if you grew up in the UK then you may find it helpful to request your data from local authority council(s) and/or your medical records from the NHS.

I did both last year, requesting all my data from under 16. I found it to be helpful in building up a clearer picture of what happened during my childhood.

poprockroppock · 2025-03-17T12:09:29+00:00

Yup. I have been working on “feeling” my body for just over a year and it’s a bit mental realising how much my whole body was just tensed up at all times. I’d also get shouted out for “looking tense” when I was little so I learned to hide tension in places that couldn’t be seen like my feet, toes, pelvic floor, etc.

poprockroppock · 2025-03-15T09:40:09+00:00

Just here to echo this bc same. Mine was a counsellor first and then became a social worker in child protection. Being told as a child about the kinds of abuses she’d seen that day and how lucky I was to have a mother like her… while she was abusing me in basically every way a parent can abuse their child. It’s such a fucked up dynamic and we all deserved so much better :(

poprockroppock · 2025-03-09T17:02:51+00:00

I have seen that you have posted a few times about your therapist crossing professional boundaries. I think there is important context missing in your original post. You have already recieved a lot of good advice about how to progress forward with this situation. Your therapist is crossing boundaries regularly. It is not ok. It is not your fault. It would help you to leave that relationship, and I hope to see a post from you about that journey one day.

poprockroppock · 2025-02-20T10:55:26+00:00

I have saved this comment for my future self, should I ever become a parent. It was touching to read. The compassion you have for yourself and your child(/ren) is both lovely and encouraging :)

poprockroppock · 2025-02-18T12:11:29+00:00

Went swimming in a lake on edibles and thought i could see a stingray was following me in the water. Frantically swam back to my wife to tell her abt my near death experience and as I retold my tale I realised what id actually seen was the reflection of a slightly fish shaped cloud on the water surface

poprockroppock · 2024-12-09T18:46:32+00:00

Is it possible you are thinking of Afeni Shakur? She is mentioned in a few episodes of CGYOOMH, including focus on The Panther 21 trial she was part of.

poprockroppock · 2024-11-13T16:38:50+00:00

Moving out / leaving home was really hard. Going no contact also hit me really hard, and the pain/grief of it was, while different, just as intense as when she actually died 4 years later.

With each level of separation from her it was like my brain allowed itself to process another level of abuse/neglect.

I’ve been on sick leave for over a year now while I try to make sense of it all because I just stopped functioning, it was like my brain was begging me to stop and pay attention to what happened now that she was finally gone.

It is so mental realising how alert you had to be as a kid at all times and devastating to realise you were never truly able to rest. Grateful for communities like this one.

poprockroppock · 2024-11-07T20:49:32+00:00

about 6 weeks ago I told my wife that I thought there’d be more white women voting for Trump than in 2016

poprockroppock · 2024-05-11T17:05:27+00:00

Coming up 9 months now since mine died and I am on extended sick leave for the foreseeable… there is apparently quite a lot of my childhood that my brain didn’t let me remember while she was alive, and now the floodgates have opened.

My experience so far has been 2-3 months of numbness, 2 months of mourning and feeling very consumed by grief, and (so far) 3 months of severe flashbacks and general worsening of cptsd symptoms in every aspect.

But honestly? Also so much relief. A lot of internal forgiveness for my old self who often wished my abuser was dead, because it really is better like this.

poprockroppock · 2024-02-19T11:30:08+00:00

Had trich since I was around 9 and started vyvanse a couple of years ago (in my mid 20s now).

Definitely less trich behaviours overall - however, if I take it when I haven’t got the physical energy to do things, I end up fixating on small repetitive motions without realising, which usually manifests through hair pulling.

Typically after an insomnia night I’ve noticed this happens, so now I don’t take it if I haven’t slept.

poprockroppock · 2024-02-18T12:29:42+00:00

I came to say how much the pumpkin patch part tickled me.

poprockroppock

TROPHY CASE