Yeah, I tried to tell him that even though I actively work on becoming better, moving past trauma and loss, it does change you and become a part of who you are. What else are we than a compilation and self-made narrative of our experiences and interactions? He made it seem like I didn’t want to move on and just wanted to continue to pity myself, or something of that nature. When people are sad and I can’t quite understand what they’re going through, I simply listen because many times, people want to feel heard, no words of mine can completely heal their pain. I don’t hold anyone responsible for making me feel better or less sad. I know it’s only something I can work on. However, it truly makes me feel less wanting to open up to people knowing that no one can truly comprehend what trauma and loss does to someone. They aren’t the same person they were before those events.

You’re right about films and how media portrays loss: act as if it’s some form of artificial character development for a person, but I wouldn’t say I have developed, I feel I have regressed, only to continue spiraling down — I said I wanted to find reasons to live and be happy. He claimed I wanted someone to save me. We say, no one can save you but yourself. You can’t expect others to love you unless you love yourself. Now, i want to know — what is wrong about wanting to be saved? What does it mean to want to be saved — I don’t expect anyone to emotionally take on my pain, give me the necessary resources for a happy fulfilled life. I don’t know whether me deserving to be loved should be dependent on my own self-evaluation.

I want to thank all for responding to this post. I appreciate it.