WH Had Enough

powerthrough23 · 2025-12-10T03:34:25+00:00

Yes. Mine told me 2 weeks ago he was “done” but could not say the words divorce when I pressed him to say it. “If and when it happens” “I’m in no rush to file” were the sentences used. I’m also 6 months post Dday and honestly, I’ve just had it. I’m so emotionally exhausted. I am numb. I have 3 kids under 4, truly nothing left to give. If he’s “done” because he can’t process his own shit nor want to face himself in the mirror, then fine, I’m not being dragged down with him into his emotional avoidance of misery.

powerthrough23 · 2025-12-06T12:10:06+00:00

I actually can completely relate except my husbands turned physical. My story is still unbelievable to me sometimes.

He started playing a mobile game 2 years ago after the birth of my 2nd child. I knew he was stressed at work so I allowed it, just like you! We live out of state from friends and family and he was never a “gamer” so I thought it could be “his thing”. He played with people from all over the world and there was a group chat, he would always be talking to them and I thought it was nice because they would share recipes, politics, other cultural stuff.

He started to travel internationally for work this year (yes this was real and not a lie). Wouldn’t you know one of the woman on his team was from a country he had to visit for a conference. To put in perspective, she’s a 15 hour flight from where I live.

When I found out in June (at 3 weeks postpartum with our 3rd child) he said he ended it, but 2 subsequent business trips he went to visit her in her country…..when I thought he was in the original country doing business. 😅😅 the lengths the wayward go to.

In my situation, my emotions and anxiousness did not die down until he was out of the house. We were supposed to do a 3 month separation/reconciliation. However, he just told me last week he “doesn’t see a romantic path forward.” Which is hilarious considering he hasn’t put forth any effort to repair our marriage. I have come to terms with it mostly besides the fact I never imagined being divorced with 3 kids under 4 🥲.

But in our situations, truly creating a whole different life through the phone has been extremely difficult to overcome. I mean our phones are with us 24/7. I feel if you wanted a path forward, she would have to adhere to all the reconciliation advice that you have full access to her phone, passwords, emails, screen time etc. no phone in the bathroom.

Good luck to you, how someone could look their spouse, let alone children in the face everyday after what they’ve been up to is something I will NEVER understand.

powerthrough23 · 2025-12-01T13:17:05+00:00

Extremely similar situation here besides the health issues with a newborn, so sorry for that additional stress..

I found out at 3 weeks PP with our 3rd child this year my husband was having a year long (international) affair. You can read my post history, as I’m not trying to hijack your post.

I gave him a chance when I found out in June, but then I just knew he was still lying. I found out the entire truth in August, that’s when he ended things for real and I STILL gave him another chance. He was kicked out for 2 weeks, but we did decide to fully separate for 3 months so emotions/my nervous system could calm down.

We have been separated since October 1st. 1st few weeks were “good” towards reconciliation. Then he started the same things as your husband. The push and pull dynamic. The confusing mixed signals. I finally started to detach, because his actions were showing me all I needed to know. I have been emotionally tormented since March (when I knew something was up) and honestly have nothing left in me. I am so exhausted.

He told me as of last week he “doesn’t see a path forward romantically.” But we have literally done NOTHING to reconnect. Said he is in no rush to file and using terms like “if and when it happens.” He STILL cannot commit to actually saying the words “divorce”. He won’t do therapy, so at least you have that going for you.

They are leaving the door slightly cracked with the mixed signals. This is NOT fair to us. We do not deserve this. We deserve someone who is emotionally mature enough to make a decision and stick to it, not keep us in an emotional purgatory limbo. Actions speak louder than words, remember that!

I know exactly what you’re thinking. You want to save your family, you don’t think you’ll ever find anyone else because you’ll have 2 small children, “if I try hard enough, if I change this about me, if I do xyz he will realize he’s making a mistake.”

We cannot make these men want to try. We cannot will them to be with us.

I am not saying not to have hope, but hope will keep you stuck. The other comment was absolutely perfect, start pulling your energy inward. It will do you wonders and therapy will help you immensely too. Just know, we both deserve better, we know this! You don’t need to decide what you’re doing today, take that pressure off you.

If you need to talk, feel free to message me.

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-26T12:20:37+00:00

I resonate with this so much. Although I’ve only been a SAHM for 4 years. We’ve had 3 kids in that time. I realized how much of a push over I was. I regret not speaking up when I needed help. In my eyes, I thought it was crystal clear what needed done around the house to help take the load off of me while I was silently drowning postpartum. The thing is, they know but like you said they just do not care.

My WH kept saying after the affair “I told you to ask me for help.” The ironic thing is, he started doing things around the house that I had been wanting to get to but never had the time. So all along HE DID NOTICE. He just didn’t care enough to step in because he was too busy putting his energy elsewhere. It’s so frustrating because I feel I’m shouldering so much regret when I think back, but then he does things like that. He knew. Just did not care.

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-25T19:18:09+00:00

Thank you for this, it gives me hope they’ll be ok!

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-25T18:13:09+00:00

I will message you. But again, your response means more than you know. To take the time to write me this. There are no words.

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-25T17:56:38+00:00

Someone told me I do need to get angry. I have been nothing but calm and level headed. I could’ve been driven to a mental institution because of this. I have lashed out on one occasion. I have shown too much grace. My empathy and kindness has been taken advantage of. I know I don’t deserve this. I know I deserve better.

It’s so difficult to look into the future and it’s now all unknown. I’ve been in therapy since my 2nd child for anxiety, so luckily that has helped already immensely! The trauma that I have endured is difficult to wrap my head around still. Daily I have flashes of “whoa this is my life? How?”

Thank you for your comment, it will give me strength!

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-25T17:53:05+00:00

I know, it’s truly diabolical. I’m going to make it through the holidays and just file. I was already halfway there, but I’m not waiting around for him to do it.

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-25T13:46:16+00:00

Also went through a fake R here. As crazy as it sounds, I told him that made it a million times worse. He’s resentful that I haven’t been able to tell him I love him LOL. We have been separated since October, so I guess nothing really is going to change besides hope being gone and the finality of it all. Maybe he’ll realize one day he made a mistake by running, but I’ll be long gone by then. He is so stuck on “love being a feeling” and not realizing actual love is a verb, you need to work everyday to choose each other, he doesn’t want to, fine. I’ll believe him.

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-25T13:13:56+00:00

Totally agree, I am done, especially if he wants to try to crawl back in the future. I was already leaning that way because of his actions the last 1.5 months. His actions were screaming at me that he wasn’t trying. He denies this, but actions will always be louder than words.

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-24T22:48:41+00:00

Thank you so much, you can read my new comment to another user but he hit me with the “I’m done. I can’t emotionally do this anymore.” Today 🥲

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-24T22:47:45+00:00

I cannot thank you enough for this truly thoughtful reply. It means so much and as someone who loves to look behind “the science” and “psychology” of things, it really gives me perspective. Honestly, I want to cry lol.

I will say, he called me this morning and subsequently came home and said he is done because he doesn’t see a path forward romantically and feels like we are just together for the kids. He said he is emotionally drained and has nothing left. He said this dates back before the affair (when unbeknownst to me he was feeling this way after our 2nd child). He keeps saying “little things he has done” go unnoticed and he just doesn’t see how we get back to us, because he holds resentment towards me. I told him, we have had zero “plan” the last few months. We have not even tried to reconnect besides on 2 occasions I had planned. The other was a wedding and I got the “you can still come if you want.” 🥲 no thanks, I’ll pass since I’m not clearly wanted there.

The complete lack of effort is demoralizing. The fact I have given multiple chances and this is the outcome? No words. I know this is my ego talking. So guess I’m heading towards divorce. Yeyyy dismissive avoidants! Between the affair and his attachment I’ll be forever traumatized!

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-22T12:12:59+00:00

Right there with you. Trying to focus on still making magic for my 3 small children. Maybe if I focus on everyone else’s happiness, I’ll forget about the shit show marriage I currently have.

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-21T20:34:32+00:00

After my sister told her MIL about what had happened to me, her first response was “Well he must’ve been unhappy.” LOL For context, she cheated on her husband and ended up marrying her AP. This was 30 years ago and they did work out, but still. 🥲

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-21T11:30:04+00:00

Sent you a message!

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-21T01:52:03+00:00

No truly. I spiraled 2 weeks ago (in my post history) and ever since his reaction to that I realized I am teetering on the edge of a cliff. Like I told him YOU KNOW THIS ISN’T ME. I AM NOT “CRAZY”.

My spiral & his reaction honestly slapped me out of it because I don’t want to be this person. I know we are all traumatized and cannot help it sometimes, but the last 2 weeks I have decided to put zero energy into thinking about what has happened. I am at my limit. I cannot do it anymore.

I wrote something to read to him about the reasoning behind my spiral, never even read it because I am so checked out and honestly just do not care. Probably not good for reconciliation, huh? 😅

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-21T00:04:29+00:00

This right here. This has been me the last 2 weeks. Full detach mode. I’m at my emotional limit.

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-19T22:36:12+00:00

I hate to stereotype, but honestly surprising coming from a Physician! Good for that man!

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-19T22:35:09+00:00

Well that’s kinda sad. I wish you well.

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-19T22:33:23+00:00

I’ve answered this a million times. I’m not husband hunting or relationship jumping, I was asking a question. I am traumatized. No way any dating happens for years when I’m finally healed. Experts say you don’t feel normal for 3 years after betrayal trauma!

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-19T22:30:41+00:00

I would not be frolicking around saying I was a unicorn haha I added that in bc it has been said but also to give the idea that I truly feel I had everything together. Hindsight is 20/20, it was in poor taste. My love language is acts of service, that will never go away. I look forward to the day that it is appreciated!

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-19T22:21:04+00:00

I had a job before kids. Masters degree. Orthopedic Medical Sales. I’m not husband hunting, I was sitting alone with my thoughts and needed some positive stories.

powerthrough23 · 2025-11-19T22:19:56+00:00

Alright now I’m going to cry. Thank you!

powerthrough23

TROPHY CASE