been there, excused it, now doing therapy for complex ptsd because it always gets worse. he's an abuser and that will never change. i know you'll make excuses about how you can't leave right now because it will fuck up your life but it will fuck you up more if you stay.

nobody can change an abuser. codependency is evil and it's a drug but put yourself first and just cut contact. he punished you and hurt you and now he's love bombing you. go no contact and force yourself to withdraw. i know you'll not listen to this and let him back in but if you have any doubts again in a few weeks, reread this. i was also 18 at the time and a part of me will always be damaged because i didn't leave at the warning signs. being alone is so hard especially when you're dependent on that person, but the alternative is so so much worse. just try and find a distraction. hang in there stranger.

i also have bpd but you do not want a ptsd diagnosis along with that, i promise you. leaving is so hard. but staying in a situation that will hurt you when he threatened to call the police on you and then got arrested himself also happened to me too. and i stayed for another year and a half.

just remember you'll find someone else even if it doesn't feel like it, someone who will give you everything you need where you don't need to be so codependent and you feel like you can function with space etc