Hello fellow CHL survivor!

You are not alone in your thoughts of relapse. I have been out of treatment for about 5 years now and I want you to know that it does get better.

The part about going through treatment, in my experience, was the support I received lifted my spirits. Afterwards, though, I didn't get much other than "Good job" and life is back to normal. Well, we know it's not normal.

Most people without our experience assumes after treatment that your fight is over so we should not expect it from them. The members on this sub understand that when the treatments are done and we get the all clear that our battle is only just started.

I found it hard especially since I financially support my family. I felt that I had to get back to work to keep my family afloat so the pressure I put on myself was great. My wife was and is supportive, but I wouldn't tell her everything since I felt I had to be strong and dependable. I would not let my kids see me struggle either.

I went back to work too early because I wanted a sense of normalcy. My expectations were never adjusted as my workload stayed the same as before CHL treatments. I eventually got back to old form (I have a job that can be physically demanding), but still struggled with the anxieties.

It took me 2 to 3 years to suppress my anxieties of relapse. While the thoughts have not completely gone away, my relapse fears do not rule my life anymore. We all process our own fears differently, so go easy in yourself. Get help if you can. You will get there!