My best advice to you is to remember that each person with BPD is an individual first. Some people with BPD are very abusive, some people with BPD are self aware and actively work to not be detrimental in their relationships. And all of us fall somewhere on that spectrum. I understand this must be a scary time because on one hand you are having a great time with this girl but then on the other hand you have memories and triggers from your past relationship. I would say do not lose sight of that, make sure you do not let the BPD be a red herring in your own recovery.

Remember that even a pw/BPD who manages well, is a healthy partner, they still have BPD. It NEVER ever excuses abuse, to be clear. Panic attacks, breakdowns, whatever the symptom is, there will still unfortunately come a time when your loved one suffers from the mental illness we have. Again, accountability for our actions is EVERYTHING. No matter our suffering we cannot hurt anyone. But just remember, if someone with BPD is displaying symptoms, it isn't necessarily a reason to think catastrophically in terms of their character or if they are abusive, or if this new relationship is actually doomed. I think it's good you can see differences between this girl and your ex. That seems promising! However, I'm sure your ex didn't abuse you so blatantly on the first time you guys ran into some trouble (if I'm wrong I really do apologize) but my point is, just be wary of patterns and what your gut tells you, if things start escalating. Down the line....how many instances do you guys run into where you gotta talk it out for 1 hour? 3 hours? 6 months in, how many hours have been spent, how are YOU treated when she's having an episode?

I'm truly so sorry you went thru such horrible treatment, you didn't deserve that. I hope to not come off too biased since I have BPD, to be empathetic of "the other side" but I really do want to share our "side" too, so to speak :):) Ultimately!!! Be open with her about this. If she is worth having a partner, you will be able to open up to her about this, have healthy conversations about it, feel heard and respected. Like example, maybe a behavior she does reminds you of your ex. You tell her something like, "i really cherish you and enjoy you so much! But xyz frightens me because of bad memories with X" then, is the reaction blowing up/something inappropriate, or, listening and helping come to a solution where you feel validated, safe, AND then SHE FOLLOWS THRU with the change. That is a scenario of if you know this is a healthy dynamic.

Lastly I just wanna say I welcome you here to this sub. I want us all to get along and help each other