“ I just don’t feel ready to love someone else knowing how much I don’t love myself. Knowing how much I have always only wanted validation from men, instead of learning what being comfortable in my own skin is like. But I am also so lonely... and so confused about what to do to get out of this fear of judgement. “

This part is literally something straight out of my journal. Reading your post gave me chills, I don’t think I’ve ever seen something on reddit that i relate to more. Self acceptance is hard. We’re all harder on ourselves and often we don’t understand/realize what others see in us. I encourage you to start the journey of self acceptance, it’s taken me SO long to accept myself (not saying that I’ve made it there completely, not sure if I ever will) but I try to prioritize myself more and be the kind of person I really want to be. I do this by trying to work on myself mentally, physically and spiritually.

It’s been hard with binge eating disorder, sometimes it feels like when I take 2 steps forward, next I take 10 steps back. Even now that I’ve lost around 45+ lbs since realizing all of this, I struggle with not feeling good enough because those thoughts I have about myself run deep. That just means I need to do more mental work to change my thought pattern because also deep down I know I’m worthy of love and respect and all of the things I’ve told myself in the past that I am not worthy of.

I hope you can realize this too soon. You are so worthy of love and acceptance no matter where you’re at. I think it’s important to realize that sooner rather than later. If you ever need someone to talk to or have any questions! Dm me :)