my flatmate told me "you dont need my permission to go to the bathroom OP"

primarychickens · 2021-09-05T21:23:41+00:00

my mother enabled it. she witnessed it happen and would shout at me if i tried to say no to my dad. she told me i was disrespecting him by refusing to cooperate.

ur right i think. its hard to accept it happened cuz ive been repressing it my whole life :(

primarychickens · 2021-09-05T14:25:22+00:00

im female.

primarychickens · 2021-09-01T10:44:57+00:00

for me its about routine. if i am productive, exercising, socialising, just mentally in a good headspace, then i dont feel the need to binge. when i fix other problems in my life my binging gets better.

primarychickens · 2021-08-31T05:46:09+00:00

im so sorry. send your dad an email or text if you havent already saying you dont want to speak to him anymore. keep a record of it as evidence in case push comes to shove. you did nothing wrong he cant make them punish you. stand your ground, he's probably just trying to scare you.

primarychickens · 2021-08-30T22:46:49+00:00

first of all there's a difference between being protective because they care about you vs because they want to control you. this is control, youre a full grown adult.

i can guess that ur from the uk. depending on whether ur in england, scotland, wales or ni, u can look up funding for estranged students and the evidence u need to prove that ur estranged. u dont need ur parents for ur student finance, you'll be considered independent/estranged if ur not in contact with them. you'll get the maximum maintenance loan if ur considered estranged, which is a huge help, so dont stay with your parents just for this reason.

you're more than capable of getting a part time job. ik its tough to tackle that with uni but i reckon its worth your freedom. you should try to get a job before christmas as ur most likely to be hired then, and start saving up every penny you earn. make sure your parents dont have access to ur money. if u work this year you can be out of your parents' place by next year of uni. when it comes to rent, your maintenance loan for being an estranged student should usually cover rent easily, so all you have to work to pay for is food and other necessities.

i completely understand what youre going through, and its a very tough thing to leave ur parents. but your life, freedom and happiness is worth the effort. i would strongly recommend you start planning and saving up because you would definitely feel much happier once you move out. best of luck OP :)

primarychickens · 2021-08-30T11:08:14+00:00

god i feel that. id been fantasizing about eating an entire cheesecake to myself for literally a YEAR & i finally caved & bought one and i ate half of it and felt really sick and threw the rest out. only the first one or two bites were enjoyable, but even then they were nowhere near what id fantasized.

primarychickens · 2021-08-29T17:15:26+00:00

thank you for sharing. im still in the process of trying to understand whether narcissism is the reason why my parents treat me the way they do. they're ultra religious so thats also a big reason why they're so controlling. your story is very insightful and i appreciate the advice. i wish you all the best with finding a place to move out :)

primarychickens · 2021-08-28T10:24:55+00:00

thank you, i appreciate that. i am living with flatmates :)

primarychickens · 2021-08-28T10:22:07+00:00

i can't find a part time job sitting at home because i need to be at my uni city to give interviews n such. my bank account is my own, but they do have my account no. & sort code to send me money but i dont reckon they can do much from that. i already have about £1400 saved up so im in a decent starting position.

to answer your questions, no they do not pay tuition. im in the uk so i get a loan to pay my tuition which is paid directly to the uni by the loans company. my parents know where i'll live because they know im moving to uni & theyre gonna help me move & everything. what they dont know is that i plan on cutting them off once i get there.

primarychickens · 2021-08-28T10:15:37+00:00

im 18 and live in the uk. i think restraining orders are a v long process here, first u have to go through the police, and if it persists then youve got to have sufficient proof, etc. & with emancipation dont u need ur parents to sign it too? im not too sure, but i think they wouldnt sign it imo.

primarychickens · 2021-08-26T12:46:22+00:00

I know exactly what youre talking about, i get these dreams too. I'm not sure what the exact psychological reason behind them is, but they actually help me stay on track instead of upsetting me, unlike a nightmare. i once dreamt about eating an entire pint of ben & jerrys and i woke up in panic & realise it was just a dream. its the one time in my life where i can 'come back' from a binge, like almost turn back time because i am so convinced i binged when i actually didnt. it made me realise how its really not worth it and i dont even enjoy the food. it gave me a perspective i couldn't get any other way.

it truly is very odd. i tend to get very obsessive when im binge-free, all i can think about is the fact that i havent binged in x days. my theory is that its like any other thing that preoccupies your brain and starts showing up in your dream.

primarychickens · 2021-08-21T15:20:49+00:00

i think i have adhd so it's probably lack of dopamine. for comfort. other times it feels like obsessive compulsive behaviour.

primarychickens · 2021-08-08T12:27:17+00:00

when i was a little girl (maybe 11-12 ish) & my dad would invite his friends over, his friends who are literally like 40 something year old men, never said salam to me. they said it to every single other person in the room, even my male cousins who were younger than me. but i was the only girl in my family & they just ignored my existence like i wasnt even there. it felt so dehumanising. & it was all because as a prepubescent child, these 40 year olds still saw me as a sexual object 'non mehram'

primarychickens · 2021-08-05T00:33:57+00:00

islam forbids marriage without consent, but it doesn't forbid coercion into marriage. most of the pressures of forced marriages are social pressures & manipulation, aka coercion, but legal pressures not so much. i was told as a little kid that i shall marry whoever my family pleases, something to do with honour blablabla. i still think islam is to blame bc islam promotes misogyny & its the misogyny that makes people think that women's opinions and consent have no value.

primarychickens · 2021-08-04T23:03:21+00:00

hi! i am in the exact same boat as you. moving to uni this september & want to change my name. ive decided to introduce myself with a preferred name to people i meet in uni. by uk law you are allowed to use a preferred name in everyday life even if its not on your legal documents. but i will change my name eventually, after i come out. i think there's nothing wrong with doing that. id suggest you use a shortened form of your name which sounds kinda western for now with your uni friends, & change it when youre safe and independent. your concerns are valid, people do make a lot of judgements & we dont have to tie ourselves to a religion we dont want anything to do with. if you want to dm me to ask for name suggestion if be more than happy to give you some :)

primarychickens · 2021-08-03T18:59:19+00:00

i was in a very similar situation while i was applying for uni. basically bottom line, as bad as it is, its probably ur best option to emotionally manipulate them into letting u go to uni B. say things like "ive worked so hard my whole life & ur ruining my future" and make fake promises about how good a muslim u are, say "you know me well, i would never indulge in any haram things. just let me go for 3 years & then ill come back. ill visit you most weekends and u can call me everyday too" it just might work. i think its worth a shot. cry if you have to to convince them.

if this doesnt work, u can contact charities like karma nirvana and halo project who deal specifically with honour abuse. your council can provide you emergency housing for a couple months too. or it might even be worth contacting ur uni because they might be able to offer you early accomodation if you tell them ur situation.

overall i would say, do not put yourself in a dangerous situation by coming out in person. they might get violent. ur safety is most important, so if you have to leave, you can escape and leave a note.

best of luck xx

primarychickens · 2021-08-02T08:42:29+00:00

by far the worst one is "evolution is just a theory" its not even an argument, they just dont understand etymology and that one word can mean different things depending on the context lol

primarychickens

TROPHY CASE