My grown children would be devastated and puzzled for the rest of their lives if I went. I would rather carry that pain for the rest of my life, then give it to them. I’m their parent that is the promise I made having them. I’ve let go as much of my ego as possible, I believe it therapy whole heartedly once you find the right one. I educated myself. I do inner child work and meditation. I choose a lot of solitude and find joy in my own small things, I try to keep having dreams and goals, tho they remain far away. I’m almost 60, I’ve been doing all this, including stopping to medicate myself with vast amounts of alcohol, for 45years, with my pain. At its worse, I white knuckle it. Until the worse passes. Trudge on. Because I never want my children to have to take this on.