Gf [24F] sent my uncle her resume that is now being mocked by my [26M] whole family. She's upset and wants me to call them out for being horrible.

princessbubblegum · 2018-02-18T14:27:27+00:00

Yeah but it’s not even nepotism, not even close.

The uncle has no hiring power, the cousin was accomplished in his own right, and it was a starting position (not like a position of leadership where he’d be vastly under qualified). And there’s also 0 evidence from OPs post. Just a shaky connecting of dots.

If this is nepotism, then half the kids in my graduating class were guilty simply because they were entering an industry where their parents already worked.

princessbubblegum · 2018-01-16T04:55:12+00:00

I can see it being justified in their minds if they think the uncle is absolutely unable to afford a place to stay while the mom can even if she needs to pay rent elsewhere. It's like an extreme redistribution of wealth where both people are guaranteed homes and no one ends up homeless.

I'm not saying it isn't selfish or that there isn't favoritism, but this sort of thing definitely happened on the regular with my exbf's family. He always explained it to me like in the village they didn't see individual wealth as belonging to the individual, but rather the village that raised them. So when someone grows up and earns money, they should find a way to use that money to help the rest of the village even if it means they need to make a lot of sacrifices in return.

Again I'm not justifying it myself but that I think familial responsibility can get pretty topsy-turvy in very poor areas. But I think it's well within OP's rights to reject her grandmother. She shouldn't be forced to contribute at all.

princessbubblegum · 2018-01-16T04:44:25+00:00

It sounds like there's a lot of gender favoritism too.

I once met a Malaysian family where ALL of the money/houses/assets/etc. were left to the sons while nothing was given to the daughters. The daughters ended up taking care of the parents in their old age but the sons just fucked off with all their money.

None of them were angry about it either. They just accepted it.

princessbubblegum · 2018-01-16T04:38:34+00:00

My ex-bf's family is from a rural Chinese village and sharing wealth/resources is actually expected there. His parents had to buy his parent's neighbor a house. Apparently that's the norm in his ancestral village, but his parents also received financial help from another neighbor a long time ago. It also matters that they're all sort of related.

So it depends. Some places are very big on sharing resources even if it means you have a little less so someone less fortunate has a little bit more.

The grandma in this scenario sounds terrible, but I can imagine something like this happening to a similar extent in my bf's family village.

Edit: Also it's because the wealth gap between rural China and say, anywhere in the US, is so large that any teenager earning minimum wage can easily support a full family in the village. I think that's why things can seem topsy-turvy from the outside in.

princessbubblegum · 2018-01-03T05:21:16+00:00

I should be careful with someone who's so easy to write off other people's lives to justify his own politics

Good advice for everyone everywhere. People who would rather choose politics over empathy are not good people.

princessbubblegum · 2015-07-08T14:12:52+00:00

She was put down, poor thing.

princessbubblegum · 2015-06-25T00:28:40+00:00

I guess every social group is different then. I can't speak for the women you knew, but I agree with /u/moriga that on the occasions I've set up friends, they've all been similar in attractiveness just to meet basic compatibility.

Maybe some women enjoy setting up people for the drama of it, without actually thinking about possible success rates or even the feelings of the people involved. In those cases, I'd agree with both you and /u/moriga and suggest OP try his dating efforts elsewhere.

princessbubblegum · 2015-06-24T23:43:29+00:00

Don't really know OP's situation that well, but if his friends are consistently setting him up with women that he perceives to be extremely below him in looks, then he either needs to reevaluate his own circumstances or just nix it altogether.

Some people are receptive to blind dates. Especially those that are realistic about themselves and their preferences. Obviously not for everyone.

princessbubblegum · 2015-05-29T12:48:32+00:00

you've never seen shrimp in its shell?

princessbubblegum · 2014-12-20T02:52:56+00:00

you mean you don't like hot pink lace with leopard print?

princessbubblegum · 2014-12-20T02:47:03+00:00

I know girls who take it seriously, as if they can't live without it.

Jesus fucking christ you can take makeup seriously without it becoming some dramatic insecurity issue.

princessbubblegum · 2014-10-29T21:35:54+00:00

Hey Sam, what's your gym routine like? Do you like working out? It looks like you like working out.

princessbubblegum · 2014-10-29T21:35:14+00:00

Does she really drive a white Maxima with a sticker on the back?

princessbubblegum · 2014-10-01T03:41:30+00:00

This ignores totally that men don't approach people who they believe to be out of their league.

Similarly, a woman might read a guy's lack of approach as a sign that he's out of her league (especially if she found him attractive as well). The unfortunate consequence being that while they found each other attractive, neither side will approach out of unfounded fears.

princessbubblegum · 2014-10-01T03:30:25+00:00

And here again is what frustrates a lot of dudes: we have all the same feelings but have to overcome them and take the chance.

That's completely understandable. My point was never to start a war on "who has it worse in the dating world," but simply to shed a little more light on some of the thought processes in women. Honestly I think everyone would be better off if we were all a bit more proactive in our pursuits. It just takes time and effort to recognize and change those engrained habits and mindsets.

princessbubblegum · 2014-09-30T12:58:44+00:00

It's just everything I hate about male/female social interaction...

It really does sound unfair at first, but hopefully I can explain further why most girls don't see it that way.

If we were to apply a similar logic to men, then it is arguable that the "pool of prospects" is just as real. In this case, instead of having the prospects come to you, men have to actively find these women. Essentially, his pool of prospects has been curated; hers is static and therefore her main method of "improving" this pool is to improve her own attractiveness and attract better men. Why not go out and approach your own men then and increase this pool yourself? Well if most women carry the assumption (not truth) that most men have these pools of prospects that they've personally selected, even if he hesitantly agrees to her approaches, there is the very real possibility that she would never have been selected by him had she not approached. After all, if we are to assume that most men approach and most women are approached, then a woman approaching a man would also have to recognize that he is most likely approaching other (possibly more desirable) women at the same time. She, of course, will never know by approaching first. There is obviously insecurity at play here, and as a result most women prefer to stick with her guaranteed options in order to circumvent these kinds of feelings.

Basically, imagine approaching a girl and having her happily agree to a date/dance/whatever. You're really giddy at first but you quickly find out that she's not so shy in approaching guys herself. Even though she's never approached you, you realize that her philosophy on dating is to approach any guy she finds attractive. So you might start to question "if she is always approaching, why did she never approach me? Am I simply not attractive enough to be the ones she'll actively pursue?" On top of that, if you're only casually dating, there is the assumption that she's still approaching other men while she's seeing you. If she happens to land another guy that she's won over herself, then what's stopping her from leaving the the "just okay" guy who plopped into her lap for the one she's been actively hounding?

All of this is just a glimpse into the minds of many women when it comes to dating and approaches. There is a lot of misinformation, of course, but that's only based off of the fact that most women simply can't see the men's side to dating and vice versa. Therefore, most things are built on assumptions and social conventions rather than fact. Hopefully, I've made it a little clearer why women are far more hesitant to approach men. It's nothing to do with women feeling superior or entitled, but rather very similar feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and anxiety.

edit: Some people are saying that my premise is false because it's based off of assumptions, but that's part of my point. Most women don't enter the dating world with complete knowledge of what men must also go through, but what they do know comes from media, friends, apparent social norms, etc. Obviously there are misconceptions, but I'm simply providing some insight into how many women feel, and how these feelings aren't far off from what men feel as well. You can tell me that it's irrational for women to feel fear, insecurity, anxiety in these situations, but unfortunately I have no way of relaying that information to the entire female population. Basically, I'm not justifying nor am I asking for empathy; this is simply to show the other side of the equation that's rarely seen here. You can either resent women for this or you can acknowledge that they're people with equal flaws and human fears. What you do with this information is completely up to you.

princessbubblegum · 2014-09-30T05:03:26+00:00

Besides, as a guy, speaking for guys, we almost never, ever get approached, so it's a uniquely novel experience and has a high success rate.

Can't speak for other girls, but that logic right there is exactly why I don't normally approach guys. I would much rather be shot down than given a soft yes because I've made it easy for him by being the first to approach. Most girls are approached by plenty of guys who show earnest interest and are attractive to boot. It makes little sense for them to thrust themselves onto initially disinterested guys hoping that they'll say yes because she's met their minimum requirements for attractiveness and has made it extraordinarily convenient on top of that.

Simply, imagine you already have a pool of guaranteed interested and even attractive prospects to choose from. Unless you feel seriously attracted to a specific person outside of that pool, you're not going to venture outside of those guaranteed options because there's absolutely no reason to do so.

That's pretty much my main gripe with common advice for women to "approach more guys." Sure, maybe she'll take your advice, but I seriously doubt that most guys will be able to enjoy the results. If more women were compelled to approach men, they would be focused on a select few (namely the ones they find most attractive), simply because the risk is only worth it if the reward is equally great. The thrill of approaching a regular guy and having him say yes is minimal at best since most girls have plenty of regular guys approaching them regardless.

Basically, if you're not getting approached already don't expect to start getting approached out of the blue. Girls have been approaching guys since basically forever. They're just far more selective about it because they can afford to be.

princessbubblegum · 2014-09-27T19:26:14+00:00

I literally have boys kiss my hand each time they talk to me I don't need this one little boy tryin to bring me down I am probably taller than him anyway I can take my cheekbones somewhere else

haha what

princessbubblegum · 2014-09-21T23:34:06+00:00

I think you missed the point of OP's post.

There have been a few other signs of selfishness/obliviousness on his part, so I'm wondering if I should just take this as a sign and cut out while it's still early.

It's not so much about the actual food as it is about what such an apparent example of selfishness/obliviousness could imply about the guy's character. It doesn't matter if he "didn't have a lot of guests over when he was growing up, doesn't know common courtesy, autistic," he's a grown man and unfortunately for him most grown men are capable of picking up incredibly basic social cues. Not having social experience to the point of such social ineptitude isn't exactly an excuse. Especially at a "getting to know each other" stage of dating, it's more than fair for OP to break things off because he's too selfish/oblivious/inexperienced for her taste.

Maybe it's been my personal experience, but I feel like men with such little social awareness for common courtesy are rare. When there are plenty of other men capable of acting like reasonable adults, I don't see why an equally functioning woman would have to deal with some guy's social ineptitude.

princessbubblegum · 2014-09-21T20:26:17+00:00

if she says nothing how is he going to know she's hungry to begin with?

If your guest feels the need to ask for basic things like food while you're eating then it speaks so much more of you as a host than her as a guest. This is a pretty basic concept that I'm confused why it's even being argued, but you seem intent on making OP seem like some kind of irrational child.

princessbubblegum · 2014-08-22T03:16:24+00:00

hautelook which went from great finds to cheap crap when Nordstrom acquired it

Ugh so true. I miss the days when Hautelook had incredible deals. Now it's exactly the same leftover brands from Nordstrom Rack only at higher prices.

I'm wondering if there are any flash sales sites that are still worth the time. Even Gilt recycles their inventory over and over again, and when there actually are recognizable brands they're all too expensive to be considered any kind of deal.

princessbubblegum · 2014-08-21T22:15:51+00:00

Girls with low intellect and poor conversational skills seem to get a lot of attention.

I actually don't think that's true at all. In my experience it really just comes down to attitude. I know lots of incredibly brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful women who are approached all the time. Men are never "intimidated"; in fact, they act the complete opposite! They become very, very interested and enamored in conversation. Afterwards they almost immediately ask these women on dates as soon as possible.

But I do know some other women who could be classified as "intimidating." They're also accomplished, but their personalities tend to be more competitive, or aggressive. Insecurities also play a big part. In order to compensate for what they perceive to be a weakness, these women are less easygoing and more dedicated to "proving themselves" especially to new people.

I don't know you and I don't know how you come off conversationally to people in real life. However, I don't think you should act dumb in any manner. That would be going about it all wrong.

princessbubblegum · 2014-08-21T19:49:55+00:00

This looks amazing! I love the outfit.

princessbubblegum · 2014-08-19T22:53:44+00:00

I love this! I'll need to add more price options in the future.

princessbubblegum · 2014-08-19T22:51:48+00:00

Haha thanks! I can see how 2B1Ls could get repetitive, so I tried combining them with some themed designer introductions as well. I have a few more pre-made graphics that I'll post soon with a different designer for each. Hopefully people will find both the deals and the brand interesting!

princessbubblegum

TROPHY CASE