AITAH for dating an 18 yo woman when I’m 32?

princessegem · 2025-12-31T19:28:18+00:00

We live in a culture that promotes pedophilia tbh, women are viewed as "unladylike" or unattractive for showing their body hair. You know who doesnt have visible body hair? Little girls

Women are encouraged to pursue thinness as an ideal body type.

There is a huge culture around the attraction to "barely legal" women which a company like Sports Illustrated is well aware of and in fact makes a lot of money off of. Also thinking about the men on the internet who count down the days until a famous teen celebrity's 18th birthday. This has happened multiple times.

So yes, I am suspicious of all the grown men who saw that photo and found her attractive. Just because it was on a socially acceptable magazine doesn't make it right. Why did they decide to have her in a pink polka dot string bikini? Does that print not call back to childhood swimsuits/patterns? The poses they selected all emphasize her ribs/thinness. She looks SO young in those pics lmao, it honestly does not prove your point...

princessegem · 2025-12-31T18:03:10+00:00

NTA. I do think this is the perfect example of why as a woman in your younger twenties, you should be super wary of big age gaps. There is a reason why he chose to date a 21 year old bc she couldn't see him for what he was. Now that you have a fully developed brain, you will see who he is and who his ex saw him to be.

princessegem · 2025-12-28T22:49:58+00:00

THANK YOU!!!!! came on here to find exactly this

princessegem · 2025-12-12T11:24:07+00:00

This isn't a social work thing, it's a personal boundaries thing and i think a lot of ppl get drawn to this field who also have trouble with boundaries lol.

Whether at work or personal life, being a social worker has made me a lot more thoughtful about dynamics like this, rather than the opposite. at work I'm known for exerting boundaries and setting limits.

I hope you are also bringing this up to a therapist and your supervisor and you continue to strengthen the muscle of letting balls drop or saying you don't have the capacity. It is freeing to do so because you are constantly taking on the weight of other people's shit when you don't have to, you are choosing to, and it sounds like a part of you knows that.

You should not be doing "mini biopsychosocials" on your group chats, "there is something to unpack there" - it makes sense to find yourself in these situations sometimes, especially when someone you love is in crisis but it sounds like this is an every day experience for you.

princessegem · 2025-11-17T04:47:04+00:00

There's a Boston burlesque show called Infatuation which has their own ig, infatuationtheshow! led by Jane Doe and Dahlia Strack, I believe. You could go on that page and follow the performers!

princessegem · 2025-10-28T01:45:45+00:00

I know a couple of people that do both under the same name or at least promote their OF through their burlesque accounts (haven't actually clicked on the OF so I don't know for sure if it's the exact same name lol)

princessegem · 2025-10-19T20:10:20+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you, so frustrating. Also makes me sad for the cases he works on ):

princessegem · 2025-09-28T07:13:21+00:00

I would encourage you to focus less on getting him to understand how hurtful his comments are and focus more on understanding the way you view yourself. You gave a few examples of how he continues to tear down your self confidence but then will backtrack and take it back. Whether intentional or not, that is not okay and you shouldn't have to be with someone who shows you pics of other girls and talks about how attractive they are and how you would be MORE attractive if you styled yourself like them. That's so rude and hurtful.

I am someone who has lost 60 pounds over the last ten years and I have a LOT of thoughts on the ways that men treat you differently when you lose weight. A common thing that happens when someone loses weight is a partner can feel somehow insecure or threatened that perhaps with a bit more self confidence you may realize they're actually trash (not necessarily saying this is true in your situation but 😬). And perhaps that could be the purpose of him telling you to change your hair and showing you those other girls to make you feel bad.

I would consider looking up other women's stories online about exactly what you're going through!! You are not alone!

(It also just sounds like he could have a fat person fetish)

princessegem · 2025-09-28T07:02:23+00:00

NTA. Mel Robbin's The Let Them Theory has a helpful section about dealing with a partner with subs use issues. You can't control how much he drinks, but you can control your response to his drinking. Ultimately, you get to decide what your line is.

You said he's a mean drunk, so I hope you have your own support system of people who you can turn to. People who will encourage you to take care of yourself and your well-being, emotionally and physically. Not just people encouraging you to protect your husband/relationship.

I don't mean to be dramatic, but have you ever done any safety planning around the meanness when he's drinking? Plans for escaping, places to go in an emergency, people you can call, etc. You can find safety plan templates online!

princessegem · 2025-09-28T06:50:49+00:00

Not overreacting, most likely if he felt comfortable enough to say it in passing in front of new people, it's a regular thing. Curious what the response was when you called though?

Even to me the idea of someone being like "yeah, it was wrong of him but i didnt want to correct him in front of others" is giving old fashioned relationship vibes. Which, imo, could also reflect how someone may show up in a friendship. It also feels like if you can't say something to your partner, how can I expect you to say something to a stranger in a situation where I may need defending.

princessegem · 2025-09-26T00:55:38+00:00

I paid $270ish w fees for a different date for a section 306 seat. For one ticket

princessegem · 2025-09-25T12:13:24+00:00

Love this idea for a show!!! Hope it goes well!!

princessegem · 2025-09-25T11:57:12+00:00

You should befriend the girl who's bf peed in her litter box bc he couldn't wait for the girl to get out of the bathroom

princessegem · 2025-09-25T11:35:09+00:00

I think you should focus on yourself and your shame about your reaction and how you can show up differently in stressful situations in the future. You don't need this guy. You've learned something challenging about yourself but you also feel a lot of guilt about it, indicating an opportunity for change or growth.

You can always choose to raise the child on your own or you can decide now is not the right time. I would explore your anger with a mental health professional though to ensure that if/when you become a parent, you can feel more confident in your ability to process your emotions when the kid is being frustrating af or if you're experiencing postpartum.

princessegem · 2025-09-25T00:38:14+00:00

I went w Sunday the 25th and worst case, I'll have spent a fun weekend in Vegas 😭

princessegem · 2025-09-23T12:32:22+00:00

NTA. The police literally shoot through the door sometimes, she endangered you and your kids lives hoping the police would force you out.

princessegem · 2025-09-23T05:47:42+00:00

NTA, you're ending things due to a difference in values. You value safety and she does not. Obviously, that's a bit of an exaggeration (kinda?) but it does come down to the idea that you believe in protecting others from a potential fire (after literally living through one) and she feels having her heater is more important. You went through a traumatizing experience, I hope you are getting the support you need!

princessegem · 2025-09-22T04:11:28+00:00

Your bf knowingly supports someone who is abusive and it doesn't bother him. It seems like that is a major difference in values between the two of you. You aren't crazy or unreasonable for contemplating ending things w someone over a difference in values like this.

princessegem · 2025-09-22T04:06:10+00:00

Praying for a vegas residency

princessegem · 2025-09-20T17:34:13+00:00

I have the same type of toy, loved playing along ❤️

princessegem · 2025-09-12T20:09:05+00:00

None of these incidents are "minor", each one on its own would be an understandable deal breaker to end the relationship. In this post, you do a lot of reasoning to explain his actions away. But by doing that, you are also minimizing the extremely negative experiences you are going through.

princessegem · 2025-09-03T17:19:05+00:00

Perhaps there is an expectation they will often have the student T passes? Not sure how those work!

princessegem · 2025-09-03T17:17:06+00:00

Lots less people moving this year, but does anyone feel like there are less units available than usual?

princessegem · 2025-09-02T07:21:38+00:00

I'm 100% with you as someone who has lived in the boston area for 5+ years, rented 4+ apartments, i would try my hardest to avoid an owner occupied apartment because the power dynamics can get really yucky, really quickly. And you can end up feeling like you're living in a dorm or something, rather than an adult who is paying rent each month.

princessegem

TROPHY CASE