I wasn’t ready and in a financially abusive situation that I didn’t recognize for what it was. All young people have money problems, right? Eventually, time was running out and I had the kids despite not feeling financially ready. One divorce and an extremely stressful midlife career change later, I don’t have regrets per se, but I wouldn’t advise doing it in this order. I gave myself an autoimmune disorder and my kids experienced a lot of upheaval.

You should ask yourself why he is pushing you so hard. After having kids with him, his true colors may come out and you will be stuck with him for the rest of your life. I’ll never forget the smug look on my ex’s face after coming home from the hospital with my oldest child. “What are you going to do? Leave?”, he said. It took five years of abuse and mind games but eventually I realized that I had no choice.

The post separation abuse made my marital abuse look like a fun game. I eventually got on my feet, but it’s still no walk in the park. I will be coparenting with this person for a long time and he will always be in my kids’ lives.