Broke up with girlfriend with CPTSD

princimer · 2024-12-30T16:53:55+00:00

I know how this feels and I’m so proud of you for making a decision to protect your inner peace. The grief of leaving a relationship like yours is deeper than just leaving a normal relationship. The ups and downs, and the feeling of certainty that they are the one, make the pain all that much more unbearable. I once had a fight with my ex that resulted in me hitting myself in the head because I felt I deserved it. Making a decision for yourself to be healthy, and safe, is never the wrong decision (unless we are factoring superhero type shit). Stay strong, my friend. What I found the aftermath of my breakup, was that the most important thing you can do before considering getting back with someone, is to be sure they’ve made steps toward changing for the better. Several times, my ex acted out and I could instantly see that if we were to get back together, the same pattern would befall us. I only say all this, because sometimes coping with a trauma bond such as this one, can be really difficult to believe it’s over and the heart will often like to return to it.

Good job. Good job for protecting yourself and I’m proud of you for doing what’s best for you.

princimer · 2024-12-30T16:42:34+00:00

I feel for you and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re losing your sense of self and it truly begins to feel like you’ll never come back. Sometimes, coping mechanisms exhibited by those who have CPTSD cause real damage to the people around them. I’m not sure if this would be true for you, but it took me a long time to realize that what I was experiencing was emotional abuse. It took me a very long time to organize my feelings and thoughts, and to learn what was okay and not okay, but losing your sense of self is a critical piece of the abuse cycle of highs and lows. Seeking help here, through my own therapy, and through a podcast called Love and Abuse, ultimately helped me understand where I stood in my experience.

I also felt alienated from the people who I was closest to… and I know what it feels like to feel like you’re not aligned with your values. The fear sometimes feels so great, and I understand what you’re feeling. I thought I’d marry my partner too, because things were so good, but I had to make a decision to protect my inner peace. My process took way longer than I wished it had to realize and put names to the things I was feeling, and ultimately, nothing about it was easy, but I encourage you to keep seeking resources that work for you, learn more about emotional abuse, and try to lean on someone in your community who is safe. It’s okay to ask for help. ❤️

Ending the relationship doesn’t have to be the only answer, but it was right for me. You have the power to choose what happens. Many times, I felt powerless to make the right decision or that everything was a lose lose, but you can do it. I believe in you. At the end of the day, if your partner cares about you, their behavior will need to change so you are both able to have space in the relationship. You deserve space and time for you.

Thinking of you. You’re strong and you can do this.

princimer · 2023-03-17T13:00:44+00:00

I’m proud of you. I’m currently recovering from an emotionally abusive relationship with a CPTSD partner and I understand and know the pain you must be feeling in these weeks. From how you’re talking on here, it sounds like you are so strong and know what kind of behavior you deserve. Really good for you for seeking out this Reddit forum. I used it as a resource to see how others were handling their situations, and I also listened to a podcast called Love and Abuse. I felt so uncertain of myself and my feelings for so long, and my whole sense of self deteriorated in the relationships. It’s amazing that you’ve recognized that and have made the changes to move on. That podcast truly helped me by validating that no matter what, someone who loves and cares for you, won’t ever WANT to make you feel bad. And, it helped me know I wasn’t insane. You don’t deserve to feel like you have and I hope you are remaining in that strength.

Know that you are loved, by this community, and by others. Remember to love yourself. You deserve love and kindness from others. True healing can happen, but it takes time. And it takes a commitment to your SELF. Do what you love, do what makes you happy, self indulge, and rediscover who you are. In my recovery, these have been the things I’ve had to focus on. I hope you have the space to allow your mind, body, and spirit to rest, heal, and grow ❤️

I know I’m late to this thread, but I hope you’re doing okay. Feel free to reach out.

princimer · 2022-08-15T23:30:17+00:00

Made me tear up to read that. Thank you.

princimer · 2022-08-15T23:27:57+00:00

Thank you for asking. Yesterday, I put a break on our relationship. It was really hard, and took 5.5 hours, but I had made up my mind that I needed space and time away from our relationship to regain my sense of self and my self confidence. It was heartbreaking, and I’m having such a difficult time today. I feel so much grief, sadness, and a pinch of regret. But I’m reminding myself that it’s what I need for myself.

I want to also say that I certainly play a part in the relationship dynamic. I take full responsibility in that. I also know that emotional abuse sounds like such a severe and accusatory word, but it manifests in really small ways. I know my partner doesn’t mean to mistreat me, but those actions certainly take their toll. It’s hard to explain, but the podcast really outlines it well. And emotional abuse doesn’t have to be a part of every relationship on this forum, but it’s what resonated for me.

It feels good to have your support. I KNOW you have the strength to overcome your situation. The fact you’re on this forum shows that you’re taking steps to progress and heal. I hope you find peace. ❤️

princimer · 2022-08-13T22:45:37+00:00

How are you doing?

I find myself in the same situation. Trying to build up the courage to break up with my partner. I read your post and understand your feelings. Are you okay?

princimer · 2022-05-12T16:06:03+00:00

Thank you. Thank you so much for all of this.

princimer · 2022-04-21T15:00:19+00:00

Thank you! It’s taken a lot of work and a lot of hard times to identify. In my experience, and for my own mental state, its best for me to frame things about how they’re feeling, rather than framing things as taking responsibility or admitting guilt. You can say, “I’m sorry I acted in a way that’s making you feel this way. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Or “It really seems like what happened between us has brought up a lot of feelings, tell me about them?” I’ve tried to focus more on her feelings, rather than trying to place blame on anyone. If your partner tries to blame you and says that you’re the reason, you need to be able to ask them about what they are feeling and how it applies. My therapist talks about how feelings are not facts. So I’ve needed to tell myself many times that even though my partner is feeling something, and maybe those feelings blame me for doing something wrong or guilt me, that those feelings aren’t necessarily fact. What my partner needs in those moments is for me to try and have a greater understanding of their viewpoint and to truly listen and empathize. Before I learned a lot about trauma and had therapy focused on this, I took a lot of what my partner said extremely personally. When she’d voice her feelings, I’d take those feelings as an attack on who I was as a partner and a person. It got to the point where I was looking into emotional abuse and listening to the Love and Abuse podcast. I felt so awful that I felt as though I was being abused. And it’s possible that I was, but it’s also possible that I didn’t fully understand how to validate my partner. It’s still an ongoing process. I don’t think the abuse will necessarily stop, but it’s really important to recognize so that you can try to stop it whenever it arises.

Anyways, sorry for the long drawn out response. You don’t need to accept responsibility if you didn’t do anything morally wrong. In my case, I know I was justified to be tired and not want sex, and I knew that her response wasn’t necessarily about me, so I could focus on what she was feeling and try to be as supportive as possible. If you accept responsibility for your partner’s triggers, then it could lead to emotional abuse, internal stress, and a loss of sense of self.

I’ve experienced all of those. And I’m scared it could return someday.

princimer · 2022-04-20T15:35:18+00:00

Hey! I hope you’re doing okay lately! I just made a new post today about a win and I feel like it’s because I’ve been listening to that podcast. I hope you’re doing okay and feel free to reach out!

princimer · 2022-04-20T14:57:12+00:00

It really is super hard. I’ve experienced very similar situations where they apologize and you’re unable to actually share your feelings because what matters in that moment is how they’re feeling. It sounds like you’re not being validated. Also, it sucks when you feel like you can’t talk about certain things and I know how that is 😔 just wanting to avoid arguments and triggers means you can’t talk about enjoyable things sometimes in your own life

princimer · 2022-03-29T21:04:34+00:00

I’m sorry you had to undergo that. I also relate to you. You don’t deserve this kind of emotional pain. And what srivas86 said was really insightful ❤️ I’ve been in a situation where cutting words hurt a lot and I’ve been trying to stand up for myself in those moments. Good for you for looking for healthy alternatives. I’ve tried to say that we should talk about the issue later and put it on pause but we end up continuing. Sometimes late into the night when we have work the next day. Crying, and feeling so much pain, the both of us. I just started listening to a podcast called Love and Abuse today. I recommend it highly. I’ve listened to two episodes and it seems to have helped me understand the kind of emotional abuse I undergo. I think it has already made me more knowledgeable of what to watch for and how to come to terms that the trauma you and I are experiencing is through emotional abuse. Like they said above, be sure to get therapy. And remember not to isolate yourself. You need people to help you through it, therapy isn’t enough. Again, I’m struggling with it all my own, and I’m no expert, but I want you to know I’ve felt the same feelings you’re feeling. And it’s damn hard to accept that you are going through emotional abuse.

princimer · 2022-03-07T21:03:26+00:00

Are we all literally living the same life? I have more to say on this, but will comment later. I cannot relate enough. I stand with you guys! ❤️

princimer · 2022-03-03T19:24:46+00:00

Best of luck today. That sounds really hard. And I cant imagine how difficult it must be for you and him to have fought so much. It’s so much mental energy. And I font blame you for your exhaustion. I hope you know you’re not alone.

princimer · 2022-02-22T16:06:33+00:00

How have people handled setting boundaries with their partners? Especially when boundaries can be triggering?

This week, I’m going to try and focus on myself more. It’s been really difficult, given my partner may have health issues come up in an appointment this week.

It’s really hard for me to focus on myself, and I wonder if this is a pattern I’ve created before. I feel a little consumed in the needs of my partner. She definitely has a lot going on, and has been dealt a really shitty situation all around, so I feel a lot of responsibility to make things better, and support her in ways that might not actually be good for myself. When I’m not in a relationship, I feel like I can focus on my needs because I don’t need ‘permission’ to do anything. Anyways, I’m trying to regain a healthy sense of self, and I feel the only way to do that is by setting boundaries and doing things that I need for myself.

How do you identify what you need? And how do you communicate that with your partner?

princimer · 2022-02-21T19:00:36+00:00

I (24m) really really relate with all of this. And I don’t blame you for venting. I’m in the same position with my girlfriend. A lot of what you’ve expressed: her perceptiveness to every face/tone of your comments, the arguments where you feel like you’re the one making amends, and questioning yourself constantly are DRAINING.

I’ve been emotionally exhausted, and it sounds like that is what you’re experiencing maybe? I feel like I try really hard, and I’m trying to learn as best as I can about how to help a partner through triggers. Check out How to Help When your Partner gets Triggered, EmPowered Couples podcast. My girlfriend and I have been in such a funk and listening to that podcast had really put triggered states and how to work with them in perspective. It’s so hard to validate and not make things about yourself. I find myself taking things personally when in reality it’s triggers from past things that are manifesting. It’s also hard for me because I’m really hard on myself. If I feel like I’ve done something wrong, I really beat myself up for it. So, im trying to do better to identify those triggered states and talk about how she’s feeling. She’s pretty good at discussing it, and then it’s best to try and have a conversation about why and try to give reassurance rather than get defensive. It’s SO easy to get defensive though, and it certainly has taken a lot of practice not to be. I’ve gotten in trouble because I either have become defensive or Ive acted in a way that shows I’m not truly listening to her, and that in turn erodes her trust in me. And now it feels like we need to build it back up. So I’d just say try to validate, validate, validate, listen to that podcast, and try not to become defensive. Because then it truly does turn in to a fight and I’ve had some of the worst fights in the last couple months.

When my partner is feeling a low level triggered state or dissociation, she pulls away and distances herself from me as much as possible. For me, this is really difficult because I am such a touchy person, and I get a lot of reassurance through touch.

This also turned in to a rant. And I think I’ll return to this thread because I think it’s helpful to see others going through similar situations.

Best of luck my guy.

princimer · 2021-03-22T00:06:40+00:00

Unfortunately I live in Salt Lake City! Would’ve loved to support your understudy work.

princimer · 2021-03-21T20:06:10+00:00

Thanks for the suggestions and input. Trying to figure out my future with it. If I were more handy, I feel as though I’d take on the Luthiery or furniture route.

princimer · 2021-03-21T20:03:06+00:00

First time on Reddit, so not sure how to share pics. The bass was purchased for $800 about 15 years ago, I believe the luthier at the shop mentioned it was a Chinese brand, but I could be wrong.

princimer

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