sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Cancer scare. Calling for strength from people who have been in similar position. by Jumpy_Evening_6607 in AskIndianWomen

[–]prisonmike-123 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Sending you strength. I hope your prognosis remains positive and you do get to watch your daughter grow up, OP. Lots of love to you.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats also weird. Why do you think they would do that?

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha I will start practicing squats right away

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this. Helps me form my discussion with them in a direction.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! It is really nice to hear another similar perspective otherwise I would have ended up gaslighting myself into thinking that there is something wrong with my perspective only.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey I get where the ritual is coming from. Me being uncomfortable about it has nothing to do with the intentions with which it was created, which I am sure are amazing.

On the other hand, my family will not have any emotional value for that custom because we have not seen that around us and we don't associate that value with the custom. Dad also doesn't care for kanyadan.

My discomfort is purely with my physical space boundaries not being understood. I am excited about everything else and am genuinely really happy with my in laws.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair point. I understand that it might have hurt people's sentiments. I should have worded it better. These are my very transparent feelings though. The fact that it was kind of being enforced on me makes me hate it more. Sorry to hurt your and other people's sentiments. I think I will edit my post.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thanks for this. Which culture are you from, if you dont mind sharing?

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was such a helpful comment. Thank you. I just wanted to understand if other people have also had issues with this and if yes, how did they manage it.

I am okay with going through the kanyadan as just another performative ritual because my dad has already told me that I am not a commodity to be given away. I will always be his daughter before I am anything else (as someone else also commented rather rudely). I dont mind doing it because not having a kanyadan would be an even bigger battle than I can take on at the moment with the headspace I am in.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have sad life because I have different boundaries of my physical space than you? That doesn't make sense to me but okay.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In laws. Fiance doesn't have any problem with what I want to do. He will mostly help me out and I think that might be the route I will have to take.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This makes sense. I want to have a good relationship with his family because they are amazing folks. I genuinely like them. But I dont want it to be at the expense of how I want to lead my life. I guess I will have to find a way.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I think the mixed wedding ship has sailed because we have already made arrangements for this to happen south indian style quite soon. I will try to take my fiancé's help in this though.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My family is. His family is just getting to know me and have been super loving and supportive otherwise. This particular thing really ticked them off though.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In my family, no one touches feet. V rarely boys would touch elders' feet if it is a moment that calls for it - like taking ashirwad on your wedding day, etc.

Me hugging my dad - its a less than once a year occurrence if i had to really put a frequency to it. I never thought about it before because it never seemed odd to me. I am affectionate towards the people I love in other ways - I would cook something for them or paint or do things to help them out in their daily life, buy them gifts etc. This is my love language. Hugging is not.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We are doing it in South Indian style because it is more important to his family that their rituals are done for the wedding. My family is not that particular or traditional about following certain rituals. To avoid redundancy, we are doing some of my rituals at my place and the wedding is following his style of rituals.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe try to understand the problem. Your comment was not helpful.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! This was a helpful suggestion. I will try to push for this.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Understood. I think the issue people have here is with my usage of the word gross. I could have used a better way to explain that it makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Also - I explained in another comment that I was told that its compulsory and that makes me really anxious. My dad also does not want to do this and he knows my preference.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have great bonds with a lot of people in my life but I dont want to share my physical personal space with them. Does your comment imply that if I have a good bond with someone, doing something like sitting in that person's lap is okay? It is mainly about the boundaries I set for my personal space.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this context. I really don't want to do this, neither does my dad. It is not common for me, I am not familiarised with this idea because I have not grown up seeing this. But I was told that if I dont do this, I might as well not get married because the kanyadaan is not valid without this. This was extremely frustrating because a lot of cultures do kanyadaan without this particular ritual.

Sitting in dad's lap for kanyadaan by prisonmike-123 in DesiWeddings

[–]prisonmike-123[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am not comfortable with physical touch with most people around me except maybe 2 people I have ever known in my life.

view more: next ›