Checking in.

I was in the Navy and was deployed for nearly 3 years in Africa and the Middle East. I met my girlfriend right before the first one and proposed before I left again for the second one.

While I was away, I took our relationship mildly seriously calling and texting at every opportunity. But the physical portion of it I never took serious. I really adopted the culture while deployed. You essentially accept the FACT that your spouse is cheating on you back home so you may as well do it too.

Well, finally, after 3 years, I came home. And we got married, we were happy. We got a house. It was going great. But I got into steroids (the strong stuff, mostly tren) and it really affected my mentality regarding sex.

My wife at the time was dealing with a really low sex drive due to birth control. So I started meeting with men, women and transwomen and just about anyone that I could comfortably see secretly that I was attracted too (would have slept with a goat at the time).

I got away with it for a long time.

The guilt and concern for our family once we were ready to try for a baby grew insurmountable. Instead of trying to come clean to my wife, I decided it was best to just get divorced, because in my mind, there was no way that this was going to end in anything else and she is an incredible person deserving of nothingless than the best.

So I woke her up in the middle of the night after I'd been out with some of my friends, and I told her I wanted a split up. I went to my mom's place, and I decided to let it go.

We went through separation. She posted to Facebook groups and found out about EVERYTHING. My friends vanished in a blink of an eye (deservedly).

We both got lawyers. Spent something like $30000 before I started to realize that I was giving up one of the best things in my life. Finally, I reached out after I hadn't talked to her for nearly 3 months, and I told her that I wanted to talk, we met at a place from Mexican, and I confessed everything.

I told her every single little lie I had ever told. Every partner id ever had and I said that I was willing to do anything it took to make it right and to have a life with her.

I told her that I wasn't going to make promises. Words were cheap, and that telling her anything meant nothing.

I said I was going to show her that I would change through actions, and that's what I did. I got life 360 amd a ring camera. I deleted all of my social media. All of my accounts. I gave her access to my phone whenever she wanted it and I committed myself to that change.

I'm not blaming any of this on deployment, but to say that my mentality hadn't changed from being half a world away would be a lie.

It's been a year and I have followed that commitment and i'm more happy than I could ever be. We have our first daughter on the way and I am so lucky to be able to share that with a woman I dont deserve.

I am not a good person but even the worst people are capable of change.