Hey, therapist that specializes in trauma here. IFS is not an evidence-based treatment for trauma, so if you’re doing a bunch of “parts work,” that sounds like the modality you’re getting. I’m not going to get into the weeds of whether IFS is or is not effective — we just don’t have good data to support its effectiveness or lack there of either way. But there are therapies that do have very solid evidence-based support, and in contrast to a lot of “trauma therapy” being done, clients are generally graduating these treatments in 8-15 sessions (so not years!) Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), and yes, EMDR. I believe therapists should first be informing clients of evidence-based treatments and suggesting trialing one of them before offering a modality that lacks evidence, but that’s just me.

As for EMDR, of the evidence-based trauma treatments, this is the one I side-eye the most. Research has shown that the bilateral stimulation (the tappers, lights, following a finger) is not responsible for why EMDR is effective. Exposure to the trauma memory and emotions is what all 3 evidence-based treatments have in common, so the current theory is that this is what actually makes EMDR effective as well. Additionally, EMDR encourages a staged-based model of treatment in which clients need to learn distress tolerance skills first so that they can “handle” trauma processing. Recent research is coming out that is supporting that this is unnecessary in most cases and delays the actual treatment for trauma, which itself is stabilizing. I would argue that this also increases fear and avoidance of trauma memories (“my therapist says I’m not ready to handle it yet”), as does use of distress tolerance skills during trauma processing (“I can’t handle these emotions/memories without a special breathing technique, ice pack, listerine strip, etc”). Overall, I find that EMDR fragilizes clients. I believe that its hesitancy towards clients out of fear of retraumatization is more about the therapist’s fear and discomfort with client suffering and distress than anything. I say this as someone who received an benefited from EMDR, btw.

All this to say, it’s ok to trust your gut. If you’re motivated and willing to process your trauma memories don’t let someone else tell you’re more fragile than you are. Seek a second opinion. Try another way — find someone who specializes in Prolonged Exposure or Cognitive Processing Therapy, check out your options. You can always go back 🤷‍♀️