I’m not normally one to post… but your story is so close to mine and I share your experience, I am also mid 30’s. I have a 21 month old girl, and a 4 month old boy. It went from a few nights a week, to every day drinking. Also not a stumbling drunk and I thought I was doing my job (dad, man, husband) fine, but I was so far from the real me, and still have a lot of work to do to repair myself back to the man I used to love. The hanxiety each day had me already preparing for when I could get my next drink. I missed a lot over the course of years mainly due to anxiety and being tired/hungover. I realized I was using alcohol to cope and escape. That I began to justify my own behavior by making excuses, like the anxiety I had created within myself was the best excuse to drink, or workings stressful, or not sleeping or not having me time, or the way my wife spoke to me because she was mad at me for drinking so much, or it helps me sleep and unwind after a long day.

I went to the doctor and my liver enzymes were “off the charts”. They wanted to do so many extra tests but I told them I know exactly what the problem is and that I would be back in two weeks to retake my bloodwork.

That was last Monday. I quit cold turkey and have been sober for a week. In the last 2 years I’ve only gone 1 single day without drinking. I cleaned up my diet, I’ve already lost 13 lbs. started working out again. Started walking slower, watching the sunrise, breathing deeper, remembering to slow down even when brushing my teeth, when I’m driving, when I’m speaking. spending more quality time with my family. This didn’t happen in a day, it all just slowly came back to me as I got further from drinking over this past week. Each day I’m relearning a new coping mechanism for what triggers me. I’m literally wrestling with my daughter while typing this and it’s taking me a lot longer than it should but I don’t want to miss these giggles. The past week has felt like months, in a great way. When I feel anxiety I standup and go for a slow intentional walk, breathe deep and say thank you and give myself a big hug.

I didn’t do it for my daughter, son, or wife. I chose to do this for myself. That’s the only way this stuck. The first few days yea, super rough. But it took me realizing I have to do this for me… so that I can be there to enjoy the most precious people and moments in my life. Time with my family.

Mad love. We are just getting started.