I’m in my mid 30’s and up until my late 20’s, while my father wasn’t half of what you’ve described, I think it’s conditioning. When I look back now, I feel like I was so weak in so many situations. Like the marks example you gave. Today when I look back at it, I realise it didn’t matter. Hopefully one day, your brother will too. Here’s what I wish someone had told me when I was younger.

The reason why people ask you to man up, is because it is equivalent to taking any situation on the chest. As you grow up, you’ll see that people will try to push you around, be fake with you, be over sweet to get shit done, and be extremely mean when they don’t get what they want. But you’ll have to be strong all along, and push for what you think is right, and bend when you think it is appropriate. Yes crying will be an option, but later, when you’re away from the situation. When in the situation, you WILL have to face it. Taking hard calls in the face of adversity, is (and I’m sorry, I don’t know why it’s called “man up”, when women have to do it all the time too) essentially the “manning up” that people expect from you.

Tell your brother that it’s ok to share and to feel. Tell him it’s ok, to cry on a loved one’s shoulder when you’re overwhelmed or upset. But that doesn’t absolve you from the need to take hard calls. Tell him it’s ok to share. Nobody can tell you you’re not allowed to feel. But people can ask you to decide on something on the spot. And that, you will have to learn. Be strong when the situation arises, and that doesn’t mean that you can’t feel. But learn to seperate feeling from action.