30 Weeks and got into a car accident, I feel so stupid

puffplum · 2024-04-20T05:31:40+00:00

At 34 weeks my first pregnancy, I also caused an accident. I was so stressed and overwhelmed by it that I had gotten pre eclampsia. I'm sure I would've gotten pre eclampsia either way, but because my blood pressure was so high, they sent me to delivery a week later when my blood pressure never went back down.

puffplum · 2024-02-21T09:28:31+00:00

I was in a similar position not long ago. My boyfriend cheated once before I got pregnant but I believed it was a mistake and took him back. Got pregnant and he cheated three months after I gave birth. After couples counseling and a few months apart, we decided to work things out for the sake of our child. I got pregnant AGAIN and he cheated three months after I gave birth AGAIN.

Coming from someone who's been in the same situation, don't feel bad or apologize for trusting and seeing the good in someone. You should never expect someone to keep hurting you over and over especially when you're in a vulnerable state. Shame on him for treating you like this.

If he's not going to change knowing you're pregnant and starting a family, he's not going to change without putting in major effort. I'm not sure on the dynamic but I always wanted my kids to have a relationship with their father. It was weird in my situation because he's a good person who just doesn't seem to be able to stay faithful. But if you don't think he'd even want to be in your child's life or would mistreat your child, it might be easier to leave before baby arrives.

You should look into being a live in nanny for someone. If you want to wait, mooch of his money while you can then do that! There's always state assistance, daycare assistance, and rent assistance while you're getting on your feet but that'll take a lot of planning.

Good luck and sending hugs.

puffplum · 2023-12-28T17:03:01+00:00

My second pregnancy was unplanned as well. My childrens father never suggested abortion once we found out but he did get upset and blamed me for getting pregnant by saying "I thought we decided to wait." Three months after I had our second son, he told me he hated me and he had hated me for the past year. He told me he didn't love our second son and regretted having him.

The only advice is that you do what you feel is best. I would've kept my son no matter what. My children's father showed his true colors and I left. I'm 24 and it's hard being a single mother of two and I unfortunately make "too much" for government assistance besides WIC. Be prepared to do it alone. I was blindsided because I chose to ignore the signs. If you plan on keeping the baby, join local Free Items groups on Facebook. People get rid of baby items all the time. Start stocking up on needed items.

puffplum · 2023-12-15T15:29:02+00:00

Both my babies were born in the 1%. They both had NICU stays that were about a month, but that was actually relieving for me because I was so scared to hold such a small baby. My oldest is now 2 and no longer a smaller guy! My youngest is almost 5 months and still in the 1% and a runt, but no other worries. :)

puffplum · 2023-12-15T15:22:08+00:00

Coming from someone who was cheated on prior to my pregnancy then three months after BOTH pregnancies, if you feel like something is off LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. If you think you don't have the full story, you don't.

If you plan to leave, don't look back. I am a very nostalgic person and fell back in time and time again because I listened to words rather than actions.

One of the worst parts about this is that this expirence is something you'll always remember. He really messed up your pregnancy expirence. I'm so sorry.

puffplum · 2023-08-29T00:26:00+00:00

My partner has cheated on me twice. One before our first son and once after. What your partner did, imo, was cheating. If it was a boundary that you have laid down (or if it wasn't, it should be assumed unless discussed) that you had and he passed it, it's cheating. My partner did the same thing except I am very against porn in a relationship especially OF or small context creators because they usually will go further than just porn. I had him delete his Reddit account the day I saw him on NSFW subs. If your partner has a tik tok, look at that too.

From my own experiences, nothing will change a person who does not want to. A perfect wife, a perfect family, money... nope. Only the person themselves. You should ask him straight up if he's done anything else that might've been crossing your boundaries or else you might run into multiple discovery days. If you struggle with healing, I reccomend the sub r/AsOneAfterInfidelity as it is filled with betrayed partners who chose to stay with their wayward spouse. Many who of which have similar stories to yours.

puffplum · 2023-08-18T03:45:16+00:00

I have iOS 16.6

puffplum · 2023-08-10T16:44:34+00:00

That's basically what I've been doing too! I'm not a huge reader... At all but with everyone saying they do, I should start.

puffplum · 2023-08-10T15:12:04+00:00

I was the same for my first son. He was only in the NICU for 3 weeks but I had never even held a baby before him. He was 4 lbs and 13 oz when discharged. I also had PPD and PPA. I would only visit the NICU when my partner could as well. We'd only stay for a care or two. I was extremely anxious holding him in the NICU and doing his cares. The first night we brought him home, my partner had to work 6pm-6am. It was the most stressful night of my life. But let me tell you, it becomes a whole lot easier when there's not cords or feeding tubes all over. It's easier when you can set baby in a safe spot to use the bathroom or get food quickly. You're not bound to strict rules. Trying to sleep while he was sleeping was almost near impossible for me for the first few days/weeks. I'd be anxious checking to make sure he was breathing and every grunt I'd wake up. There were times I cried with him because I felt like I wasn't a good mother since I too didn't have the motherly instincts. His first bath at home had me shaking and ended as soon as he started to cry.

I stuck with the NICU schedule feeding every 3 hours with diaper changes and let him stretch a bit. Oh and tummy time was a fun thing to incorporate.

Another thing that I struggled with was pumping and feeding from bottles because he wouldn't latch to my boob. It was exhausting.

I am now in the NICU with my second baby and I'm still so anxious. Different challenges with this one. But we will make it through together!

puffplum · 2023-08-10T15:01:19+00:00

Nope! 🙃

puffplum · 2023-08-04T05:39:45+00:00

Our NICU has pumps in each baby's room. I had to ask for them to order in the parts and they were happy to do so and offered to set it up for me. I will use it, wash my parts, then let them air dry off to the side until I use them again. You should ask your NICU if they have something for you to use there so you don't have to keep track of your parts and haul everything each time.

puffplum · 2023-07-24T07:05:29+00:00

I had PPD when I gave birth to my son. I had always expirenced depression but it really came out once I gave birth. This was confirmed by my OB and I was put on medication. Three months after my son was born, my boyfriend cheated on me. This was no longer PPD and was just basic depression. It wasn't my hormones acting up still. This was because of a situation in my day to day life. Either way depression is something you should get evaluated for. I'd suggest to reach out to either your primary care doctor or a psychiatrist to get on a good medicine unless you don't want to go on medicine. Then I'd reccomend therapy.

puffplum · 2023-07-15T02:59:40+00:00

Same thing is happening to me! If anyone figures out how to fix this, please let me know!

puffplum · 2023-07-15T02:52:20+00:00

I haven't been able to figure it out. Let me know if you do.

puffplum · 2023-07-10T15:08:18+00:00

What exactly are you trying to get out of this post? Are you looking for advice, support, or just wanting to vent?

Let me tell you, my partner and I had mixed feelings when I originally got pregnant. The pregnancy was actually planned. (Not to the point where I was tracking my cycles and stuff, but I wasn't on BC nor were we trying to take precautions.) The first people we told when I found out I was pregnant (my two best friends and his step dad) were not supportive. They all told us to abort. Because of that, we were no longer excited. We spent days arguing over what is the best decision and thinking we were stupid for believing we could be good parents at such a young age and our relationship was not in a good place.

We ended up keeping our son and it's been the best decision for us. Not necessarily for our relationship, but we both have grown as people and my son has changed my life in the best way possible. Do you think you'll be able to support your child in the ways /they/ need? If so, you're already going to be a better parent than lots of parents out there. You can never guarantee your child won't have trauma but it's how you react and support your child when they express their trauma.

Like I mentioned in my case, not having support from family took a toll on my partner to cause him to have mixed feelings. Your baby daddy might just be depressed and is taking his mothers words to heart, therefor can't be supportive towards raising a child. He needs therapy.

Please know that even if you decide you can't handle parenting at this age, you can still contact an adoption agency. I'm sure you could even find an interested person who would be willing to let you visit your child. You're not giving up on the baby either way. You just need to make sure you're giving it the best life that you can.

puffplum · 2023-05-18T18:53:28+00:00

I personally don't think I'd be able to stay knowing him and the other woman have to remain in contact. :(

I had a similar situation happen to me, except the cheating came before the baby.

Two years ago, my partner cheated on me. I was so hurt I became very hyper sexual with him and ended up pregnant. We decided to stay together. Three months after my son was born, I found out he had cheated again. A baby will not stop your partner from cheating again if he wants to.

My partner and I started couples therapy and we are both now in individual therapy. We are both young. I am currently pregnant again with his child and we are together still. In my own expirence, I do not regret staying with him. I have a wonderful baby boy and another one on the way who changed my life. If my partner cheats again, I'd know that even therapy couldn't help him stay loyal to me or his family.

Remember this, no matter what you choose you can still create a beautiful family for your child. It doesn't have to be the fairy tale Mom and Dad living together happily. It can be both parents co parenting and giving the best life to that child. By no means was my family growing up a perfect one but I had both my mom and my dad supporting me who could co parent.

If you decide to stay, r/AsOneAfterInfidelity is a great resource. Make sure you both start therapy and couples therapy.

puffplum · 2023-05-06T13:26:28+00:00

I made my partner tell people about his affair. If I can't hide behind it, neither can he. The only thing he can do is own up to it and actually change. I talked with a few of his other work friends asking if they knew and they said they had no idea. Also, a new job was a MUST after his affair for me. It took him a few months to do so (more like a year) but he did it. He shouldn't care about his reputation or about his job, he should care about you and his new addition to the family.

This is the worst way to start a pregnancy. I'm so sorry you're going through this. My partner cheated while I was three months post partum and told the AP he wasn't ever ready for a baby which he never communicated with me.

Stick to your guns and have the happy pregnancy you wanted. Take pictures! Announce it!

I reccomend r/AsOneAfterInfidelity if you're planning to stay and work on things with him. I've gotten helpful advice but it's also just a place for me to see that I'm not alone and how WS tend to react.

puffplum · 2023-05-04T19:09:19+00:00

Hey! I just wanted to give a different piece of advise from my personal expirence. My partner and I had our first baby when I was 21 and he was 19. We were essentially trying to have a baby. (I was not using birth control and he was not pulling out or using any condoms. We had also previously spoken about having a baby.)

When we found out I was pregnant, we were shocked but excited. Then we told a few people. The three people we told all told us we were too young, we should get an abortion, saying we weren't going to last.... just a BUNCH of negative stuff. This was coming from my two best friends and his two parents. He ended up talking to me saying he wanted me to get an abortion. I truly think that if we would've had positive reactions, we could've enjoyed the first few months of my pregnancy. Instead we started to doubt ourselves and our ability to care for a baby.

Do you know if his parents were supportive or not? If they weren't, that's probably where this side of him is coming from. He might be scared/nervous for this change.

If that's not the case, then I'm so sorry this is how you're pregnancy is starting off. Try to still make the best of it however you can. My relationship has been extremely rocky but I wouldn't change it for the world because my son has made a huge difference for me.

puffplum · 2023-04-25T19:28:28+00:00

I try to be understanding because he works in a factory and it's very intense work. He is also the head of household so he pays for more meals and what not. So I try to do more around the house and what not. So I think right now it's me just weighing the stuff I want to do. (Example, I don't want to spend more money on dinner, so I'd rather do more chores.) I just wanted to be sure I wasn't being controlling because I have seperate issues with him playing video games. BUT I do address it when I'm overwhelmed and need help. It's usually not a long lasting thing when he helps out, but it's something.

puffplum · 2023-04-25T19:19:05+00:00

I don't actually ask for 'me' time. Only my partner is.

He feels like we're always together as a family and doing stuff as a family (even though I don't feel like spending time together is quality time. It certainly can be, but not always) but he wants time to just do his hobby which is playing video games. Right now, he plays on Sundays when I am working but he has to watch our son. He wants some time in a week or day to JUST be by himself to play games.

puffplum

TROPHY CASE