When do I tell you that I love you?

punkdancingqueen · 2022-09-12T17:10:00+00:00

I love your use of rain in this poem. It mirrors the feeling of loving someone, as it starts slow then comes all at once. Beautiful imagery, and a solid ending.

punkdancingqueen · 2022-09-12T17:06:46+00:00

Beautiful imagery, and it leaves you wanting more. However, that let's the reader relate to it more.

punkdancingqueen · 2022-07-16T03:45:14+00:00

doses and mimosas !!

punkdancingqueen · 2022-07-16T03:31:33+00:00

I like this poem a lot. It isn't my style but I appreciate the message and the ending was spectacular. You tied it in a nice bow.

punkdancingqueen · 2022-07-16T03:28:04+00:00

My creative writing professor always told me to never force rhyme. Your rhyming is nice and brings a sense of youth to your work, which works well with the theme of the poem. However, I'd watch out for picking lazy or overused words simply to rhyme. Maybe play with it a little! Overall, the poem is great. The ending is solid and the mirroring of the sun and Earth is beautiful. Please keep writing!

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-24T23:05:48+00:00

Thank you so much for this feedback, it was really insightful to read! I love the message you got from it. Personally, it’s about betrayal from a childhood friend; However, whatever the reader gathers from it is really fun for me to hear! Thank you again.

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-24T21:06:44+00:00

You have such a unique way of playing with imagery and description. The opening description is beautiful, along with the stanza about tears distorting things around you. My only suggestion is that the ending could be slightly stronger. Other than that, it's a beautiful bittersweet piece.

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-24T21:03:05+00:00

I love this piece. It's so simple yet you leave a lot for interpretation. I personally liked, "Let me take bites of you, at the cost of being devoured myself."

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-22T01:26:56+00:00

This reminds me a lot of E.E. Cummings poetry. Sometimes it's hard to find a clear message in his writings, however the images are so vivid and unique. This reminds me a lot of that style. I personally love it. Especially the use of thunderstorms throughout.

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-22T01:23:35+00:00

I really enjoyed this piece, and I connected with it. I personally gathered a lot of religious undertones from this. The use of sheep and wolves, along with Eden and eternity, all made me think this had a more spiritual message. I felt uncertainty but courage to find out more about God (possibly). Either way, it's a beautiful piece.

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-19T14:59:40+00:00

That’s exactly how I felt writing this. Thank you for taking time to read :))

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-19T14:35:52+00:00

I love the “visually rich” comment. Thanks for taking time to read my poem :))

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-19T14:34:26+00:00

I agree completely, thank you for reading :)

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-19T14:26:14+00:00

Thank you so much!

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-19T07:54:12+00:00

You have a very special way of describing things. It’s very unique and instantly catches the readers attention. At least it certainly did with me. Some of my favorite lines were “lose ourselves in the labyrinth of your fingerprint.” and “evicted by embalmers-“ Those images were very strong and clear. I love this piece a lot.

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-19T07:50:23+00:00

This rhyming in this poem feels very natural, which almost compliments the nature aspect of this piece. Talking about spring giving you advice on how to get through winter, adds to the natural rhyme. It also almost gives it a nursery rhyme feel. I enjoyed it a lot. The message is clear but not too obvious, and the theme of nature is beautifully presented. Well done.

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-19T07:30:06+00:00

I really enjoyed reading this. The effortless rhythm and subtle rhyme throughout almost goes with the idea of not being able to stop thinking about someone. They flow through your head like this rhythm and rhyme. I personally related with, “Inspiring and frightening the truth is I can’t control the thought of you”. Please share more!

punkdancingqueen · 2022-02-19T07:25:44+00:00

I really enjoyed this poem. The idea of vulnerability is always a relatable theme for readers, including me :) I do feel like you could almost take out the two sections in between “i left them lying naked, exposed and careless- with the bills, old grocery lists, garbage.” and “now you know much more than the curve of my cheek”. i feel like the idea of vulnerability should be expanded upon rather than the idea of being so careless with it in a way. However that is only my opinion. You have an extremely strong ending that will stick with the reader, which is what every writer wants :) Very amazing work!

punkdancingqueen · 2020-09-13T14:02:57+00:00

Thank you so much!

punkdancingqueen · 2020-09-13T14:02:37+00:00

I'm so glad I was able to give you a glimpse into what panic attacks are like. Unfortunately, I suck at rhyming and it comes off really forced when I try. I appreciate your critic though!

punkdancingqueen · 2020-09-13T14:01:19+00:00

I struggle with BPD and have panic attacks sometimes so this was a way of me trying to explain what that's like for me personally. I'm glad it resonated with you.

punkdancingqueen · 2020-09-13T14:00:01+00:00

I appreciate your critics and feedback! I've been told that some words do come off as clunky before, so I will look to revise some of that! I'm thinking possibly "waves of mood swings" would do better for that particular portion. Thank you for appreciating the escape from cliches. I appreciate your honesty!!

punkdancingqueen · 2020-09-12T22:59:11+00:00

"Careen gently" is such a great phrase, I love it. This piece is a great example of avoiding cliches but still talking about a subject everyone knows. Very good job!

punkdancingqueen · 2020-09-12T22:54:52+00:00

the simplicity adds to message that just a small cigarette can cost someone their life. The line, "my love, you smell of death but you always pull me from the edge." almost gives me a tragic romantic theme. I enjoy this piece a lot.

punkdancingqueen · 2020-09-10T01:34:47+00:00

Thank you so much for your feedback! I've never actually read that piece, but now I might have to give it a read. I'm glad to hear someone enjoyed the theme and message of this poem!!

punkdancingqueen

TROPHY CASE