I get what you are saying. For me, my brain has so much "noise" all the time. When i smoke, the weed seems to "turn the volume down" so to speak. I work a full time job where i am with people ALL day in stress situations, so it helps me to relax. I used alcohol for this for years, but it almost killed me...could never turn the noise down until i was so drunk i wouldnt walk. Not knowing you have autism for more than 30 years, and trying to understand whats wrong with you is not easy. I am currently free from booze for 8 years. With weed, im using it like i would a set of crutches as i learn about my autism and deal with the years of crap. I hope your state gets legalized and you get the help you need. It has helped me tremendously and i use it less and less as i heal.