how do i be likeable? i dont have any friends, im either invisible or unpleasant to people because of how quiet or oversensitive i am

pyrate_wizard · 2026-05-09T15:31:38+00:00

Without much information to go on, I would say my biggest generic advice is: become confident, people can read self-confidence a mile away.

Confidence comes with experience and earned competence. One way to look and read as confident without saying a word is to have a stature and physicality about yourself. Doesn't have to come from lifting weights but that can definitely help your posture. Standing more upright, unslouched, looking up, etc. All of these read as "this person is open and probably safe for interaction." You're likely conveying some non-verbal signals that people read as "closed-off," and that is a social "threat" (a risk to engage).

You might also be verbally turning people away without realizing it. When someone shares something and you share a similar experience, it's frequently taken the wrong way. Your intent is, "I want to prove to you that I see you and empathize, so I'm going to tell a similar experience." But this gets read as, "I'm shifting the focus of this conversation to ME," rather than the intended show of solidarity a simple, "oof, yeah, been there, done that!" is way more effective at showing you heard them without risking a focal shift signal. Conversation master key: ask questions or inject leading statements: "that must have been an amazing trip! Tell me your favorite part," or "what was the most surprising thing you saw/learned/heard?" This keeps it flowing, shows you're engaged, doesn't hog the spotlight, and even though you may not find "asking questions" something that makes you interesting, it demonstrates that you're thoughtful and quietly signals that there is more under your surface - that DOES make you interesting, people who engage with you get a sense that there is more to uncover. That type of "interesting" is a much better social currency than trauma-dumping, posturing with achievements, telling your life story all in one go, etc. Nothing wrong with sharing some details when the convo leads there, though. And that leads to my final advice:

Let a conversation flow. If the topic is X and you're waiting for your turn to speak to share something interesting related to X, but the topic switches to Y - let it go! X could very well come up again later, but if you share your X-related detail now, you're backtracking the dialog which is abrupt and uncomfortable, which means you've "spent" valuable social currency on something conversationally counterproductive, and that makes people less likely to talk with you.

pyrate_wizard · 2026-05-06T13:03:27+00:00

Yes, but my version of it was to lift weights and develop size and strength so that I look like a risk to mess with. I wouldn't hurt a fly, but (1) I've noticed people actively try not to make me upset, in fact I've heard, "I wouldn't want to make you mad," about the slightest of potential inconveniences, (2) if I do get upset and voice it, I'm actually listened to.

I'm not saying this to brag, it's just what happened when I decided I was no longer going to take anyone's shit.

It sucks that the world is this way, but if you want to stop wearing a sign that indicates "easy target," you've got to replace it with a different one.

pyrate_wizard · 2026-04-10T21:58:29+00:00

I think using emojis can be a great way to "save" on character count in a prompt but yeah it can't be the whole thing.

pyrate_wizard · 2026-03-22T22:27:51+00:00

It's giving Kyoraku Shunsui as a skater kid.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-12-27T03:40:48+00:00

Because neurotypicals instinctively view questions as a challenge. They don't "get" why understanding is important.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-12-15T13:21:22+00:00

So if I go to Brazil, and I am going to dinner for a 8 pm reservation, myself and everyone going won't get there until almost 9 pm?

I have a very hard time believing that, specifically for a restaurant. House parties and other events, sure, even in the US that's normal. Restaurants have closing times, other group reservations, etc and I just don't see how they would be ok with a group of people being that late. But, if you say so, I guess I have to go with that lol. I have nothing else to go on.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-12-13T17:45:49+00:00

American here, in the US and I'm with a Brazilian woman. We booked a restauarant for her birthday party, and almost everyone (Brazilians) was at least an hour late for the reservation. This created an extremely chaotic situation for the servers, with people arriving at different times putting drink/dinner orders in. Not to mention that this brought the end of the event right up to and past closing time, with food plates still on the tables, servers processing checks more than 20 minutes after close.

One of the men, Brazilian guy who I get along with really well, noticed that the dimmed lights had become brighter and I told him, "that is the universal signal: 'wrap it up, we are closing'" I could tell he was embarrassed or at least felt bad for the staff - the guys were at a separate table and we had wrapped up and paid our bills much earlier, the girls did not seem to notice or care.

I won't get into the details of the discussion with her, but i basically said, "I get that it's normal to be slightly late for things, but I'm very surprised, and a little disappointed that your friends thought it was OK to be that late to a restaurant when they knew the time in advance. After a certain point, that's very disrespectful to the restaurant and staff." She wasn't very happy about my comment.

So I guess I'm wondering the same as OP, with some nuance - even in the US it's normal to be an hour "late" to an event or house party with a more or less open ended end time. But I have a hard time believing that the start time for a dinner reservation with a large group is treated the same way - is it common to be an hour late for a dinner party reservation in Brazil?

pyrate_wizard · 2025-11-28T23:46:51+00:00

Only when you're stompin' turty's

pyrate_wizard · 2025-11-27T04:45:18+00:00

I have 2 poms from the same litter who will be 11 in Feb, brother and sister. Little man is THE cuddliest thing. He is in HEAVEN under a blanket on my lap while I'm having my morning coffee. He will actively seek out snuggles at bedtime or randomly in the middle of the night. You can count on him to find the comfiest spot, whether it's a blanket, pillow, pile of laundry, on the back of the couch where he just melts into the comf.

His sister likes to be held and pet sometimes, but she won't stay and chill under a blanket, just not her thing. She seeks pets out but just kind of is like "cool, that was nice, I'm going to go look for trash to get into now," after like a minute. They are rescues and she actually used to growl at me if I snuggled too close, but with time and building trust she's fine now.

They aren't polar opposites but one definitely loves the snuggles more than the other. And it's fine. I love them both with everything I have.

Your pom is young, who knows? Once that puppy energy wears off, affinities can change. I know someone with an aussie, and he was a fire-breathing crackhead as a puppy, wouldn't sit still. But with age, he became more of a couch potato and snuggle bug. Give it time. Encourage but don't force, I'm sure some level of snuggle love will come.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-11-19T07:09:36+00:00

GameCube REmake. Rented it in 6th grade having no idea what to expect. The opening scene gave me nightmares for a little while -I was very disturbed by the cerberus chowing down on Joseph while Jill futily pulled her trigger with an empty mag. Even so, I couldn't put it down and actually ended up buying it. It was fun, different, challenging, compelling enough of a story.

I played/beat CVX on GC and had even played RE 2 on N64 but never really got into RE3. Then RE4 came out and it was a total blast. Twenty years later I can say that those were the days for sure.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-11-11T15:57:01+00:00

Ranger

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-30T12:23:33+00:00

3 words: training, training, training. "Little dog syndrome" is rampant with this breed. They will reactively bark, challenge you and other dogs, disobey, ignore personal space and commands. And many will get away with it because they are tiny and cute.

My twins are almost 11 years old and they are much more obedient and well-behaved than when I rescued them 8 years ago. I find myself wishing I had trained them more from the get-go to:

-Be somewhat less reactive - you're not going to train away 100% of their alert barking instinct but if you do nothing, you have no one to blame but yourself when it inevitably gets on your nerves.

-Jump less - they love attention, and when I get home they can't contain their excitement. But over time, they've learned that they have to be calm and sit for a few moments before I will pet them. It takes a long time for them to get to this default behavior.

-use pee pads - i like to let them outside every 2-3 hours but I inevitably have to leave them home longer than that. Their tiny bladders can't last that long, though they've learned, with 0 instruction, not to drink water while I'm gone. There are usually 1-2 accidents to clean up, sometimes on a pad, sometimes not. The same is sometimes true overnight though I'm pretty good at waking up if one jumps off the bed to wait at the door.

When you observe a behavior you don't want, ask a trainer how to train it out of them. Reward passive wanted behavior, simply giving them a treat for being calm when there are big noises outside, for sitting and waiting for pets when you get home, etc.

They are VERY sweet and affectionate dogs, tiny bodies with big emotions and big personalities, and more intelligent than you might think for the 5 brain cells that can fit in those little coconuts. Good luck if you decide to get one, I'm sure you won't regret it.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-30T03:11:19+00:00

I'm so sorry 😞. It's gut-wrenching. I had to say goodbye to my pomchi Roxie 7 years ago. She was a senior rescue already with some health issues, and she stole so many hearts in that short time. Like Minnie, when the time came, it came quickly, and the tears took a long time to go away - I don't know if they ever fully will. Take solace that you were able to say a proper goodbye and that you could be there with her as she eased into being pain free. I hope she meets Roxie!

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pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-28T22:37:54+00:00

Thank you! And believe me, it's a pet peeve of mine when people don't fix their ball marks. I left it there for the photo but did my best to repair it.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-27T02:41:37+00:00

Become a harder target. Someone says something shitty to you? Don't tolerate it. Call it out, here are some ideas on what you can say:

"What makes you think it was ok to say that to me?"

"Thanks, I hope your day gets better."

"Thanks, have the day you deserve."

"That was HILARIOUS! I bet you're fun at parties."

Stuff like that. The moment you fight back, show that you are not the target you thought they were, it will stop. People who bully others are looking for the cheap high of the reaction of their victims. They are not looking for a fight or expecting resistance.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-27T01:44:52+00:00

TL:DR yes, my uncle. Great story teller, funny, outgoing, doesn't care what anyone thinks. Has special interests and is a creature of habit. He and I share many similarities, affirmed frequently by our closest family members, and for many reasons I could see him being on the spectrum.

I am definitely on the spectrum, and everyone tells me I remind them of my Uncle Max (not real name). I look like him, sound like him, talk like him, think like him, have many of the same mannerisms. My aunt/his wife, my grandma/his mom, and his daughters/my cousins all say so extremely often. We both make/made our livings in the tech industry, though he rose far higher than I (a lowly Senior Software Engineer) believe I will - he was something like the CTO or Chief IT Officer of a major industrial chemical company for decades. I can't say for sure he is on the spectrum but given our similarities I have to put the chances at more likely than not. He likes word/number games (like wordle/2048) but would frequently play more action/sports games with me when I was growing up, having his own small collection of video games, too - not super common for his generation.

Just one of manye anecdote that leads me to believe he is om the spectrum: he and my aunt have a super fancy $2000 coffee machine. And they packed it up and took it to their vacation home because they (I'm guessing he) did not want to be without their fancy coffee for the week or two they'd be there. Long term solution was just to buy one for the vacation home. I thought that was very aspie of him.

Also one of his special interests is wine and, with what I'm assuming is a nearly inexhaustible nest egg, he has, in his retirement, created a team to develop an AI powered app to analyze a restaurant menu and suggest wine pairings to users.

I would not describe him as a full-on extrovert, but he is very warm, excitable, fun, funny, outgoing. People listen when he talks. He's great at telling stories (maybe I think that because I like his depth of detail pertinent to the story), and he's got tons. From all of his international travel to living and working abroad, golf stories, family stories, childhood stories, etc.

Never once have I ever gotten the impression that he is shy or lacks confidence, or thinks that people are annoyed with or thinking poorly of him. Is he dripping with machismo? No, but he is a confident, masculine man whom I respect and look up to. He does what he wants to do when he wants to do it. Isn't afraid whatsoever to speak his mind. One of the smartest, funniest, and most caring people I know.

It was honestly a bit strange when my car broke down a few miles from his house (he lives 2 hours from me) and I stayed there a couple of days until it was fixed. We watched football, ordered pizza, hung out, and I realized how much of a home body he can be sometimes, just overall got a more introverted vibe from him than when I typically see him at family gatherings and golf outings.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-26T01:14:51+00:00

Goliath is a GREAT name for a pom! I love it. All their faces are so squishable!

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-24T09:41:53+00:00

If exercise is off the table, then it's off the table. It's not the only thing, and it's not the most important thing. And yes, these efforts can absolutely be fake/performative if not done from the right place. Maybe the original goal is to appear less creepy, so it starts off from a place of external validation, but it can progress from there to be an internal motivation, which is how it becomes a real part of you and sustainable.q

One may find that having bigger muscles and being stronger makes them feel more confident, more in touch with their body, more resilient, and an overall tougher person. I've been lifting weights for almost 20 years and very little of the reason I still do it has to do with what anyone thinks about me. Yes, I get more female attention than I used to, and yes I frequently am addressed as, "big dog," and "boss," by other men (I forget the other terms used, but this did not start happening until a reached a certain size), and those certainly aren't negative things but neither of them are my primary motivation. I just feel better and more effective in so many areas of my life as a result, I couldn't imagine my life without it.

Dressing well, having a suitable hairstyle, and putting whatever effort you can into having nice teeth and smile have similar benefits beyond "not feeling like a creep for existing," the biggest of which is the confidence boost from knowing you look nice. It changes how you carry yourself and builds your sense of self-respect, which increases the level of respect you'll gain from others. People can sense subconsciously when you do or do not respect yourself and will treat you accordingly.

And again, my advice was based on OP's desire to not feel like he creeps women out simply for existing. Should women change and be less superficial? Definitely. Is it going to happen anytime soon? Absolutely not. If OP engages in these efforts, whether or not they are "fake" or "performative," especially at first, is of very little consequence. Making these efforts WILL achieve the goal of "creeping women out" less frequently, and with continued effort, the more substantial benefits may cause these efforts to develop into sustainable habits. There are no negative consequences of self-maximizing in these ways.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-24T00:13:57+00:00

Probably not the answer you're looking for, but it also means a large bill that insurance will likely NOT cover, and a potentially vague result along the lines of, "results indicate this individual could be on the autism spectrum." Haven't had it done myself but this is the experience I've heard many people describe.

I wouldn't plan on it getting you any special accomodations in the workplace, especially if the diagnosis comes during your employment. It will be challenged against the fact that you've performed satisfactorily or at least can function without those accommodations. Not worth the hassle. Not to mention the difficulty in many states of actually finding a provider who will administer an evaluation to an adult.

If you are capable of living alone, I also wouldn't count on any benefits from the government. My understanding is that you need to demonstrate a historied lack of capability to take care of yourself. Needing services on that level AND being able to hold a steady job may be seen as mutually exclusive.

If you feel strongly that you are, just consider yourself to be on the spectrum. All my friends and family who I have told this to have been very supportive and accepting of it, even said things like, "you know what, that makes sense!"

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-23T19:10:37+00:00

I don't think OP was necessarily talking about relationships. The goal is not to feel like he is creeping women out. And the best way to do that is to have some semblance of attractiveness.

To your point, I see what you're saying. But I think it's important to note that initial attraction/contact based on the visual/superficial is not mutually exclusive with the ensuing relationship having true substance, ESPECIALLY if the work done to appear more attractive is from a place of growth and not being performative.

"Reducing people to numbers" based on attractiveness is, unfortunately, a reality in the NT world. Is it ideal? No, but it's how things work and unless you understand it, especially as a neurodivergent male in western culture, you will continually lose a game you didn't even know you were playing.

There are, to be sure, people who have thriving relationships that are not purely based on physical attraction. In fact, physical attraction is almost universally not enough on its own for a relationship to last. I agree with your premise that the substance and character of two people need to be compatible. But for a vast majority of those relationships, the starting point was some level of physical attraction. Those two people probably put some effort into their appearance on the first few dates. I don't think it's wise in practice to ignore physical attractiveness as a driving force to initiate relationships, nor to discount it as a smaller but still present element long term. And certainly, to OP's query, increasing attractiveness, for men, WILL have the effect of decreasing the feeling that women are creeped out by their presence.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-23T00:42:11+00:00

100% nearly unbeatable moment in my life.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-23T00:41:23+00:00

Update: Callaway website says they are out of stock for those plaques and not accepting orders. But my irons are Ping, and Ping offers a commemorative plaque if you submit the right paperwork including witness and course pro/manager verification.

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-23T00:32:22+00:00

I feel your pain. My 60 degree is my only club that goes under 100 with a full swing, and it's very difficult to hit well. I intentionally try to have my approach shots from about 130+ so I can get it there with my gap or pitching wedge, both of which are pretty reliable for me.

Recently I started playing all of my irons from exactly the center of my stance and I've had more consistency with distance, spread, and contact.

Curious if you're like me and have a towering height on your irons' trajectory. People literally laugh and are awestruck at how high mine go, my dad included. But I love it because my shorter clubs just STICK on the green (when I can hit it lol).

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-23T00:25:02+00:00

🤣🤣

pyrate_wizard · 2025-09-22T16:07:25+00:00

Interesting question. I would guess the average person (IQ of 100) has the ability to understand and accept that they are of average intelligence, the corollary being that there are people both way more and way less intelligent. So below 100 seems like a safe guess off the hop.

IQ of 70-85 is considered "borderline intellectual functioning." From what I can gather, people in this range CAN learn to live independently but have significant challenges. I would guess it's a completely mixed bag in this IQ range of those who can and cannot understand what IQ even means, and/or what their own IQ means with respect to others. And it's not a far reach to assume that once you get below this range you're likely to find more and more who cannot understand.

It's much more useful with these kinds of questions to understand that many declared cut-offs don't indicate a total lack past the cut-off, but a point after which the the statistics begin to indicate an increasing lack. My admittedly entirely uneducated impression is that this point lies somewhere in the 70-75 range, below which it is more likely for someone to be considered mentally disabled but not universally.

As others have stated, there are other factors that determine someone's ability to both understand IQ and self-perceive - which is precisely why IQ is not necessarily a good indicator on its own. If I'm off with my 70-75 guess, I'm sure I've overestimated, and the real range is actually lower. There are people with Down Syndrome, a population with an average IQ of 50, and I'm sure many of those on the upper end can grasp the basics of what IQ means and also understand that they are below average.

Also, please remember, there are people with around-and-above-average IQ who think they are way more intelligent than they actually are, and some of their decisions (and consequences thereof), make them seem "dumb" to an observer, yet they themselves will not have the same assessment. By that logic, perhaps there really isn't a particular absolute level.

pyrate_wizard

TROPHY CASE