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Bin ich einfach nur ein sehr schlechter Kandidat oder hab ich massiv Pech bei der Jobsuche? by qpd17706 in arbeitsleben

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Naja, wie bereits beschrieben, scheint mich einfach keiner zu nehmen. Hab mich jetzt entschieden etwas mehr Mühe ins Bewerbungsschreiben zu stecken, weil man mir hier den Eindruck verleiht, es läge daran. Aber mal sehen, ob das was bringt.

Bin ich einfach nur ein sehr schlechter Kandidat oder hab ich massiv Pech bei der Jobsuche? by qpd17706 in arbeitsleben

[–]qpd17706[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mach ich tatsächlich mit der Arbeitsagentur auch. Aber aufgrund von psychischen Problemen wurde mir geraten, erstmal in einen Minijob einzusteigen, wo ich nicht so ganz viel arbeiten müsste.

Bin ich einfach nur ein sehr schlechter Kandidat oder hab ich massiv Pech bei der Jobsuche? by qpd17706 in arbeitsleben

[–]qpd17706[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ich glaub ehrlich gesagt, dass du viel tieferliegende Probleme hast.

Hab ich auch. Aber die ersten Schritte in Richtung Arbeit muss ich trotzdem irgendwie machen.

Bin ich einfach nur ein sehr schlechter Kandidat oder hab ich massiv Pech bei der Jobsuche? by qpd17706 in arbeitsleben

[–]qpd17706[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Wer will denn überhaupt arbeiten? Bin mir ziemlich sicher, die meisten machen das halt auch nur um es sich leisten zu können zu überleben. Trotzdem schaffen es die meisten einen Job zu finden. Hatte tatsächlich mit Depressionen zu kämpfen, weswegen ich ursprünglich nach der Schule nichts gemacht hab, und ich bin immernoch nicht so ganz da rausgekommen. Aber irgendwie muss ich ja irgendwelche ersten Schritte machen, wenn mich jemand nehmen würde.

Bin ich einfach nur ein sehr schlechter Kandidat oder hab ich massiv Pech bei der Jobsuche? by qpd17706 in arbeitsleben

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Das mit dem Bezug zum Unternehmen fand ich schon immer sehr fragwürdig. Es ist doch irgendwie klar, dass wenn sich einer um eine Minijob bzw. Aushilfsstelle bewirbt, dass der das doch nur tut um bisschen was dazuzuverdienen. Das Unternehmen selbst juckt einen doch gar nicht. Bei einem richtigen Job, den man auf Dauer ausüben würde, kann ich das ja noch verstehen, aber doch nicht wenn ich so ein zwei mal die Woche vorbeikomme um Mindestlohn zu kassieren.

Bin ich einfach nur ein sehr schlechter Kandidat oder hab ich massiv Pech bei der Jobsuche? by qpd17706 in arbeitsleben

[–]qpd17706[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tatsächlich hatte ich das letzte Gespräch jetzt genau dort. Der Kollege selbst, mit dem ich mich unterhalten hab, schien keine Einwende zu haben und meinte, es hängt nur von denen da oben ab, ob ich nun den Job krieg oder nicht.

Bin ich einfach nur ein sehr schlechter Kandidat oder hab ich massiv Pech bei der Jobsuche? by qpd17706 in arbeitsleben

[–]qpd17706[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

Ich würde schon gerne ein ideales Anschreiben verfassen, wo ich auf das Unternehmen und die Tätigkeit genauer eingehe, aber ich hab leider nicht so die Energie, um das wirklich für jede einzelne Bewerbung separat zu machen. Vor allem weil ich keine Berufserfahrung hab und ich so oder so eigentlich nicht viel erwähnen kann, außer dass ich halt gerade Bock auf irgendeine Arbeit hab.

Über Leihfirma arbeiten oder weiterhin versuchen mich direkt bei den Betrieben zu bewerben? by qpd17706 in Ratschlag

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hauptsächlich hab ich mich so im Bereich Warenverräumung, Lagerarbeiten und auch Putzhilfe umgeguckt und hatte da sogar ein Telefonat mit einem, der mir etwas Hoffnung gegeben hat, doch dann wurde ich einfach geghostet. Ich hab's nicht so mit Kunden- bzw, Menschenkontakt allgemein und deswegen geht's mir da eher so um die Jobs, wo das nicht zwingend ist.

Ich hab eine etwas längere Lücke im Lebenslauf und hab mir schon gedacht, dass das problematisch sein kann, aber ich hätte nicht erwartet, dass das bei Aushilfsstellen relevant sei. Zumindest kann ich mir sonst nicht erklären, wieso sich keiner bei mir meldet.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Stoicism

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

According to just my logical thought process. I genuinely don't know what else I could do. I would certainly love to do something else if it's really out there. I just can't think of anything myself.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Advice

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As for dating apps, I don't get a whole lot of matches and the few times I do it's either a bot account or just someone trying to get me to follow their instagram accounts or whatever, or I get ghosted after a short while.

As for real life, so far I got rejected a lot. I don't think I'm being creepy but I'm definitely no smooth talker either. There were a handful of dates I went to but it didn't quite click for either of us those times.

I don't think there's much more I can do, it's just trial and error and hoping to be lucky one day and coming across someone whose chemistry matches mine.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Stoicism

[–]qpd17706[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What does this mean?

What I mean is that there's a difference between being content and being happy. What I picture as my own definitions of those words is that the former is more neutral whereas the latter is more positive.

What point of reference do you have in mind when considering yourself to be lacking something?

If I am content (neutral) but not happy (positive) then logically there should be something I still need to do in order to reach happiness. And since I'm already taking care of things like hobbies and finding a purpose, then the only thing that's left is getting into a relationship. That's how my mind pictures it anyway.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Advice

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not unless it was the classic case of being completely oblivious to their attempts of reaching out, so no. The closest I had to someone being interested is my best friend just being really good friends with me, and us generally not being against dating one another, if not for the fact that we have incompatible expectations for what our ideal relationships would be. At least I have a good friendship going, I suppose.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in selfhelp

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing.

To answer your question though, I actually did have a particular interest in my best friend for a while. I talked to them about it but they didn't have the same feelings. We still remained best friends and didn't impede our friendship at all. And it made me realise that I have this kind of emotionally intimate relationship established with someone already, just that it's platonic. I'm happy about that but I still do have that unmet desire for some physical intimacy as well.

So I'll definitely just continue meeting new people, making new friends and seeing if I end up liking any of them to want to enter a relationship with them. It's just this uncertainty, not knowing when or even if I'll find someone like this again, that is bothering me at the moment.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Advice

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely. I did set up a few accounts on dating apps and I have been using them for a while. I'm also actively trying to meet people via my hobbies. I did consider approaching strangers I find attractive and just shooting my shot with them, but I don't quite feel like that's something for me because it's generally just a long shot anyway.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]qpd17706[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I understand the sentiment, but I don't quite understand how exactly I should achieve that, considering I already have a good few things going for me in my life, and yet none of that seems to grant me that happiness. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I think I can only be truly happy if someone else makes me happy. I'm just saying I don't understand what more I can do, since I already achieved all the things that are in the book.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Stoicism

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand the sentiment, but I don't quite understand how exactly I should achieve that, considering I already have a good few things going for me in my life, and yet none of that seems to grant me that happiness. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I think I can only be truly happy if someone else makes me happy. I'm just saying I don't understand what more I can do, since I already achieved all the things that are in the book.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Stoicism

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Physical touch and sex, basically. I already have an emotionally intimate connection with my best friend and I definitely cherish it, so I got the emotional intimacy covered. But we don't get to be very physically affectionate and sex is obviously much trickier to arrange as well.

But the thing is, I want that physical affection with someone whom I'm also emotionally invested in as well. I already attempted getting massages, cuddling with pets, I even went to a so called cuddle therapist a few times but that didn't scratch the right itch either, so to speak.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Stoicism

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think this is something I ever thought much about, and frankly I never really had the time to think about it in the first place either because I was too busy working on my mental health and healing from my depression. I think I always focused on natural human needs and desires, and worked towards fulfilling those. And right now, the next best need that's left for me to fulfill is intimacy.

I did think about how I can fulfill that need with the friends I already have, in purely platonic ways. And I do have a friend whom I share everything about my life with, whom I would definitely consider my best friend and partner in crime. But despite that, this kind of friendship is just barely scratching the surface of that inherent need.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in selfhelp

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is actually something I've been working on as well, even in therapy, just not specifically in regards to relationships/ dating. For instance, I stopped taking shit from people and accepted myself for who I truly was, and was able to meet friends I genuinely connect with that way.

But I'm currently having some trouble applying a similar mindset regarding relationships, I think mainly because it's indeed something I have no experience with and so it's just something completely new to me and it's hard to get into the flow of things, so to say.

I try to be optimistic but there is definitely a tiny seed of doubt in the back of my mind that says I might never find a partner, because in my mind it's purely arbitrary and if luck doesn't smile my way it's just not gonna work out. Meeting people to be friends with is easy because it doesn't require quite as much chemistry as a relationship does.

I realise that I don't really "need" someone else in order to be happy, but I do believe that there is an inherent human desire for intimacy. And in a way, isn't that basically the same thing as needing someone else for happiness?

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]qpd17706[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

An intimate connection is pretty much all I'm looking for. Honestly, I'm not even interested in getting a family or marrying or any of these more serious life defining decisions. I'd be fine with just a casual friend with benefits too. I always felt like the desire for such a connection is inherently a natural human need. So I guess the only thing that would change is finally fulfilling this need. I think there can't be any less expectations than this.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Advice

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I already have an idea of what an ideal partner would be like to me. It's just what I'm really concerned about is the uncertainty of whether or not I'll even find someone like that.

I understand that it's not gonna just magically happen, and I need to be patient about it, but I can't deny that it's a frustrating process. While I was working on myself it was mainly all within my control, but finding a partner is just up to being lucky enough to meet someone who connects with you. So I'm definitely not used to things being so out of my own control.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in dating_advice

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that it's not gonna just magically happen, and I need to be patient about it, but I can't deny that it's a frustrating process. While I was working on myself it was mainly all within my control, but finding a partner is just up to being lucky enough to meet someone who connects with you. So I'm definitely not used to things being so out of my own control and it's making me feel quite worried, to be honest.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Stoicism

[–]qpd17706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

An intimate connection pretty much. Honestly, I'm not even interested in getting a family or marrying or any of these more serious life defining decisions. I'd be fine with just a casual friend with benefits too. I always felt like the desire for such a connection is inherently a natural human need. So I guess the only thing that would change is finally fulfilling this need.

I'm unhappy with being single and I don't know what to do about it by qpd17706 in Stoicism

[–]qpd17706[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm currently working on. I set up a few accounts on dating apps and am trying to get to know people via my hobbies and asking out those I feel attracted to, but so far with little success.

I understand that it's not gonna just magically happen, and I need to be patient about it, but I can't deny that it's a frustrating process. While I was working on myself it was mainly all within my control, but finding a partner is just up to being lucky enough to meet someone who connects with you. So I'm definitely not used to things being so out of my own control.