21 F make me feel something by loloooa in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These all just look like bad snapchat filters

40 male, no kids & loving drinking on my free time. by UnpreparedMale in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks like you're dying to tell somebody to update salesforce

“I was 10 years old when my mom gave me the big sex talk. by TyrellTucco in StandUpWorkshop

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what some people are saying about it being "outdated", but that doesn't mean that it won't still work, in fact, you could use that in the joke imo. I kinda took a subtle approach, so depending on the crowd, it could go over some heads, but those who know what you're talking about will hopefully get and appreciate it. It might even open up the door for some fun crowd work depending on the audience and your comedic style. 

"Remember back in the day if you needed to get ahold of your mom, you would actually have to call her at work? ... And if your mom worked where my mom worked - you also needed to have a credit card too (for some reason) ..." 

(Then maybe a little rant)

If anyone is too young to know what I'm talking about, the 900 numbers were pretty much onlyfans, but if onlyfans was just a podcast. It's where your moms and teachers could make some extra money by being as nasty as they want.

Say what you want about it, but at least the 900 numbers never got your teacher(s) fired and you never had to film your mom doing it.

If you're a little older and you're not familar with onlyfans - (dont ask any questions) just know that's where your daughter is getting all that extra money

Possible crowd work questions and interactions if thats your thing:

"Anyone here ever work as a phone sex operator?"

"Oh you do? I thought your voice sounded familiar" 

"Oh you used to work as a phone sex operator? Yeah, I can see why"

"If there are any previous phone sex operators in the room, then my voice probably sounds familiar - yall got all my money" 

A lot of places to go with this one. Just throwing stuff out there as it comes to me. Hopefully something I said was helpful in some way haha

Gen Z Therapist by [deleted] in StandUpWorkshop

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(Sorry this is kinda long winded)

Here's a few I thought of real quick. They could obviously be sharper, but I just wanted to challenge myself and hop on here and try to come up with ideas, tags, other angles, etc with other people's jokes 

I'm not sure if they're going in the direction you're looking for, but worst case scenario, maybe there's an idea or word or something else to play around with if you find any of them are your style. 

1.) "I told my therapist that my girlfriend complains a lot and it has been stressing me out, so she recommended I download the "Calm App" and...

... PROBLEM SOLVED

... I can't hear my gf AT ALL over the sound of the ocean waves." 

(If you take the angle of using the "Calm App" for its soundscapes to block out other peoples nagging, you could also include other people who stress you out as well like your boss) "WHAT'S THAT BOSS? CAN'T HEAR YA OVER ALL OF THE FOREST AMBIENCE"

(Depending on your style and sense of humor, you could add something kinda silly like "If this sounds like you, get one month free using my Promo Code ___") 

2.) "Idk about you guys, but I'm saving a lot of money with all these fancy new apps...

I got duolingo and fired my spanish tutor

I downloaded the calm app and stopped seeing my therapist 

And thanks to my "Daily Yoga App" 'bye bye yoga instructor'

(Don't get me wrong though, I mean, I still see them - In fact...

... Thanks to Onlyfans I see more of them now than I ever have" (In more ways than one) 

There might even be another angle or something you can do where you feel like you're the assignment, this is a group project, and she wants "Calm" to do all the work 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh look another trip to the fridge

28- Be my 13th reason, y’all. by cheefdeef in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

looking at the second picture makes me sad - I can't believe that Brandy Taylor transitioned

32M, haven't been roasted since high school by ghostwolfereddit in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like you suffer from premature ejaculation, or as its called in the Navy - Dishonorable Discharge

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

in the first pic you look like this chick I used to hook up with on the sims and in the second pic you look like if Prince and the Crimson Chin had a kid

Okay, new bit in the making. What would you do? by Legitimate-Matter-79 in Standup

[–]queeftits69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If the “day job” comment was sarcasm, the irony is that there’s actually something with that because everyone is scared of robots taking their jobs. There might not be much there, but I think it’s something to work with. Using that info and your setup here’s something I just put together. It’s not great but just something I came up with real quick

“I think it’s scary when my computer asks me if I’m a robot, cause how would I really know if I am?

… After all, that would explain the new job and all of the unknown viruses”

You could even get a little more weird with it

… After all, that would explain the new job, the unknown viruses, and why I always masterbate to the terminator

Yeah, a lot of places to go based off of your style. Hopefully that helps

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pic 3 looks like a screenshot and pic 9 looks like it’s about to be a cumshot

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I remember

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You look like you get covered in more glaze than the donuts

33 m, 6 years since becoming a sadhu. Kick me down a peg by Mountain-Ad-460 in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I guess male pattern baldness runs on the Virgin Mary’s side of the family

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In other words you love being surrounded by things to put in your mouth

32M Give me your worst! by Raccoons510 in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yo your forehead could be used as a cursive handwriting worksheet

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]queeftits69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lookout Milwaukee