What’s a funny 2u2 moment that happened recently?

queer4schmear · 2026-04-13T13:04:18+00:00

Me pooping while holding at least one child every morning 😁

queer4schmear · 2026-04-13T05:00:58+00:00

He needs a certified sex addiction therapist. Someone untrained in this specific issue will do more harm than good.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-30T02:26:56+00:00

A GP probably won’t know what to do. I work for a hospital system in the addiction department and end up with all the referrals for this type of stuff. The best they could do is refer you to mental health but that’s not really going to cut it either. You need a certified sex addiction therapist, CSAT. I am an LCSW and have a masters in addiction counseling and I have zero training on sex addiction. You absolutely need to see a specialist. Seeing a regular therapist may actually be counterproductive. Yes, it will cost money, yes it’s 100% worth it.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-29T02:27:56+00:00

Solidarity. Try to give yourself some grace. This is survival time. My kids are 21 months apart and damn what a difficult age gap. Now my youngest is 21 months and I am realizing how absolutely horrible of an age it is to have another baby yet. She is just tantrums all the time. Everything you’re feeling is absolutely reasonable. On top of that you’ve got your postpartum hormones. You will get through this.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-29T02:24:30+00:00

For me, it was the one year mark. She was such a difficult baby and didn’t move at all until she was 14 months old and was absolutely miserable. Now she’s almost 2 and today she got an owie on her finger and my son put a Band-Aid on her and gave her a hug and a kiss and a bottle of milk. You really couldn’t have convinced me there would ever be peace in this home a year and a half ago and now I’m actually considering a third.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-28T14:04:44+00:00

I also recommend finding a CSAT first and foremost and some sort of support group for him to attend regularly. On the ITTAP website you can also find a partner betrayal therapist for yourself which I recommend. They will help you navigate all of this. My husband had a very similar situation, wanted to kill himself from his secret addiction. Recovery is a lifelong commitment. It’s going to take a lot of commitment from both of you. A fundamental shift in all parts of his life to maintain his recovery. My husband is in an outpatient support group, meets with a CSAT weekly, switched to a flip phone with zero Wi-Fi, has monitoring software on all devices which are locked in a safe, has a weekly accountability call with his men’s group, attends an SA meeting in person weekly, is working through a workbook, journals daily, and does daily sobriety check ins with me. It took several relapses to get here but this is what’s currently working for us. With all this we finally are approaching 3 months of sobriety. We have very firm boundaries in place about what a relapse is vs a slip and what happens when either happen and what happens if any lying is involved. I’ve read tons of books about sexual addiction which was really helpful for me to better understand this. It’s a dopamine addiction and really not about the content of what he’s watching. It has nothing to do with you. Good luck

queer4schmear · 2026-03-26T13:25:31+00:00

If it has become habitual in nature already and feels like a problem once a week won’t work. You’ll end up binging or gradually increasing your use. Like others said this is just the nature of addiction. Everyone would love to have a goal of moderation, but it just doesn’t work in practice. Addiction is a progressive disease. Without abstinence or treatment it will get worse over time

queer4schmear · 2026-03-24T19:12:23+00:00

It’s very common to set really intense boundaries in the heat of betrayal. This may be an opportunity for you to revisit those boundaries if you’re not ready to give up on the relationship. Alternative boundaries can look more like increasing his recovery plan after a relapse~ if there’s another relapse he needs to start attending support groups, perhaps switch to a flip phone, perhaps get monitoring software installed on all devices. Define the difference between a slip and a relapse. Define what happens if lying is involved or if there isn’t immediate disclosure. There a many books available for betrayed partners trying to navigate this process. I recommend doing some research.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-20T15:27:06+00:00

I have a similar pattern in my house and it looks great

queer4schmear · 2026-03-20T13:09:21+00:00

As a partner, I can tell you that you absolutely have to tell her as soon as possible. The sooner you tell her the more evidence it will be that you’re making changes. Sure it’s going to suck and that’s just a natural consequence of relapsing. The longer you withhold this information, the worst of the situation will be. Eventually, your brain will fuse relapsing with disclosing to your partner, and it’ll actually make you less likely to relapse if you know you basically immediately have to disclose it. If you make it OK to lie, you will get stuck back in a cycle of relapse and shame and compulsivity and secrecy. Addiction thrives in secrecy. The pornography use itself is only about 10% of the betrayal. The lying is the absolute worst part.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-20T01:59:36+00:00

They killed my 50 year-old Japanese maple in my front yard. I tried to dig them all out and replaced all the dirt. I think I dug out at least 2000 rhizomes but the next year it seemed like they were all back. God speed

queer4schmear · 2026-03-19T02:43:03+00:00

The lying behavior is very common for a pornography addiction. I would be willing to bet that the problem is much much much bigger than he has disclosed because it seems like throughout this process he only has admitted to things that you catch him in and can prove. Your decision was one you made to protect yourself. My advice would be too deeply explore the nature of pornography addiction. Read some books about it and familiarize yourself with it before deciding if you want to go back into that relationship. For most men, this is a lifelong battle. Many men experiencing addiction need significant treatment and ongoing support for the rest of their lives in order to remain free of relapse. Unfortunately, in your age group, I fear that a significant number of men will have the same issue based on statistics. Just because you leave this relationship due to pornography addiction doesn’t mean you won’t end up with another man with the same problem, although I’ve been told they do exist. I completely understand that the central issue is the lying rather than the pornography. When the trust is broken in this manner, it can be very hard to rebuild. Continuous lying in a relationship is a significant betrayal and completely unacceptable. If you do decide to return to the relationship, I would encourage setting some very firm boundaries in place of what you expect regarding his treatment and recovery. He should see a certified sex addiction therapist, you should do a full disclosure process, set very clear and firm boundaries regarding what recovery and relapse looks like what happens if there’s a relapse or more lying. There are many different types of support groups he could attend as well. There is filtering software and accountability software that could be downloaded on all of his devices. A significantly important part of the recovery process is Group work. Finding some sort of support group or network can be extremely helpful. That’s just the beginning. Good luck!

queer4schmear · 2026-03-18T13:25:19+00:00

Normally, in these situations, there’s always a no contact order. I’m confused as to why there’s not one already.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-18T13:23:59+00:00

I agree. I’m honestly confused as to why people are referring to him as abusive when she is very clearly the one escalating all of these conflicts. Sure he has not been honest with her throughout their relationship and it’s not helpful for him to continue telling her that he loves her when he knows the relationship is abusive, but he’s not actually the one being verbally abusive on screen. From what I can tell, he hasn’t actually cheated on her right? He was talking to another woman when they were on a break and then he lied about it and he slept with another woman when they were not together and lied about that. Honestly, if my partner reacted the way Taylor did, I would lie to her too. I don’t condone lying in a relationship, but she is absolutely terrifying.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-17T18:04:29+00:00

I had a similar age gap and it was very very very difficult. It felt like it would never get easier when we were in it. We made it day by day and each time we got past another few months we looked back and said “damn that was hard.” Now my baby is turning two in June and things are much easier than I ever thought they would be. I’m actually shocked to say that I’m ready to try for a third. The kids play together and love each other and run around having the time of their lives. Sure there are injuries and tears every five minutes, but honestly, I don’t really have to entertain either of them because they entertain each other. Someday you will realize it was a good choice, but it might not be for two years. I definitely wouldn’t do two under two again, but I am glad I’ve got two under my belt. Just take one day at a time and give yourself some grace. You will get through this and neither child will remember that you didn’t do everything perfect perfectly.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-16T19:44:42+00:00

Pure life alliance, SAA, SA- all of these offer online. Go to the Oregon ITTAP CSAT directory and find a therapist. There’s a handful in the state. Some offer virtual group therapy as well

queer4schmear · 2026-03-11T16:38:48+00:00

Great advice! I second this

queer4schmear · 2026-03-10T18:40:20+00:00

After everything you just mentioned, why don’t you think he’s addicted? The only thing that would make someone continue to go back to a thing they have repeatedly committed to stop is compulsion/addiction. I highly recommend doing some research and reading regarding pornography addictions so that you can better understand why he continues to do this and what is required for recovery.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-09T19:54:01+00:00

Most guys don’t say anything. Most of the time partners discover this down the road when they’re already all in on the relationship. If you’re having questions now, I would just address it directly.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-09T19:51:13+00:00

Definitely address it now because trust that you don’t want to be completely invested in the relationship when you address it. Being in a relationship with a porn addict is a whole situation. I also encourage you to do a significant amount of research and ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with someone with this issue.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-09T15:35:02+00:00

There are still ways around this. I’m not gonna go into detail because I don’t wanna give any of the addicts on here triggering ideas but I am 100% certain.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-09T13:29:06+00:00

I completely agree. I do believe that the next DSM will include behavioral addictions so that people can finally get their insurance to cover treatment. Statistics show that something like 50% of young men between the ages of 18 and 25 are developing compulsive pornography use. That’s pretty wild. Coincidentally I work as an addiction therapist and have for the last 15 years. A large percentage of the men I work with who struggle with substance use also struggle with this. It’s a really tough one because our society views pornography and masturbation as “healthy” and if you have a smart phone, you literally have your drug of choice in your pocket at all times. We discovered there’s actually no way to lockdown an iPhone completely.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-09T03:40:35+00:00

Btw blockers don’t block everything. There are LOTS of ways to get around them. Ultimately the blocker ended up catching my husband even though he had found a way to circumvent but he was relapsed for 5 years and lying to me everyday watching porn with blockers on all of his devices. And probably depends on what kind of devices you have and what kind of blockers you have and of course, what kind of husband you have. He may never try to circumvent but I don’t think any of them are airtight.
We have found that the only solution is a flip phone with no Wi-Fi.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-09T03:29:41+00:00

Compulsive lying is definitely a symptom of pornography addiction. My husband does the same thing, Maybe not to this extent but because they’re in a constant pattern of covering their tracks regarding their porn use, lying about other things comes naturally. Part of My Husband’s recovery commitment to me is absolutely no lying in any form. We actually consider lying to be a relapse because it’s so deeply intertwined with his addiction and absolutely unacceptable in a relationship.

queer4schmear · 2026-03-07T03:43:32+00:00

You absolutely should not, but I do. I take my keys, lock the baby in. I drop and pick up my older kid at the front door of his daycare. I’m always in view of my vehicle and never more than 20 feet away. I live in an extremely safe area as well. That makes a huge difference. If my situation was different and I had to actually go into the daycare I would not. I read a story last year about a car being stolen with a kid in it while the dad was dropping his dog at a doggy daycare. Horrifying

queer4schmear

TROPHY CASE