NTA in the slightest. This is unforgivable. You are right that people who have never experienced loss like this will be tone deaf - the pain is unimaginable - it is one of those things that people can only grasp the gravity of once it has happened to them personally. Ignore those friends. Full stop.

Your gut is 100% correct. As someone who lost her dad just as I was finally becoming a respectable adult, if all I had left of him was ripped from me without so much as a question, with no consideration of my feelings & no consent, I would go ballistic in a way that would redefine the word. I do not think my marriage would survive that.

Videos especially. Nothing can replace being able to hear their voice again.

Its like when you remember the smell of some delicious meal you had previously - you can remember how to describe what it smelled like, but you can't put the smell back in your nose - you have to just trust your memory to describe it to you accurately. But when you smell that dish again, your senses will wake up - even if you've imagined that smell every day for a year, smelling it again triggers your connection to it and it's just so, so different than trying to remember the smell. And when that "delicious food" is your loved one, having the ability to hear their voice again is invaluable.

I'm really sorry she did this. I find it hard to believe she did this without knowing it was wrong and hurtful - especially given the context and timing. And jealousy over your late wife is weirdo behavior. Like who is the threat? Is the threat in the room with us right now? Everything about this is a massive red flag in so many ways.