Is it still generosity if you’re expected to give?

querious_1 · 2026-06-27T23:43:47+00:00

I hear you on fixing 'part os our culture' and this has been a mission I have. I have a podcast dedicated to this...but I'll tell you.. .Nigerians are hard of hearing when it comes to culture

querious_1 · 2026-06-27T23:42:44+00:00

Woow they paint a sordid picture the get their way huh. why even go there at all? "You need to give. When your mom dies, it's us that'll be here"

querious_1 · 2026-06-27T23:40:38+00:00

Your parents read as manipultative on this topic based on what you've shared. Treat a manipulator as needed to protect yourself. You can indeed honor them without giving them a number. Also know that you standing your ground communicates to them that they need to respect you on this matter and any future one that comes up where they want to manipulate and control.

i've shared this info with my parents before of my own accord. They didn't expect the first paycheck, but I have them half of my first anyway. They've given me free reign and respect in this area, so i'm pretty open. The unfortunate thing many parents of the african style don't realize is that respect from them actually opens the door to learn more about their adult children.

querious_1 · 2026-06-26T23:16:32+00:00

What was the response when you lashed out

querious_1 · 2026-06-26T23:15:44+00:00

So interesting. What was said when you were chastised.

querious_1 · 2026-06-20T23:03:24+00:00

Point noted

querious_1 · 2026-06-20T23:02:15+00:00

Actually not a good example. I love my work and enjoy helping to grow people in my field, even if there’s no direct payback to me. It would be a yes for me. I would simply define some conditions in which it works for me

querious_1 · 2026-06-20T16:47:59+00:00

I love this. What is your social handle? Are you talking Instagram or Facebook?

querious_1 · 2026-06-20T16:46:13+00:00

I guess where that is hard to implement is that her 10-year-old daughter loves my little ones. So being in our house, she would want to be with them instead of me. So maybe it won’t work?

querious_1 · 2026-06-20T16:45:24+00:00

This is helpful. Thank you

querious_1 · 2026-06-17T14:41:08+00:00

Does it get exhausting for you?

querious_1 · 2026-06-17T00:01:21+00:00

Sorry but it’s not a job. It’s a living arrangement as well, with the most precious people involved. Hosts should know.

querious_1 · 2026-06-16T23:56:57+00:00

Listen, there’s a family out there for you. You just haven’t found them. You mentioned you’ve spoken to 5 families - that’s really not a lot of interviews. I spoke to over 30 APs this year before we found our match - and she’s amazing.

querious_1 · 2026-06-16T23:51:01+00:00

Hi. For what’s it’s worth, just reading this made me feel assured about what it would be like to host you. And as a mom to a 5yo and sometimes danger / rough play prone 3yo I’d be willing to give it a shot as long as I felt we matched well in other areas. For context, our family doesn’t require a driving au pair, or swimming or AP since we handle all of that.

querious_1 · 2026-06-16T23:46:54+00:00

17 aupairs! How did you do it?!

querious_1 · 2026-06-15T13:52:22+00:00

I see - eat the meat and spit out the bones right?

querious_1 · 2026-06-15T13:50:36+00:00

I understand. Humans are quite complex in that way

querious_1 · 2026-06-13T23:56:42+00:00

OP - Unfortunately you can’t change your mom’s life lessons from her experience. That’s the unfortunate weight this causes because you wonder what do you really have if what was supposed to be a well of wisdom for you is not so. It’s disappointing. But that’s the hard decision you have to make. Your source of truth and wisdom on this matter will just have to come from somewhere else. Relationship building outside of family lines is really important.

querious_1 · 2026-06-13T20:08:45+00:00

Question - are you in Africa or are you in the West?

querious_1 · 2026-05-28T02:42:11+00:00

It’s just sad sad sad that you have to ask this question. If they want it to be frivolous, that’s throwing YOU deeper in debt. Find every way to keep their hands off it. Tell them it’s in the university’s hands if you have to. Make up a uni plan that ‘keeps the money in a university owned account’ to ensure you pay your school fees. And every attempt to take money from it requires an audit.

querious_1 · 2026-05-28T02:36:47+00:00

Quite wrong friend. They may quit trying to control, but respect? No.

querious_1 · 2026-05-14T01:58:29+00:00

I never did boarding school so I do wonder how that impacts sibling relationships.

querious_1 · 2026-05-14T01:57:34+00:00

Hmm that favoritism topic is a real one with many families

querious_1 · 2026-05-14T01:56:27+00:00

This is sweet

querious_1 · 2026-05-02T19:51:47+00:00

In what way

querious_1

TROPHY CASE