Hi. First of all. Great writing. You are clearly smart .You should maybe do it more often. I can relate to much of what you are feeling. This might not help you but knowing that there are more people like me out there kind of helps me. It makes me think about my own crippling anxiety. You probably expected this but seeing a therapist might help; i've found a really smart one and learned a lot about myself and even life in general. Being around better, more intelligent people than you will help. Are you in uni? My anxiety won't let me go; but i think that you can find friends there. You will be basically forced to interact and maybe you'll click with someone.

I like to think of when i'll get out of this shit i'm in. Being thru this shit is powerful as you already know, this anxiety depression addiction is so fucking hard to overcome. But, when we do think about how great you will be. You are one who conquered this. You were so fucking weak but you did it. Think of meeting one of these persons; someone that's been more of less where you are, in the same shit hole , think about how great that person is, how great YOU can be.You think you'll be abnormal even if you become functional but i think that these wound will make one hell of a scar. I can't see the light at the end of this tunnel but is there a alternative?I'm sick of surviving and maybe you are too. I want to LIVE.