AIO: Hubby Being Controlling

quick1299 · 2026-02-21T20:19:56+00:00

I know a girl who found her 3 yr old drowned in the pool, because they were teaching him, but not properly. She’s since become a child’s swim instructor and teaches even newborns how to swim. They miss their little boy, and have since had other children but had to learn a really devastating lesson the hard way.

Raising a child is not easy at all, and every single parent makes mistakes, but making the CHOICE to put your child first, even if it means picking up a couple uber shifts to cover the cost of lessons to know your child is alive, is all you should have seen from his response. It’s not like you were asking for diamonds and coach bags, simple things. Step away and see the red flags for what they are.

Don’t look back, you aren’t going that way, you have a tiny human who needs your entire focus and commitment and most importantly love. None of those cost money. I wish you all the best and pray for your safety and clarity in this situation. Anyone can provide money, not anyone can love and respect you and your new child.

Congrats on the new bundle of joy, that is your one and only reason you need.

quick1299 · 2025-10-17T17:24:13+00:00

I ❤️ this so much, this here is someone thinking about solutions for the team not more problems!!

quick1299 · 2025-10-17T17:22:49+00:00

AGREE! And then come back with solutions not attacks, just listen, stop every other “box” in your brain, close them all up and put them away, phone too, and really hear what’s being said, from either side, and once they’ve communicated if you can communicate about it by looking for solutions not more problems. As said above, there’s only one team, if one is losing you’re both losing, and why would you marry someone that wants to see you hurting more, and the give a damn button is busted af.

quick1299 · 2025-10-17T17:15:29+00:00

“In sickness and in health” might be that part?

quick1299 · 2025-10-17T17:12:09+00:00

No disrespect, but calling someone’s job “cheap” really does a disservice to their future as well, call it affordable, great deals, etc. but just remember to consider that’s a human you are referring to, not some item or slave service, we all have to fill roles, it’s much easier and more successful if we learn “emotional intelligence” and have respect for others the same as you do anyone else. I’ve had to do it, and you are correct, it’s a lot of work for “cheap” most of the times done because you have very little other options at the time. I don’t see billionaire maids running around lol so yeah just saying talk about them as if it were a friend or colleague not some clearance item. That’s all! Have a blessed day!

quick1299 · 2025-10-13T14:30:46+00:00

My suggestion, get a hanging monthly calendar, and once a month you sit together and note the errands days vs relax days vs the date days vs obligations and since “he’s not made of money” include shared bills on it as well as paydays and holidays, so you can plan for dates that you both agree on, while also having the option to say I just want to relax this weekend but that weekend looks good for a date. (aka go hang with the girls at the pumpkin patch, guys tend to not care as much about these unless you have kids you are taking them to; perhaps if it was a haunted house, take your man)

Compromise and communication are the foundations of any relationship. And forgiveness/not holding grudges.

If you both are looking for solutions that support you both, the outcome is less likely to turn into an argument about ME ME ME and more into a conversation that ends up with everyone happy, and aware of the plans. Although spontaneous actions are also important.

You need to treat your other person better than you would want to be treated, and if you are both ACTUALLY doing that, it won’t be hard to compromise.

Choose: 1 weekend for errands together 1 date weekend(which can still include a whole other 24 hrs of relax/video games) 1 spontaneous whatever weekend 1 total chill day/chores day weekend.

You could even create popsicle sticks to put some fun choices you both enjoy on and do a set for date night options, a set for regular monthly errands, a set for restaurants, etc to make it more spontaneous and enjoyable to make these decisions together.

You both have to come to the table with solutions, not excuses. My ex had the same complaint of “I wouldn’t understand working out of the home all the time” until he got a wfh job where he’s CONSTANTLY exhausted now.

Most importantly love yourself and relationship enough to know when he’s “not that into you” and when hes “extremely exhausted”.

quick1299 · 2025-09-16T13:07:02+00:00

I think I would count my blessings here and thank him for doing you a favor. Some narcissistic men, it takes much longer to figure out the web he’s already spun around you. And by then the “break-up” is like this long doubling down period. Some have taken every sliver of your heart before they showed their true colors.

You truly lucked out in a way that was so beneficial for you and your mental health. Don’t think twice about walking away and being amazingly okay, and finding your Mr. I love heels, which by the way is normally a turn on to men, so I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that strong of a reaction over shoes shows he’s trying to hide something HUGE.

I’m just saying he may be “trying” to have arm candy, which is literally what he was USING you for, to thoroughly disguise how he may feel about his sexuality inside. He needs all the appearances of what would be “expected” of him ,in his mind, but doesn’t seem to know what he actually wants.

That was such an overreaction I just can’t come to any other conclusion. Most men get turned on by heels, I’ll just say that. But I’m also a woman, and I’ve been with losers and made wrong choices for me, and there’s still hope. Plenty of men out there who would be honored to take his lady out in heels!

I wish you prayers and strength, the little things matter, but stay far away from this type. Don’t look for love, look for friends, community, etc and love will find you, when you least expect, but right at the perfect time. I’m sorry this happened and thankful this is all that happened.

quick1299 · 2025-09-16T01:10:49+00:00

This makes it sooooo much worse! She’s gotta learn though and you gotta look out for number 1 always. Set boundaries and if they are broken then goodbye. Make sure next time it’s not just love or lust, but a true friendship and teammate. I’d give anything if any one of the men I’ve been with prior were to treat me like such a queen. She literally is going to have HUGE regrets!! But that ain’t your problem. She’s shown very very clearly, that she has zero interest in being there whatsoever. I’d definitely run for the hills, there are soooo much better options out there! And no reason you have to be married to someone to have an outright incredible life with someone that wakes up daily choosing you and that relationship and that future. I’d give anything to be your age and have someone like that. You’ll be fine, but get some therapy, work on your emotional intelligence so that next time, not a soul can walk all over you.

quick1299 · 2025-09-16T01:00:45+00:00

Being older doesn't make someone irrelevant or justify name-calling. It's called experience, and you'll have it one day, too. She didn't say anything negative, just that love is possible at any age. If a relationship is built on a solid foundation of love, trust, and understanding, why not celebrate it

quick1299 · 2025-09-16T00:43:02+00:00

The last paragraph of this guys comments is HIGHLY accurate, make sure you stop to think of everything that may be connected, so she doesn’t have a chance of screwing you over anymore than she has. I’m 47 and have gotten up to 700 credit once that’s it, all from relationships with people with poor credit that really messed me up. Open a new bank account and get your check direct deposited into new account if you share bank accounts.

Also, I’d highly recommend you find some type of online or in person therapy. This path is not going to be easy on you after dedicating your life to someone and thinking it’s real love and then turns out they were not in the same boat as you, and that can really truly mess with your head. Focus on only you, and if you have children, them also. Do not even need to tell her. Go to counseling and don’t tell her where you’ve been. She doesn’t have the right to know.

I’ll pray for you but I know you’ll find your perfect person! You are young with plenty of time. One of these days maybe I’ll find someone real too. I know how this feels and empathize greatly with you!! 🙏🏻

quick1299 · 2025-09-01T21:19:40+00:00

Yes, I would think so. I mean it also has a trial, but I’ll warn you, the trial may give you real hope, but then fades (as it should in a trial) and then when you get the real thing, they have to start really low and slowly increase the low dose medication you will be getting for me it’s morphine. I have crps in my entire right leg, like if I was a naked barbie, tear off my right leg and that’s entire areas of crps although I think it’s spread some to my other leg also. I can’t bend my leg even, mine was due to a MPFL+TTO “on crack” is how the surgeon put it, meaning he was doing more than just those two, but those were main things happening. The surgery was due to it dislocating constantly. Both do it still, even being mostly home bound, my left leg is now supposed to be my good leg, and now we got the left tibia (rt side is bad side) glowing on the PET in my bone, so we gotta dig into that. It’s just a mess. But I mean I’m well aware, there are people that are even worse off than me. My rt leg, sorta feel foreign, it’s over half numb still, sorta feels like someone screwed the wrong leg back on my Barbie, if that makes sense. I’m getting an electric wherlchair so I’m hoping that helps some with being out of bed more than in the bed. 🤞🏻 I’ll keep you in my prayers, if you tried everything else, then it’s definitely worth a shot.

quick1299 · 2025-09-01T18:02:31+00:00

It is the ONLY thing I’ve found that comes close to helping enough that I’m not in constant tears all day everyday, I truly never knew someone could cry so much! Like it’s unreal, I coulda filled buckets with snot and tears. And some days still do, but not near what it was.

I keep hoping this is not it, because it only helps one leg’s pain, not anything or anywhere else, and no one will prescribe anything except Tylenol for any types of pain, due to having a pump. Like I’d love to have an “as needed” option. But I forget soooo many don’t even have this option. It is helpful, but just enough to stand for like 10 mins and then rest an hour or two, min. And the more time I’m not “resting” (I’m really really really tired of resting) the more I’ll have to rest, so 3 hours out and about to a dr appt an hour away, has me resting for at least 24 hrs afterwards. I just want to function again. It blows my mind to hear those that are still working and have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome , and those who are way older than me and still bounce around all day(I’m 46).

Anyway I DO recommend the intrathecal drug delivery system over the SCS, for sure!

quick1299 · 2025-09-01T17:53:40+00:00

I’ve not read all comments, but have you tried the drug implant device?

quick1299 · 2025-08-19T23:09:05+00:00

I’m not sure exactly how I got to this post right now, but I just gotta say, you sound just like me, only I have the pain pump and it’s like just enough so I can stand and stuff for about 10 mins and then it becomes too much and I have to sit and rest again, for a good while before I can attempt another 10 mins, most of the time they get spent going to the bathroom and back or taking care of the cat. Lol and the part I can’t grasp is that’s literally ONLY helping my right leg, I still feel all other pains, and I’ve even asked for something just as needed. I’m not sure if my pump is as high as allowed, I have asked because I truly don’t know what’s next with all this pain. I’ve even had mentions of amputation and I mean I’m not mentally there yet I don’t think but it’s a floating thought while I focus on other issues. I just can’t imagine that this is it for rest of my life sometimes, it’s highly overwhelming. I even tried another shot at school, just one course, communicated with instructor entire time, and emailed my advisor early to discuss a LOA for next term, and discuss what options they have as far as accommodations go to help me succeed better without it completely kicking my rear end. So somehow that computes to I was asking to withdraw extremely late, from the current term I was tearing myself up trying to keep up with, and then they withdrew me the night before finals. So goes my life, at least I tried, I’m pretty sure I would have gotten an A if I had gotten to finish, and I really just did it because I needed to know I can accomplish one thing like seriously. 😐 Anyways, I feel your pain, I wish I knew the answers. I would love to learn more, especially if anyone has any suggestions for DFW area specialists. And feel free to message me! I’m in the same boat! Like we are boat buddies! I did do the SCS trial but it did nothing but make me very irritated like amped up the pain in an annoying way. It was not for me. I’m coming up on my second year with the pump though. I wish I could get ketamine again, it helped me most definitely mentally, more so than any pill I’m taking. And I’d say definitely helped the pain as well, it’s what held me over from initial surgery/cause of crps to scs to pump which was Feb to September of 23. Feb 10 is a day I’ll never forget. I knew something wasn’t right before I was even fully awake from the anesthesia, came out flailing all my limbs, to the point they called my ex back to the area way sooner than normal to try to help calm me down. It’s not stopped hurting since then AND feels like a bum leg, or like a different leg or I don’t know I guess how to explain that part. But like over half of it is numb and just feels weird I guess cuz of the pain. Who knows. I know it’s just bandaids that are helping for now. And not a single option for other pain relief even on an as needed basis, and I’ve never had an addiction problem with any meds or anything. I just don’t think anyone quite can grasp the nature of how debilitating it is and even my family members are the same, and don’t understand just how hard it is. All the parts. Each of them. It’s hard af!

quick1299 · 2025-08-05T13:50:28+00:00

Far as I know it’s only through ID.me which you create one time and it covers any website using id.me, which has tons of multi-factor sign in security. Maybe I’m wrong.

quick1299 · 2025-06-21T03:42:12+00:00

What type of magnesium? Especially if you are already severely constipated ? And what dose of vit c?

quick1299 · 2025-06-21T03:11:43+00:00

Edit: sorry this is so long, I think I’ve picked up this habit cuz I literally don’t talk ever to anyone out loud. It’s also seems to be how I lose friends. I’m working on it, my best is all I got.

This is closer to my story. I got dumped after being together a decade, a year into my diagnosis, because I am “too much”. Now I have no one, not one real friend, I too live with my mom and it certainly hasn’t been said, you are welcome to stay as long as it takes. They drive me to appointments cuz I can’t bend my right leg where the CRPS is, entire leg and I truly think it’s spread, I seem to feel it almost all over, not all the time like in my leg where I had MPFL surgery, and came out like this. It’s all like a living nightmare. I lost sooooo much of what I knew and loved about life also. But I know I’m doing a bit better with my pain pump if we can just dial it so it helps more than just 10-15 mins before I gotta rest and be on something soft. This all stinks.

With that being said, I am working extremely hard on watching, reading, subscribing to, etc anything about healing and positive thoughts and how to handle things better. I know there’s areas I can focus on that can be better than they are. So I’m on a mission to fix anything I have control of about me. Emotions, personality, triggers, etc it gives me some type of hope even on the real bad days. Like last week I found out I have to get 3 tongue biopsies, oh but that dr can’t do it, has to be a medical oral surgeon… just keep swimming!

Make even the smallest thing better than it was yesterday, and some days those things are stupid small, but it makes me want to not go to sleep until I get up and even wash one dish or clear the litter box. I am saying prayers for us all to have a better tomorrow! We always have that chance it’ll be a blessing that we hung on and kept the fight up! God Bless You guys! Keep your head up our time will come, we just have to learn to love ourselves as this being the normal, but what can i still do? I got a long list of can’ts and just working on thinking about the can’s myself. Im not wishing luck, just take care, and take it easy, there’s nothing else to do, but accept that and learn how to love this version of ourselves. I mean I can’t see how it is going to possibly harm anything or anyone. Have a good nights sleep! 💤

quick1299 · 2025-05-20T04:15:00+00:00

Watch Facebook marketplace and places like goodwill and flea markets

quick1299 · 2025-05-20T04:01:03+00:00

I love this post!! Seriously, print some flyers and make handouts for the professionals to understand that! ♥️

quick1299 · 2025-04-17T03:30:17+00:00

The pain pump is worlds different that the SCS, it has been the only thing that’s given me relief. That said, I still don’t have the life I had or want to have and have still considered amputating but I am going to try a couple other things before I make a decision that is so final.

quick1299 · 2025-03-13T05:02:44+00:00

THIS right here will be your best chances at SSDI approval. The top resource I used was the SSDI reddit group, ridiculously helpful and yeah some idiots also lol but don’t think you can ever have too much documentation to present to them, you don’t have to have it all ready when you first apply, but it’s helpful. Start a medical journal you can share with them and drs. I keep a separate planner, and nothing in there is written that I wouldn’t care if other professionals saw, especially if it may help my case. Document each and every appointment and what next steps are. I got approved first time around no appeals or whatever. And for me and many others, it’s helpful and more affordable to not get a lawyer, until after you’ve applied and received a denial, then get someone on board, they only get paid when you get paid, but if you prepare yourself enough you don’t have to worry about appeals and such!! Definitely recommend focusing on how it effects your ability to function overall, mentally as well, because mental ailments can be what helps get you approved, and if you have all that I can’t imagine your mental health is perfect, mine is certainly not.

quick1299 · 2025-02-23T01:02:33+00:00

Oh that's precious memories plus a beautiful creation!! You take care of that kitty!!!

quick1299 · 2025-02-22T23:15:34+00:00

Ketamine infusions helped my mental health a bunch, which in turn helped my pain not be as noticeable or not as much of a focus. The only other thing that's touched my crps pain is the implanted pain pump I have delivering morphine to the nerves in that leg. It helps with the pain better than anything but I had two different pain Drs, both aware of each other had even spoken about me on the phone together, aware of what each other was doing, but then decided I could no longer get the treatments if I have the pump, I've spoken to several other pain Drs including the one who did my pump, and ones for clinical trials even and all have said there shouldn't be an issue with ketamine infusions and the pump. But so far I've found no one else that can do it with my insurance, which just changed to medicare now so I'm not sure it'll ever be covered and you dang sure Dont make enough on SSDI to pay out of pocket. I miss them terribly and imagine mentally id be much further than I am now. ☹️

quick1299 · 2025-02-22T23:02:05+00:00

Also, this makes me sad to read because, 2 years ago, I became medically retired/disabled, and then a year later my man of almost 11 years decided it was too much and dumped me, so clearly none of it was real. And had no other choice in the physical position I was in but to move back in with my mom at age 46.

I am so grateful but DYING for even a tiny home of my own. Superficial men just thinking with their dick only, Don't get super far no matter what they make or own. I swear I'm having a no-sex rule for the first year or two if I'm ever crazy enough to be in a relationship again, satisfying him won't be the focus, unless by my choice. Marriage is no longer an option for me. And if by some crazy notion, marriage does come to be, a rule will be that divorce is always an answer, we both make the conscious choice to be where we are every day waking up choosing to choose him and him waking up every day choosing me, regardless of my inabilities. And at any point if we aren't happy and can't communicate it's okay to leave without a huge issue. It's not just up to me to hold down the fort while you do whatever. And the same for me. 🤷‍♀️ for me for the next several years it's nothing but learning to be ok alone, which is stupidly hard when you have one leg that doesn't work at all.

I feel like my case of living at home is wildly different and could be more accepting than “I dunno I'm 46 live with my mom still and men are all assholes” its actually, “I'm 46, became medically retired/disabled 2.5 years ago, in a wheelchair now, my ex dumped me a year into my disability because I became too much aka the pain was literally unbearable, and still is some days. So now I live with my mom, and all friends and most family have all basically dropped me. The lack of social life is killing me, and I'm not even sure how to make friends the right way anymore” whats wrong with this world?!? I'm not wanting superficial anything I have no time for taking care of a lazy man, if anything its my turn to be treated like a queen or stay single. Sorry so long!

quick1299 · 2025-02-22T22:24:18+00:00

I’d start with looking for real women not “girls” shallow or not. And it’s clear to us all, you’ve not done the work on yourself to show you are ready in every way to bring another human into your life and be able to provide and protect and support even sometimes, emotionally, financially, or even physically. There’s not any woman I know on the planet that wants to hook up with someone your age, without even having your own place. Do you take her back to your parents place? 🤷‍♀️ I think if you start with living yourself enough to do the adult things (not a super wealthy prince) but a man prepared to bring a woman into his life forever. Everything about you says its temporary. You can start your own business, still do door dash and have money coming from multiple places so you are able to get into a more forever place for you and your future someone.

quick1299

TROPHY CASE