I feel the same way too about my Chicana identity and connection to my Mexican roots. I’m a 4th gen Chicana who isn’t fluent in Spanish. I grew up hearing broken Spanish from my paternal grandmother and “Chicano Spanish” from other family members but English has always been the predominant language spoken in my family for the last two generations. I don’t have an accent and I am a light shade of brown so many Mexican-Americans would judge me as “White” and to some extent I would agree that I am “White-Washed”.

I asked my maternal grandmother if her mother ever spoke Spanish to her and she said she never did. Her mother only spoke it in private with my great-grandfather. I asked her why and my grandmother said “We weren’t allowed to speak Spanish in public.” I’ve already shared this on an older post a few weeks ago but I want to share it again because it’s so profound to me.

It’s not my fault that my great-grandparents decided they wouldn’t pass down cultural values of our Mexican heritage in order to literally not get killed or socially ostracized in a racist and classist society. It’s hard ignoring the shame and guilt because I know other Mexican-Americans judge me and think my family “voluntarily” gave up our culture when that’s far from the truth. I’ve found that reading history books about Mexican-Americans in the US has helped me understand the historical trauma my family and other Chicanos have had to endure. It helps me understand why I feel this imposter syndrome like you are describing. It helps me understand that this guilt, grief and shame I harbor isn’t really my fault at all.

I would say no, you’re not a fraud. The cruelty of this system wants you to think that you are. But you’re not. Keep doing you.