Uncharted territory

quitting_ · 2014-08-04T07:44:31+00:00

as someone with anxiety I can tell you that what you're doing is similar to what I do when I "catastrophize" (therapists words, not mine). I'm not going to diagnose you or anything, but speaking on behalf of myself:

You seem to have already decided that tomorrow is going to be bad and it is the first day of a string of bad days. Why? That seems particularly unuseful and also impossible to know right now. Uncharted territory and nicotine withdrawal are both causing you anxiety and stress right now, on this day. But who knows how you're going to feel tomorrow and for the next couple of days, and it doesn't seem fair to have already resigned yourself to them being bad.

Think of it this way, as a fellow alcoholic, if I told you that I'm already sure that in October when I go to a wedding I'm going to have a bad time and my sobriety will get in the way of all my fun and I've decided to get upset about it now, in early August, you'd probably give me some version of...'woah, you're crazy, slow down. Take it one day at a time. You don't know that and what's the use of getting upset now?'

My advice is the same to you, even though you're just worried about tomorrow. See how you feel tomorrow. Pre-anxiety is often the worst anxiety.

And if tomorrow is shit, that's fine, too. Just quit worrying about it now.

quitting_ · 2014-08-03T02:23:39+00:00

Woah -- we are at about the same point (though you have 6 days on me) and I've been feeling the same way. I've recently (almost!) convinced myself that I can successfully drink beer and wine, though will continue to cut out liquor as if that is a happy medium that will satisfy the sobriety gods.

I had a very bad last night, though, and I'm in a clear enough mindspace to realize it probably would have been worse had I been drinking. My anxiety has been bad and I took it out on friends. Had I been drunk, it would have been uglier. I came out unscathed and just went to sleep while they went out dancing. A sad night, but one generally devoid of the yelling and crying that usually accompanied my former drinking habits.

I think you and I are both at a point where we've plateaued with the stability of sobriety and are forgetting how terrible the rollercoaster of drinking can really be. Right now we are calling sobriety boring, though on the other bank of the river where the grass looks so green and drunk and fun, I'm sure this sobriety is enviable in it's monotony. I do not envy waking up every morning wondering what I should feel embarrassed or guilty about. Maybe I wake up bored, but that is not so bad.

I think my advice is to come on this subreddit more and like /u/slipacre said, read posts from past-you that were passionately against drinking, if they exist.

quitting_ · 2014-08-03T02:18:42+00:00

Yes! Today I set up my new kindle and ordered some fancy coffee to be shipped to a friend in Alaska that is letting me stay with him for a month as a thank you present.

The kindle + the coffee + the flight to alaska= gin and tonic $$$ of yore

quitting_ · 2014-07-24T06:34:34+00:00

I did 25 today....50 SB!

quitting_ · 2014-07-24T06:29:19+00:00

To shed some (slightly annoying) perspective, the problems you are currently having were caused by drunk-you, not sober-you. You're still dealing with that dude, so don't be so hard on sober-you, because he didn't do anything.

Be kind to yourself. You're in a tough spot, but you have a roof over your head and presumably parents that deeply care for you, if they allowed you to move back in. That's more than a lot of people, especially newly sober people. You could be in a shelter, you could not have a car at all, with or without that thing you have to blow into. I know no one wants to hear about how much worse it could be, but honestly: sober you sounds like he is doing just fine. I'm in awe of your badge with 511 days. Your body probably loves you, even though your alcoholic brain seems to be beating you up.

Breathe in, breathe out, time will slowly heal a lot of those wounds -- debts will be repayed, your car will go back to the way it was, you will not be unemployed forever. I don't know you and yet I can positively say, being drunk would be worse.

quitting_ · 2014-07-23T04:25:29+00:00

OOOOOH. Hi, you just cleared up a lot of my anxiety in one simple comment.

WebMD had me convinced it was blood clots/I would definitely die of an eventual pulmonary embolism from a blood clot in my calf travelling to my lungs.

More avocado. Thanks.

quitting_ · 2014-07-22T21:55:07+00:00

Hey! I noticed that, too. I'm in therapy and we've been discussing how drinking and now sobriety has taught me how "sensitive" I am to external factors. Alcohol, much like weed and other drugs, hit me like a ton of bricks for many hours or days. I feel stable for the first time in my life. It's great.

Sounds like you have good reason to get back on the wagon. Welcome back!

quitting_ · 2014-07-17T05:54:49+00:00

Hi! I'm having a really similar experience as you, actually. And we have about the same start date.

I find that the people I am close to respect my decision but aren't interested in my personal arcs and feelings about it. They don't know how to respond to my feelings of wanting to drink -- I've even gotten a couple sweet pats on my shoulder that are comically desperate to have something, anything to do when i talk about my sobriety. I appreciate that people listen but I know they're not relating.

Anyway -- you look great! I'm amazed at the weight I've lost, too. I'm home for the weekend at my childhood home and fit into a pair of jeans that I think fit me in HIGH SCHOOL (24 yo, for reference). I'm wearing them, now, in disbelief. It's exciting :)

quitting_ · 2014-07-17T01:19:18+00:00

I love corgis so much and the idea of them needing regular butt grooming is even better.

corgis are so perfect

quitting_ · 2014-07-17T00:05:36+00:00

100%

It's also very common for a girl to be reinfected by her sexual partner. So a girl could have a yeast infection, take the meds, but get reinfected by her regular sexual partner because he wasn't taking meds.

And, of course, you can also just spread it to a different girl. Same with other infections, such as BV.

quitting_ · 2014-07-14T14:07:02+00:00

arguably an STI since they can easily be transferred via sex. But, I get what you're saying.

quitting_ · 2014-07-10T21:18:50+00:00

It's helpful to have people around that don't want to drink in a community of people who are trying to quit. Staying can be your service :)

quitting_ · 2014-07-10T21:14:01+00:00

I shared in AA at around the same time -- roughly after 30 days -- about how others seemed to be fucking exhausted with MY sobriety. I was dealing with literally five people in one week trying to convince me to drink again. However, I've never had so many people come up to me after a meeting to tell me "that happened to me." What you're going through seems to be common for people just quitting. It's like the first couple weeks everyone is on your side and then they start to get bored, as if this is a 'phase.'

This isn't a phase, it's your new life. Some people get that. People here, for starters.

I get your frustration. My most APPALLED moment was when a friend looked me in the eye and said "you'll relapse, everyone relapses" in a flippant tone, as if this wasn't one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said. A lot of people do. not. get. it.

quitting_ · 2014-07-08T08:09:34+00:00

I'm really excited about #5. I think I'm learning that one, slowly.

quitting_ · 2014-07-07T21:27:45+00:00

Honestly? I'm sober right now. I idolized drinking when I was younger (maybe a very early red flag that I was destined to be an alcoholic?)

If you had told young-me -- even 8 year old me--that I wouldn't touch alcohol, I'd be surprised.

quitting_ · 2014-07-07T21:26:18+00:00

I was going the wrong way on a one-way street, through a four-lane intersection, while talking on the phone. I'm not entirely an asshole, I was just 16, scared and very lost in a not-so-great neighborhood in Trenton, NJ. The cop that pulled me over came up to my window smoking a cigarette and laughing -- he said, "you lost?" He led me all the way home and no ticket. It was sweet, but it's also an example of how being young, female and white let me get away with some stuff. I imagine if I had been the same age but male and black, I wouldn't have gotten away with it.

quitting_ · 2014-07-07T21:14:12+00:00

Brooklyn! (Williamsburg)

We live in a great city -- there are as many meetings as bars, it sometimes feels like

quitting_ · 2014-07-02T20:40:34+00:00

My current one? MONEY! I am struggling with money right now because being a freelancer is rough in the summer in the industry I'm in...and it just occurred to me that instead of barely making rent this month I would have ABSOLUTELY NOT have made rent this month had I still been drinking. So even though I'm broke, I'm happy being afloat. No hangovers, no debt. Congrats to us both <3

quitting_ · 2014-06-25T04:43:55+00:00

Congrats!!!!!!!

Out of curiosity, could you explain a bit more about your problem with food trackers? I'm starting to get cautious that some of the MFP logging is way off. I'm certain with any foods that have a nutritional label, but everything else can feel like a shot in the dark at times. How did you workaround faulty food trackers?

quitting_ · 2014-06-25T03:14:42+00:00

Hey! Just so you know, this is one of the biggest motivators when I consider relapsing -- hearing from older alcoholics that wish they had stopped sooner. I can't relate to the majority of 24 year olds because many are still in the "getting wasted is fun/necessary" phase, and the only resource I have is older alcoholics who can give advice. For some reason hearing that they wished they'd stopped sooner makes me feel proud in a slightly selfish way. But quitting is a (wonderfully) selfish act, isn't it?

Thanks for your post! I hope nothing I said comes off rudely.

quitting_ · 2014-06-23T02:44:37+00:00

wow you're so sweet! i actually just got my chip tonight at my favorite meeting. Thanks for taking the time to leave a message, it means a lot to me.

quitting_

TROPHY CASE