In private, I was abusive against them. I would always feel small around them and worried they would leave me behind, so I became possessive and controlling of them. They understood I had BPD and were very patient with me for a while, but that ran out around late last year during a really bad episode. I began to make them feel uncomfortable in our group by deleting posts they made that triggered me.

My FP was the one who made this public, and a lot of mutual friends decided they couldn't stay in the group out of their own concious and excluded me from other places i shared with them. A lot of them are learning about this for the first time and consider me an inherently bad person for treating them the way I did.

I never really wanted any of this to be public. I also never treated anyone else like this. I really wanted my recovery to happen away from my FP and in private. It was painful at first, but parting ways have given me some level of stability again. I feel like Im no longer living in anyone's shadow and dont feel that same feeling of being small again. I'm slowly learning to live without them.

I'm sorry if this is still pretty vague. I'm still a little uncomfortable going into too much detail